-Hey, I'm so psyched you could come back
and hang out this weekend, man.
-Yeah, it'll be nice to get a home-cooked meal for a change.
-I know. Anything's better than that mystery meat, right?
Oh, but, hey, just a heads up, just so you know,
my parents, they're pretty great.
-Austin, is that you?
-Hey, Mom.
-Sweetie, you're home! Ohh!
You cut your hair.
Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
Oh, I'm so glad you got here so soon.
We missed you so much.
-Is that Mr. college man I hear? -Hey, Dad.
-What's the matter, too busy to call home, huh?
So happy to see you.
Mwah!
-Hey, Mom, Dad, this is my roommate, Kevin.
-Well, hello, roommate Kevin.
-Mr. Kevin, welcome to the Vogelchek residence.
We only have one rule here. Be yourself.
-Oh, thanks. Thanks for having me.
-So, Austin, what is this I hear
that you have a girlfriend up there?
-Oh, Mom. She's not my girlfriend.
We're just hanging out.
-Oh, yeah, "We're just hanging out."
My little heartbreaker -- Mwah!
Breaking a whole bunch of hearts -- Mwah!
My Mr. Casanova -- Mwah! I can't believe you -- Mwah!
[ Laughs ]
-Well, if you ever want to bring her home sometime,
you just feel free to do that, okay?
She's welcome here.
-But Austin, seriously...
study.
You understand me? You study.
Be a man. Make me proud.
And be a man, okay? Study.
-Well, let's sit already. These boys are hungry.
-Oh, hey, Mom.
You wouldn't believe this guy
that we sat down next to on the train.
He was shouting all over the place.
-Is numb-nuts down there? Hey, I thought I smelled you.
Just because you made the hockey team, you're a big guy now, huh?
I'd like to see you put on the skates with me.
-Hey, Duane. This is my roommate, Kevin.
-Hey, nice to meet you.
You actually hang out with this loser? Hey, come here.
I'm so proud of you. Hey, Mom, Dad, how you doing?
[ All smooching ]
Let's eat already. Come on.
-I'll go get the food.
-[ Sighs ]
-So, Kevin. Where are you from, buddy?
-Uh, I'm from Montclair.
-Montclair. Do you know Mary steenburgen?
-The actress? No. Is she from Montclair?
-Oh, I don't know. She's just my favorite actress.
She's a 10.
-Ooh, I hope you're talking about me.
-Oh, listen to you. You are off the charts.
-Oh, come on. Oh.
-Mmmmmmmm.
-Hey, Pop, just so you know, I got to borrow the truck tonight.
I've got to haul a bunch of lumber.
-Haul a bunch of lumber?
Look at this guy, working on the weekend.
I am so proud of you. This guy over here.
This guy, I tell you. It's a good son.
-Thank you very much.
-So, do you two have a lot of the same classes?
-Yeah. We have some classes together.
-Well, I hope you that here we all sleep in one room.
-Oh, yeah. It's great.
We watch a bunch of old movies, we get sleeping bags.
We all sleep on the floor.
-What are you guys talking about?
Oh, yeah. Tonight, it's gonna be great, Kevin.
It's going to be great.
-You know what? I should call my folks
and tell them I arrived safely.
Is there a phone that I could use maybe?
-Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Up, up, up, up, up.
Hang back here. I see.
I get it.
All this affection is making you feel uncomfortable.
That's just how we are.
We're Vogelcheks.
My grandfather, Grandpapa Vogelchek,
came to this country with nothing.
He was totally naked.
He left his job as a foreigner so that he could build
a better life for himself here,
a country where they wouldn't punish people
who were affectionate and kissy with their families.
So, yeah, I know it feels like a lot, but you know something?
We're Vogelcheks.
-Wow. I guess I shouldn't judge people
until I know their whole story.
Yeah, it wasn't so bad.
-Welcome to the family.
-I'm so excited we're spending Christmas break together.
-Yeah. Don't worry.
They're gonna love you.
-I'm so nervous to meet your parents.
-Well, I should just give you a little heads-up.
-Yeah.
-[ Sighs ] My family's pretty awesome.
-Lonny, is that you? -Hey!
-Oh, Lonny, there you are.
Oh, you are such a little man now.
I was worried that with the weather
that you were gonna be stranded up in college.
But look -- Here you are. Mwah!
-Oh, I know that voice. -[ Chuckles ]
-Look at you. Joe college. Huh?
Huh? Having a good time? Huh? You having fun?
You study. You understand? You study.
You study.
-I am just so glad that you are here for the holidays.
Mwah!
-Yeah. Hey, Mom, Pop, this is my girlfriend, Lindsay.
-Oh, Lindsay, we are so happy to have you here.
-Lindsay, I guess you can tell where Lonny gets
his good looks from, and it's not from the male side
of the family. -Oh, come on.
-No, it's true.
[ Both smooching ]
-Mwah.
-Your parents are really affectionate.
-Yeah, which is super-cool, but also normal.
-Come on, kids. Let's have a seat.
Come on.
-So, Lonny, how was your flight?
-Oh, it was long, but Lindsay was there to keep me company.
-Tweedle-dum down there?
-Oh. [ Chuckles ] Hey, Dwayne.
-Oh, let me get this straight, young lady.
You actually go out with this butthead?
-Hey, Dwayne, come on!
-Ah, I'm just having a good time.
This guy ain't so bad.
-Get over here.
