It's gonna take you back to the past
To play the shitty games that suck ass he'd rather have a buffalo
Take a diarrhea dump in his ear
Brother
Man slow a roadkill skunk and down it with beer
He's the angriest gamer you ever
No, no you like nintendo and nintoso
You liked apply is shitting games
Who are you fucking nerd you wanna play some dr. Chen older? Hi no no
Or you wanna play my game, bitch
Ha ha
Horrible
This game is my fucking nightmare. It's a frustrating incoherent pile of vomit and shit
Even the first screen is kind of weird because it shows Freddie without his glove
But his knives are still coming out of the fingers now
I think I might actually have an explanation for this in the movie nightmare part 2
Now they just fucked up
So you play as some dude who has some serious balls because he punches snakes right in the fucking face
And you don't have to anyway just jump over them all
This guy is the worst luck ever because rocks randomly fall out of the sky and flocks of vampire bats come after him
Even though it may appear to be a typical side scroller it isn't at all
There's nothing self-explanatory or even fun about this diarrhea mess
I can't figure out what I'm supposed to go some of the doors are closed and some of them are open
But it hardly seems to matter because usually there's only one on the entire Street that you can go inside
Whether it's open or shut it seems completely fucking random ya figure that out
So you go inside one of the houses and guess what it's crawling with ginormous spiders
So what do you do you give them a tastier fist punch them?
smack them around
Assholes goddamn fucking spiders and eat my ass you fucking bitches show me our man punch those spiders
spiders
punch them
snakes
You want some too?
So I get to this little square door on the floor, and I can't go down the arrow says down which probably means
That's where I'm supposed to go, but I can't
It's not till later
I find out I'm supposed to collect all the bones in this room first
When I first start playing this I had no clue what they are for but now
I realize you have to get the bones because that's the point of the game
And if you can't find every single last one of them you can't leave the room
And some of them are practically invisible they blend in with the background because the graphics just suck
Yeah, play that shitty game
The plot of this game is that you're trying to collect all Freddy's bones, so you can destroy them in a furnace
Confused well Freddy's dead and now his bones are somehow scattered all around every house on Elm Street
Meanwhile Freddy's entering your dreams
Just like in the movies, and he can only be stopped when his final remains no longer exist
Damn Freddy's got a lot of fucking bones, and they all look exactly the same classic cartoon dog bone
You know come to think of it the plots kind of like Simon's quest
Why would Simon want to go around collecting pieces of Dracula? He was killed the first time just leave him alone
Imagine Batman killed the Joker and then he scattered his pieces all over the fucking city and then went around collecting them all
What a bunch of fucking shit in
Fact the gameplay in Nightmare on Elm Street itself is a lot like Simon's quest it has that strange presence to it
Where you slip in and out of day to night in this case? It's a dream world and a awake world
It's got that nonlinear quality to it where you're always confused trying to figure out where the fuck to go, ahh
tastes the major suckage chef fucking nerd
So at the end of each house some weird incarnation of Freddy appears in this part. It's Freddy's hand on a bunch of balls
What were they thinking?
So you go around looking for another house you can go in and none of them. Let me in
Try the cemetery nope can't go there
What's with the zombies
They look like the Frankenstein monsters walking with their arms stretched out like how fucking sterotypical is that?
Can I go in the junkyard?
nope
Just keep walking around
Walking down guess. It's Elm Street, which happens to be the longest fucking Street in the world. Oh look
I finally found a house I can go on the one with the door that shut that makes sense right
What the fuck are these?
Lollipop ghosts with stick arms or the enemies in this game designed by some kindergarten kid for Halloween
I'm surprised. They don't have skeletons, too
They actually do have skeletons
What the fuck could the buildings be anymore stock?
Like we had this creepy game about Freddy
What kind of creepy characters could we add well how about bats ghosts spiders skeletons and?
Frankenstein's for the kitties could be anymore uncreated than that look why don't they just add some witches black cats and flying
Jack-o'-lanterns, they should have just called the game boom haunted house
Which is probably what they originally had in mind until they thought no wait make it about Freddy
We already ruined fry the 13th now. Let's do the same thing in Nightmare on Elm Street, and that's right
It's by the same company. We're not gonna say who it is, but it stands for laughing joking numbnuts
Also listen to the music
Sounds familiar doesn't it in fact?
It sounds kind of like it's recycled from who the fuck Framed Roger Rabbit another piece of garbage they made
What were they thinking?
You love it. You know you do
So let me explain how the dreamworld thing works you have a sleep meter that goes down
If you're standing still it goes down if you get hit it goes down and in time it goes down by itself
so anything you do or don't do the sleep meter goes down earng Zara Burch and
Once it's down all the way you go to sleep unless you didn't already fall asleep playing this fucking game
So when you're in the dream world all the enemies are stronger
Which doesn't even matter anyway because you can turn into this other character that throws javelins and does the spinning jump
There's also other dream characters. You can play as actually collect the dream token. Just like in the movie nightmare part 3
except for the dream tokens part so if you play in the dream world for a lengthy period of time the Freddy music starts playing
Then Oh God it's Freddie coming he sure is
Of all the shitty things in this game this screen is so cheesy that it's just awesome
But it's ruined by the fucking trademark symbol
Anyway, you fight Freddie, which turns out to be real disappointing
It's just a simple flat room and he walks back and forth swatting at the air like he's blind come on Freddie
To get out of the dream world you have to get the radio to wake yourself up
Then you have to wait for the change back to the oh wait world
It's annoying like in Simon's quest but in Simon's quest
It's way worse because it's against your own will it happens so often and you don't expect it in
Nightmare on Elm Street at least you're doing it on purpose, and you get that rocking tune rather than just dead silence
But now I'm using my fists again, give me the javelin back
I want to go back to sleep you actually have weapons in the dream world so what's the point?
You know what's really weird
That this game was actually capable of a four player mode using an accessory that allowed four controllers to be connected to your Nintendo Entertainment
System now I can't imagine having four people playing this game who's gonna want to play this piece of shit
I'm lucky if I can get one other person. I have a better chance of cloning myself
Horrible
a
Lot a shitload of hey wait wait wait wait. I just cloned myself. I'm in a dream
I can do whatever I want, so why don't we all just stop playing this fucking game?
Yeah, so the hell with that shit. Yeah the hell with that
Damn, shit the hell with that damn
Fucking shit the hell with that goddamn motherfucking bullshit
blacks
Now what should we do with the cartridge how about smash it with the hammer
Yeah, that's not good enough. I know let's drop it out the window now come on be creative
I say we take a shit on it good. Do it empty your ass all over it
I don't kind of take a shit though you take a shit you gotta take a shit who's gonna take a shit
I gotta take a shit then take that shit
Bombs away
Diarrhea Fein oh hey come on it's not that bad
Front door
Whoa
I'm a fucking nerd what a piece of shit buffalo diarrhea fuck farts
See you nerd
Nobody makes you play these games, but yourself, so you're your own damn nightmare
Now you get it down
Go yank your cock through your ass. Yeah fucking butt mongrel. I got the power glove
That was a weird dream