I, Adrian Starks, and willing to bet all the change in my pocket that every
single one of you are here today because you want to change, change something or
someone. At least one person, Roger Killen, wants to change the whole world.
So, if everyone wants to change something or someone,
why is change such a challenge. Why are so many individuals and organizations
languishing, stuck, frustrated and mired in mediocrity? It's because they cannot
accept, address and embrace change. When those changes swirl all around them they
are gripped by inertia, paralyzed by uncertainty, fear and doubt. Just look at
climate change - it's an existential threat to all of us, it threatens many
parts of our planet making it inhabitable, but kudos to Greta Thunberg and
those kids for taking it to the streets and doing something about it.
Have you been overwhelmed by a change in your circumstances? A serious illness,
a breakup, a loss of a loved one, or your job, or your freaked out at losing your hair.
There's someone who said "yeah". Or your phone. Changes can stir up a mixture of
emotions inside of us that can be confusing and daunting, right? Do you know
that changes can be positive but still stressful. Ask a nervous bride or a
couple going through a big home renovation. So sure, changes are hard and
disruptive but changes are also challenges. Perhaps that's why the word
"change" is built into the word "challenge".
Hmm. I say what we should fear is not change. We should fear remaining
unchanged because what happens when we refuse to change? Block buster failures:
Kodak, Polaroid, Sears, Toys R Us and oh yes, Blockbuster. It's said that some
people change out of inspiration or desperation. Confucius said that only the
stupidest of men never change and although he said this 2,500 years ago,
there are some men and some women who still never change. I was one such stupid man.
The change that changed me was brought about by a woman.
Do I know you?
But I cursed her then but I thank her now. I'll just call her by the letter X, my ex.
Ours was a whirlwind romance. In a whirl we were married, in a year she was gone with the wind.
They say the worst thing that your ex says to you is the first thing that you remember.
The worst thing she said: "I want a divorce." But why? "Because I want to change - move from Seattle to
California, closer to my parents." But wait "My parents and my job are here in Seattle."
Nothing I said or did would change her mind. She was gone and so was all the wind in my sails.
I was shattered. My ego, my finances, my whole life shattered by that change
I couldn't accept the rejection. I couldn't move on. I'm stuck in quicksand and it's slowly swallowing me.
I lose 15 pounds. I can't eat. I can't sleep. And this non-stop headache is frying my brain. But it's not the
headache that's killing me. It's the heartache and one evening I decide to end it all.
lnstead of taking two Tylenol I'm going to swallow the whole bottle but that cap on the bottle ... it refuses to
move. Maybe it should have taken a lesson in moving from my ex. Clearly the universe was sending me a
message: accept the change Adrian. My first steps toward acceptance takes me to a divorce court and a
stern judge. "Mr. Starks, where is Mrs. Starks?" "Your honor, she's not here." "Yes, that's obvious. Why is she not here?"
"She's moved, sir, away to California." "I see. Well, since she's
moved away Mr. Starks it's time for you to accept the stark reality." That's what I thought.
"And move on too. Divorce granted."
On my way back, I call my brother. "Patrick I got my divorce." But Patrick seems happy.
"Remember Adrian when you were that quiet little kid and you got pushed around by all those other little kids?
Until you learned martial arts and you became a champion at it?" "Yeah so?" "So champ, look man
sometimes in life you go backwards to go forwards but simply going forwards is not enough, you must
grow forward." "Go forward, how? I'm pretty much bankrupt." "No, I said grow forward."
Growing forward means you learn from a difficult experience. If you want to take
a shortcut just Google someone like "Les Brown". He's the world's greatest
motivational speaker. And that is how Les Brown came into my life and changed it
One phrase of his touched me deeply: "When life knocks you down, at least land on your back because if you can
look up you can get up." Patrick's words and Les Brown's words they echo my martial arts coaches words from
years ago: "When you get knocked down Adrian, don't look down, look up, get up, go forward". And that's
what I've been trying to do ever since. Looking up, getting up, and growing forward.
The challenges have been daunting. Think of bankruptcy and what it does to your self-esteem.
But somehow I had to get up and grow forward accepting, embracing, addressing even that change.
Books by Les Brown, Wayne Dyer and Earl Nightingale - they became my new best friends.
And I found love again ... the love of learning. Not just how to change my life but how to help others change
theirs. You can't spray perfume on yourself without
getting a few drops on others. But I'm still trying to figure out whether I changed out of
inspiration or desperation. Whatever it was, I'm just glad I was able to grow forward rather than remaining stuck
in uncertainty, fear and self-doubt.
Today I'm back on my feet, the champion I'd always dreamt of being of my own cause and my own life.
In fact, I'm championing change in others: entrepreneurs, millenials
and in this process I continue to change and grow forward with them.
But it takes work to keep growing forward. Jim Rohn says "Your life does not get better by chance. It gets
better by change." Netflix saw those changes coming and changed the way that we watch movies.
Blockbuster froze and died. On the other hand you've got Google, Amazon, Apple ... they all champion change and
now rule the world. Recently I moved from Seattle. I know what you're thinking,
no, not to California, but to this beautiful city of Vancouver. And I'm loving it.
A new city, a new country. A host of changes and challenges, and some are easy ...
like going to the doctor for free. And some are a little harder like ending sentences with a question.
You know it's coming ... nice day, eh?
But changes are meant to be accepted, addressed, and embraced, eh?
So how do you accept, address and embrace change and keep growing forward?
First, change your mindset. Instead of being scared, see your changes as chances to grow. Negativity, it
has caused a lot of problems in this world and has yet to solve a single one.
Encourage yourself. Ask yourself - what lesson can I learn from this change. You
can't see the solution if you're all wrapped up in the problem. Ask yourself - how can I look at this problem
from a different angle. Then you'll start seeing the light in your darkness.
Second, find the humor. It is said that comedy is nothing but tragedy plus time.
No matter how hard of a time you're having you're going to look back on it and find something funny in it.
Why not look for it sooner? I tried to kill myself over a girl. This black belt in Taekwondo couldn't even open
a bottle of Tylenol. See you're laughing. Now I wish I had a video we can watch it all together and laugh.
If you look for it you will find the comedy in every tragedy.
Third. Reach out. Remember, you are never alone. There is no problem, no challenge you can't overcome with a
little help from others. One phone call to my brother changed my entire outlook. Human beings, we love to
work together, help each other out, collaborate. So if you can't cope on your own reach out.
And finally, take action. Champions of change make good choices and they act on them.
Will Rogers said this: "Even if you're on the right track you will get run over if you just sit there."
History is full of brilliant people who never left a mark because they failed to take action.
I'm willing to bet all the change in my pocket, no all the change in your
pocket, and the world that if you take action on my 4 action steps, you will
be ready to accept, address and embrace those changes swirling all around you.
Be the champion of change. If you can't change the whole world, surely you will
change your world.