-Come on!
[ All smooching ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
-Oh. Hold on.
Be right back.
Oh.
-Got a package here for Vogelchek.
-That's me.
Okay. Fantastic.
There we go.
-All right. There you go.
-Thank you. -Absolutely.
-Hey, what's in the package? Lonny's pampers?
-Hey. -Dwayne, come on.
Come here for a minute. Man, don't give him a hard time.
He's with his girlfriend, man. -Come on, Pop!
-He's a good kid. Don't give him a hard time.
-So, Lindsay, you'll probably want
to freshen up after your trip.
-Yeah, I think I'll grab a shower before dinner.
-Oh, good news.
We're taking our family bath in like 30 minutes.
-You guys take a family bath?
-[ Chuckles nervously ] Don't worry, babe.
It's exactly what you expect.
Yeah, we blast motown songs the entire time.
[ Doorbell rings ]
-Hold on.
Hey, it's Grandma and Grandpa!
-Hey, Grandma and Grandpa.
-It's so good to see you, Dwayne.
-So, Lonny, I think maybe I should get a train home tonight.
I bet my folks miss me.
-Well, I thought you were gonna stay for dinner.
-Hold on a second. Hold on.
I think I know what's happening here.
Yeah. You're not used to all this affection.
Let me tell you a little story.
See this man right here?
It's my father, Josef Vogelchek.
You know, when this family came to this country,
they had very little money.
They couldn't even afford to go to the bathroom.
So, at Christmastime, when they had to buy gifts,
the only thing they could exchange were hugs and kisses.
Affection is a tradition that runs in this family.
It's the thing that makes us, well, Vogelcheks.
-We're a family.
-You know what? I think I'll stay after all.
-Merry Christmas, Lonny.
-Hey, merry Christmas, Grandpa.
-Now this is a family!
-Yeah!
-Oh, Shelly, thank you so much
for traveling with me to my great-grandpa's funeral.
-Are you kidding? You're my guy.
I want to be with you, the good times and the bad.
-Well, I guess one good thing to come out of this is
you'll get to meet the whole family,
but I should probably tell you, my family is pretty close.
-Ronnie! Oh.
-Hey, Mom. -It's so good to see you.
Oh, look at you all sharp in your suit.
I'm so glad that you could make it to the service.
-Aw...
-Hey, there. You look like my son Ronnie.
-Hey, Dad. Hey, I'm sorry about Grandpa Vogelchek.
-Oh, it's okay. He lived a full life.
He's in a much better place. -Yeah.
-I'm just happy that we could all be together.
-Mwah!
-Don't you forget -- Your great-grandfather loved you.
He loved you. Do you understand that?
You're a man. He loved you. He loved you!
-Mom, Dad, this is Shelly, the girl I told you about.
-Ms. Shelly, thank you for being here.
-I'm so sorry for your loss.
-Oh, I appreciate that. But we have a saying
in the Vogelchek family -- Never say you're sorry
and never admit you're wrong.
-Ronnie, we'll be here for a little bit
and then proceed to the service. -My beautiful wife.
She's handled all the details this week.
You know what you are? You're my rock.
-Oh, honey. -You are my rock.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
-Hey, they let Humpty Dumpty in here?
-Oh, hey, Dwayne.
-Did your new girlfriend about how you used to play with dolls?
-Oh, come on, man!
-I'm just trying to lighten the mood, you know? Come here.
Mmm...
-Mwah!
-Dwayne.
-Hey, Pop, Ma.
-Oh, Dwayne, thank you for picking up all the cold cuts.
-Oh, don't mention it. It's just a bunch of turkey
rolled up into little shapes, you know?
-Excuse me. Is this the service for Arthur Monroe?
-Oh, I'm sorry. This is the wrong room.
-Oh, well, thank you kindly.
-Mwah!
-Let's take a load off.
-Good seeing you, too.
-This is great.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks, Dad. Thanks.
Oh.
-Hello, Vogelcheks.
-Father Jancovic, we're so glad you could be here.
-Please know Grandfather Vogelchek is at peace.
-Thank you.
-Dwayne, I haven't seen you at services in a while.
-Hey, Father, I don't mean disrespect.
-You listen to this man. He's very religious.
-Thank you.
-I respect you.
-You're a wise man and a smart man and a good one.
-Thank you.
It's okay.
-Shelly, please feel free to grab something to eat.
I'm sure you're hungry after that flight.
-Thanks, Mrs. Vogelchek.
I think I might, um...
grab some coffee.
-Well, if you need any cream, let me know.
I'm still lactating after all these years.
-Is this the service for Arthur Monroe?
-Oh, sorry. Wrong room.
-Oh, thank you. -Oh, my pleasure. Mwah!
Mmm...
-You know what, Ronnie?
I think maybe I should just, um,
go outside and just let you guys grieve as a family.
-No, babe, you don't have to.
-Hold on. Hold on.
I think I know what's going on here.
I think Shelly here might be a little uncomfortable
with all of this affection.
[ Sighs ]
Let me tell you a little story. See this man here?
This is my grandfather, Grandpopo Vogelchek.
For 90 years, he worked in a bakery
making sweet little cookies to support his family.
Every night, he would come home and smooch his family
so we knew we were loved.
We're a close family.
What can I say? I guess we're a little all...
Vogelcheks.
-That was beautiful.
-Good night, sweet Prince.
-Now, this is a family.
-Yeah.