Hey everybody.
Happy Wednesday.
And when it's Wednesday,
I'm on the Website.
And if any of you are new to my channel.
Welcome.
And the best way to find me is to know what day it is.
And below each and every video of mine in the description,
It tells you where I am each day.
So Monday I have my own topic video I put out.
Tuesdays are tumblr.
Wednesdays are the website and youtube.
Thursdays are twitter.
And Friday is facebook.
So if you ever get confused and you forget where I am going to be.
You can check it out on, in the description of any video.
I put it in all of them,
So that it's always there for you to find.
Okay.
So today I have three questions.
And I have also been on the website and on yotube,
Sorry. Had a tickle.
So I already answered some questions below yesterday's video.
And I have been on the website and answered some questions there.
And I have a really great journal topic from 'Finding Peace in the Chaos'.
Thank you so much for that.
It's really cool.
And I have a bunch of journal topics, and I have been saving them,
And I will save those for next week.
Okay.
Let's get going.
Question number one,
'Hey Kati, I was just wondering if you had any advice/tips on what to do,'
'When you get stuck at the 'I don't know' part of therapy.'
'My therapist says that I need to push myself to bring up stuff to talk about.'
'But I always just end up saying that I don't know.'
'And then we have these awkward moments of silence.'
'I even think of stuff to talk about before my next session before I go to sleep.'
'But I almost never bring it up.'
'I trust my therapist a lot. And I feel like I can tell her anything.'
'But when it gets to the really hard stuff my mind just freaks out in session,'
'And I don't know what's relevant or how to bring it up.'
'Do you have any tips on how to push yourself to be more open?'
'Thanks so much for all you do.'
'I love the ideas for keeping in touch during the holidays.'
So this got a ton of thumbs up.
Which is another way that you can let me know that the,
That there are certain questions that you would really like to see answered.
So if you're on twitter, you can give it a lot of likes.
Or if you're on youtube, you can give it a lot of thumbs ups.
You know, you can let me know that it's a question that you really want answered.
So it can be hard.
And there are a couple of things I want to address.
Now not, this is not what's happening with this particular person.
But for many of us,
We find ourselves feeling like stuck, like there's not really anything to bring up.
And we don't know what to talk about.
And there's a lot of moments of silence in our therapy sessions.
And the truth of the matter is,
That that itself, is a sign and a symptom of maybe not needing therapy any more.
Or maybe not needing it as often.
And we can start weaning ourselves from therapy little by little.
Until we're doing things on our own.
Knowing fair and well that we can always come back whenever we need,
But we can always take breaks.
That's healthy too.
We don't have to stay in therapy forever.
That's not what it is when you sign up for it.
It's just something that you go to when you need help.
So that would be the first thing I wanted to address.
Now with this person,
It sounds like there are things that she wants to bring up.
But she feels like she can't bring them up.
And there are many ways that we can address this.
And I have talked about this topic in other fashions throughout other videos.
But there are, here are just some of the ones that my clients prefer to use.
You can email your therapist.
If they will allow it.
Now you have to have that conversation with them.
Like I allow my patients to email me,
However they know that I may not respond to it.
And I may just wait till our next session and bring it up then.
Which will help you talk about those things that are hard to say face to face.
That's why online is so powerful and amazing.
Because we can do things with some anonymity.
We can say what we want.
And what we're really feeling and really struggling with,
Without fear of judgement.
Or, you know, feeling like there is a stigma attached to it.
Any of those things.
So that's one option.
Another option is writing a letter.
Putting it in the mail.
Sending it to your therapist.
If they will allow that.
Bringing a list of things you want to talk to in therapy with you,
Handing it to your therapist and having them take it from there.
By, I would always encourage you,
By expressing to the therapist that you're really struggling,
To bring up things that are hard and you really want to move past it.
And so this is the only way you can think of doing it.
So those are some other ways of communicating.
I would also encourage you,
If none of those are possible or you don't really like them.
Practice saying it to yourself.
Don't just let it hang out in your head.
Because that can be really scary.
And then we fear bringing things up with a person,
And we're like,
'I don't know what it's going to sound like. And what they might think.'
Practice saying it out loud.
If it's in your car.
If it's at home.
If it's in your bedroom.
Maybe it's in your bathroom with the shower running, so no one hears you.
However you make it happen so you can get some privacy.
I would encourage you to talk it out.
Like you're just talking,
Maybe a best friend.
You can talk it out with them.
And bounce ideas.
So that you know how it sounds to say it.
What it's like to put those words out there.
How you can respond to that.
And we get more comfortable with even the idea of talking about that stuff.
Okay.
I hope that helps.
Those are just some ideas.
I know I give a lot of options.
But those are just the ones that come to mind to me.
Okay.
And I hope that helps.
I got a lot of thumbs up.
Okay, question two,
'Hey Kati, I'm a new subscriber.'
Hey.
Welcome.
'And I have never asked a question, so hopefully you see this.'
And I did.
'How can you get past the fear of being judged when going to therapy?'
'I feel like I hold back a lot of information,'
'Because I'm scared that she will judge me.'
Now I thought this was also a good question.
It kind of comes into the,
I have a feeling it's very tied to number one.
That's the practising and the saying it out loud to ourselves.
Can help a little bit.
Also being involved in our community.
Talking with other people.
The more, I find, and you could totally disagree.
And I could be way off base.
But I find that we usually worry about being judged,
When we think that what we feel and are going through is 'weird'.
