- Something that keeps happening
is that when I am in conflict, typically with Rob,
the closest person to me, conflict happens sometimes,
but when we're in conflict
and I'm feeling really heightened emotions,
I tend to get really confused.
And I forget why we're fighting.
I forget what I've been thinking that whole time.
And I just get really lost in jumbled up thinking
and I don't really know what's going on.
I kind of wanted to bring this up because I'm wondering
if this is part of my illness
and it's part of the way my brain is wired
to just kind of shut down when it's in overdrive,
in terms of emotional stimulus.
I'm speculating that this would happen
with any heightened emotion, whether it's anger in conflict,
whether it's ecstatic happiness,
whether it's profound sadness.
And that has happened in the past too
in intense periods of depression,
I will just have these periods of almost amnesia
where I don't really understand what's going on.
I don't know what I've been doing.
I don't know how I got to where I'm at.
It just feels very confusing.
So the way I typically handle this
when it comes up in conflict with Rob,
is I will just kind of become aware
of the fact that it's happening.
And I become aware of the fact that I'm still feeling angry.
I'm still feeling hurt and all of the emotions involved
with being in conflict with a loved one.
But I have no idea what I'm angry about.
I'm confused. I can't maintain a coherent train of thought.
I'm finding it very, very difficult to communicate with him.
And so, when I recognize that this is happening
I'll just say to him,
"I'm getting really confused. I don't know what's going on.
I can't keep up."
And at that point we typically take a break
or he'll take some time to kind of walk me through
what's been happening in the conflict.
And it takes a lot of vulnerability
and communication with a loved one
to get to a place where you're able to do that
in the midst of intense conflict.
It takes a lot of sharing with your loved one
what that experience is like for you.
And maybe you won't be able
to explain it to them in the moment
because there's a lot of heated emotions going on.
You don't know what's happening, but after the fact,
you can kind of take some time to reflect on what's happened
and to maybe share that with them.
That that's something that happens.
So, that said, I don't even know if this is something
that other people
with schizophrenia spectrum illnesses experience.
I'm speculating that this is part of my illness,
that this is just the way my brain works
where it just kind of shuts down and gets really jumbled up
and confused during periods of intense emotion.
I think another thing
that has been part of my experience with this
is that it can feel very embarrassing
to be in the midst of heated conflict with someone
where you think you're in the right
and they think they're in the right or whatever
and you're going up against each other like that.
And then all of a sudden,
you just have no idea what your position is in the conflict.
And you have no idea what's been going on.
You have no idea.
You can't form a cohesive train of thought
and that can be very embarrassing.
And so that's again, where the importance of having healthy,
open communication with your loved one comes into play.
So I would love to hear from you all,
do you experience this?
Do you have a schizophrenia spectrum illness?
And is this something that you experience,
this sort of confused state that comes about
during periods of more intense emotions?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below
if you have any ways of navigating this
and dealing with this.
If you would like to see more content from us
about what it's like to live
with a schizophrenia spectrum illness,
make sure to subscribe.
And also, if you're looking
for an online peer support community,
you can join our Patreon page
to gain access to our online discord server,
which is the online peer support community.
It's been really wonderful watching
the peer support community grow and flourish.
And so, we would love to have you a part of it.
Thanks so much for watching and as always,
wishing you and your loved ones good health.
We'll see you the next video. Bye.
How should I finish this video?
- You should come play on the trampoline with us
because having schizophrenia
doesn't mean you're a different person.
It just means you have schizophrenia.
- (giggles) Okay. - Okay.
- [Child] Yes.
(everyone jumping)
(everyone laughing)
I almost got hit.
(everyone jumping)