I'm already gonna cry and I literally just pushed play on this video okay I have been
preparing myself for this moment again to try to take another pregnancy test
I really have to pee but that's besides the point um I'm trying to be quiet because Josh
is in the other room and again I don't want him to know so if you guys don't know and
you're new to my channel hi I'm Cass and I recently about two months ago lost my baby
in a miscarriage at around 14 weeks is when I miscarried so yeah I had a Miss miscarriage
and it is the first month that I'm able to take a pregnancy test again since so it's
kind of emotional for me yeah they basically just feel like I'm gonna cry because all the
emotions are starting to come back okay [Music] thank you
okay I'm supposed to start my period I believe in five days and so I don't know if it's too
early to take a pregnancy test or not I think I'm fine yeah I'm really not prepared to take
another one this month so like if it's too early and it says negative I don't want to
like take another one thinking there's not a chance like I don't know how to explain
it but I'm just like nervous I don't want like the disappointment twice this month if
that makes sense that's what I was trying to say anyways I'm like gonna cry I'm gonna
check my app to make sure I'm like good even I don't know just to make sure things are
okay I've already been here before and I don't like it's too soon to do this again but at
the same time I'm like so excited and like I want to be pregnant again so it says my
period it's supposed to be in five days so yeah I think it's fine but I'm actually really
nervous where's my headband I gotta make this cuter okay I found my headband not that it
matters at all I'm just freaking out so oh my gosh
I was pregnant I miscarried and yeah this is our first baby so uh yeah I was pregnant
for the first time and then we lost our very first baby so we don't have any kids and so
this will be our first kid if I'm pregnant again I don't know why I'm talking okay I'm
just gonna put on a little makeup because I am just really feeling so sad so if I just
do something that distracts me real quick like putting on some makeup it'll feel a little
better I don't know I just I just don't really know how I'm feeling and I can't really explain
it and so I'm just putting on makeup why am I putting on makeup I don't I don't know this
is not the time to put on makeup but I don't know oh my gosh and now I'm cleaning for some
reason I don't need to be clean right now but I just feel like oh okay what am I doing
okay Cass talking to myself if that's weird to you sorry Focus I like don't want to feel
the emotions but I need to oh my gosh sorry I literally try to be funny and stuff when
I feel emotional but I need to actually like tap into my emotions and realize that it's
okay to be you know a little bit sad I'm just I'm really yeah I'm sad about the miscarriage
and I am really excited to be pregnant again just think like if it's negative then it's
just gonna be sad because you know we had to wait about two or I think it I didn't remember
exactly how long it's been it's been three or two months but we've had to wait that whole
entire time to get pregnant again I want to say we gosh I can't remember the timing but
we've had to wait a while to try again and we got the clear this last month to try again
so it was our very first month to try and I think I just have hope because like the
doctors are like you're super fertile like after a miscarriage and like stuff like that
and so I'm like okay like I really wanted to happen this time but I don't know I'm like
really nervous that's gonna be negative but at the same time I feel like I've been feeling
weird and like my back's been hurting my boobs have been hurting like I don't know I just
don't know if that's like something that's happened like I don't know I don't want to
get my hopes up you know foreign
box this would be the one I would have to take for it to get a right right reading let's
see to have this one that's six days thinner so maybe I should take this one okay I think
I have to take this one I don't know okay I'm gonna take the six days sooner one because
I'm supposed to start my period in six days
thank you I'm like shaking you're gonna see my hands oh I haven't seen one of these in
a while okay here it is nothing comes foreign
okay I peed in a cup
oh okay I don't know if you guys need to know this but my pee is really light so I don't
know if that's bad because I drank too much water so maybe it won't detect I don't know
remove cat Place tip in your urine stream for five seconds here we go one two sorry
I don't want to show you guys my P three I'm already shaking four five okay hopefully that
was long enough uh after three minutes your results will always shown two lines are pregnant
one line for not okay set timer for three minutes I set the timer
I feel like I'm doing this wrong because first off you're supposed to take these in the morning
because well I think you just get a better read in the morning because your HCG levels
are higher and if you drink like water it kind of messes with this I don't know if I
already did that wrong and then another thing is it's kind of early so I don't really know
it sounds bad but I like can't wait this time usually I could like wait this time I can't
so yeah that's just kind of hard oh thank you okay let's say a prayer again because
last time I said a prayer and I feel like it helped me so especially if it's like negative
and I feel like it'll help me to say a prayer
[Music] okay but I've been emotional ah I'm just waiting oh this is really hard again
that's hard to do this all again
what's this
I don't know why but like it's like it's negative like don't get your old selfish negative it's
negative and so I'm trying to like I don't know I don't know if I should be thinking
that way or if I should have been thinking positive and then if it's negative then be
really sad like I don't know what way to be thinking but I think I want to like guard
myself and be like okay it's negative like you were right like I don't know like it's
just it's really hard after a miscarriage so I just want to say thank you to everyone
who has supported me through my past pregnancy journey and miscarriage it was really hard
but I just want to say thank you and the timer is done so here we go okay this is like the
worst moment or the best moment I don't know two lines pregnant one line not this is like
my cheat sheet okay two lines pregnant one might not I don't want to lick it all for
some reason
okay
uh and that's why I didn't want to look
not even a little line just nothing so dang
[Music]
I don't know if I maybe took it too early I don't know if I didn't bite my pee wasn't
good I don't know but I might take one again in like a week and see but dang it [Music]
is this like pregnancy Journey has been really hard didn't get pregnant for 11 months of
trying finally got pregnant at 11 months it was the best feeling in the world then was
super sick and found out by the doctor that I was gonna lose our baby um in a miscarriage
really on now we're just back to square one trying again [Music]
[Music] we'll just head down what else can we do get through and we'll sing Hallelujah
sorry I just like it's really sad and hard but I know that this is God's plan for me
and I know that when we do get our little baby that it's gonna be so worth it I can't
like lose hope and I don't know I just gotta keep trying keep praying keep hoping that
all this will work out the way it's supposed to because if you don't think that way then
you might as well you know like you have to think positive in these kind of situations
it's hard and I don't think positive all the time but I think I've just learned that if
you think positive through things then you know it'll be so much better and you just
gotta trust in God and I just think just as you a lot of good to just think positive in
any way that you can in situations that are hard or sad or are not what you want so yeah
I didn't get what I wanted first time taking a pregnancy test since my miscarriage our
first baby and it's negative and it's okay so I'm sad about it but that's okay because
that's just how it is and that's God's plan so I can't wait to be pregnant again with
her little baby but yeah it's just not our time not my time yet so I love you guys thanks
for always like loving me and giving me hope and kind words I just I love you guys so that's
all I could say for now thank you for all the prayers and love and yeah I'm just glad
you guys are on this journey with us so I love you guys and I'll see you in the next
video okay
when we're together again [Music]