Or 'unusual' in some way.
Or it's not a 'normal' way to respond to that.
Or however our brain thinks about it.
It obviously is thinking that whatever we're going through isn't normal.
But trust me.
It's normal.
We as therapists see people from all walks of life.
And all mental illnesses.
And technic, or chances are,
That when you are speaking about something.
Or struggling with something.
Or something bubbles up in your head.
Or you have these 'weird thoughts'.
Chances are we know exactly why it's happening.
Or we can at least talk with you and figure out why it's happening.
And we can work together.
Therapy is a place, it's, when I was in school,
They taught us a lot about creating an office space,
That's the 'safe holding environment'.
Because we want people to come in.
Like I have these overstuffed white couches.
That, you know, are really cosy.
And I'm by the beach and so it's kind of beachy feeling.
And it's just nice.
And it feels very homey.
We try to create environments where people feel safe and comfortable.
And the judgemental part is all in our head.
And the more that we talk about it to ourselves.
Maybe to a really really supportive friend that knows us really well.
Maybe we write about it.
Maybe we, you know,
Talk to like a mom or a dad or a family member who we can confide in.
The more we talk about these things.
The less likely it is that we will feel like we're going to be judged,
Or we will feel like we can't speak up when we need to.
Because all of that inhabitation that we're feeling,
It's all from inside our head, right.
And so the more that we verbalise things.
And the more that we write things down.
And we practice how we may say it.
And then we think about,
Which was a journal topic I think a couple of days ago or last week,
Where we write out the worst case scenario.
The best case scenario.
And the most likely scenario.
And that can help curb any of those worries of judgement.
The worries of a therapist freaking out.
And also,
We can always rely on the fact that if you like your therapist,
If you think they do a good job.
Then you can know that we're trained and we practice,
Being as non judgemental as humanly possible.
Everyone's going to have certain judgements that they are going to think.
But if you already have a connection with them,
Chances are,
They care about you.
And they want you to do better.
And so I think having that relationship,
You're going to have to rely a little bit on that relationship.
And you can share a little bit at a time and see how it goes.
But that will be my encouragement for that.
Because that also got a lot of likes.
And I know a lot of people worry about that.
But trust me,
It will be okay.
Hopefully one of the options I gave you will work for you.
Okay.
Question number three,
'Hey Kati, just wondering,'
'Is it weird to want to have serious life threatening illness like cancer or something?'
'I just sometimes wish that I did and I don't really know why.'
'But just wondered if you could answer to maybe why I have these thoughts,'
'And if you know whether it's normal or not.'
Now this is definitely something that many of us feel,
And is very normal when we're struggling with depression.
And depression is way more common than people want to attest to.
People don't want to say that they're depressed,
That they're feeling really down.
A lot of people feel like they have more anxiety.
But we all know, depression and anxiety are kind of like kindred spirits.
They happen almost simultaneously.
And so often when we're feeling really down,
And we feel really bad about ourselves.
We wish for this.
And it could be because we have suicidal ideations,
Yet we don't really want to act it out.
So it's kind of like a passive way to think about dying.
Another thing could be that we would like more attention and more care,
More love from those around us.
We may feel lonely and want more contact with people.
And more hugs.
And more just responses in general.
And so we wish for something like this.
Because we feel like then we get what we're needing.
And I would encourage you,
If you are struggling with this,
Because this also got a ton of comments.
And a ton of responses on the website.
If you yourself find your mind wandering to things like this,
I would encourage you to take time and think about,
What is it that you're hoping that will give you?
If you could have that serious life threatening disease,
What would that mean for your life?
Is it more attention?
Is it more love and care?
Is it suicide?
Is it, what is it?
I'd like you to think about that.
And start processing.
Because that will give us a lot of information about where to go from here.
Because then that can tell us what we're trying to fulfil by it.
And maybe we need to see a therapist.
Maybe we need to see our therapist more frequently.
Maybe we need to bring this up in therapy.
Maybe we need to spend more time with friends and family.
Try to reconnect with loved ones and friends that we have lost track of.
It could be a bunch of different things.
But I would encourage you to start thinking about it in that way,
Versus thinking and worrying that what you are thinking is weird.
Because it's not.
I told you, it's got a lot of conversation on the website.
So I hope that helps a little bit.
And helps you kind of understand why our brain does what it does.
Now, journal topic.
I know this is running long,
And I'll try to be quick.
It says,
'Hey Kati, my therapist gave me an assignment last week that I'm super excited about.'
And this is so cool you guys.
'And I think everyone could benefit from doing it.'
'She asked me to chose one word to focus on for the year 2015.'
One word.
'Rather than making resolutions.'
Remember I don't do resolutions, I don't like those.
'She gave me the example of words balance or presence.'
'I think that it is genius.'
I agree.
'Having a "theme" word for the year is specific enough to drive you,'
'While being broad enough to give you freedom.'
I love that sentence.
It's so true, having a "theme" word specific enough to drive you,
While being broad enough to give you freedom.
So true.
So her word for 2015 is progress.
What will yours be?
I think mine will be,
Being present.
Present.
That's what I will call it.
I want to enjoy every moment.
Because this year has slipped by like, pew.
So fast.
So I want to be present with every moment.
And that's something that I work on in yoga a lot in meditation.
So, yeah, that will be my word.
What's your word?
I love you all.
I will see you tomorrow on twitter.
Because it's Thursday.
So ask your questions using the #KatiFAQ
Bye.
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