I can't describe the hate for the lone
ranger that surrounded it when it first
came out
even from the previews people were just
kind of rolling their eyes saying really
really I'm not gonna lie I kind of had
that reaction looking at the trailers
too but when the critics got hold of it
and the few people that actually went to
see it by God they just despised it they
said it was overly long terribly written
horribly acted and just made no sense at
the time so I guess a large part of me
was really dreading having to review
this film but some of the people have
been talking about I guess it kind of
made sense to do so
having finally seen it are they right
well yeah but I don't know if I hate it
as much as everybody else does it is
definitely a bad movie and it is way too
long but a part of me does kind of say
if this came out 10 years ago say before
the Pirates of the Caribbean movies I
kind of wonder if it would have gotten a
warmer reception it might have been that
really bizarre distinct Western that's
never really been done in this way
before but because it did come out after
pipes of the Caribbean has even done by
the same people everyone just sort of
saw it as fone did pirates except in the
Old West and yeah they're pretty much
right I guess a part of me does see a
little bit of possibility with Pirates
in the Old West though not much but a
little the story opens with Johnny Depp
as the famous Indian named Tonto he has
a job just standing around in a museum I
don't get it but the makeups neat and he
comes across a boy who's interested in
the story of The Lone Ranger well since
he was there he tells the boy to sit
back for two and a half hours and listen
to his origin story The Lone Ranger was
originally a lawyer who had a very
successful brother who was a lawman one
day after chasing down an escaped
convict both of them are gunned down and
even his brother's heart is eaten by the
villain isn't that one
but Tonto is fascinated when the
spiritual Horus seems to pick on main
character to be brought back to life
Tonto doesn't believe them as he knows
he's an inexperienced to action hero but
the horse has made his choice so Tonto
decides to take him up as his partner
bring him back to the world of the
living and follow him to get justice
and/or revenge on the people who killed
him and his brother along the way they
come across all sorts of strange
characters colorful baddies and comedy
ranging from the goofy to the downright
fortesque
I get the feeling a lot of the worst
parts were already kind of told to me
like the guy eating the heart or Johnny
Depp being in the museum for no reason
and some of the really stupid jokes
so I guess expecting that going in I
paid a little bit more attention to the
stuff I actually kind of enjoyed I mean
okay it's over-the-top and silly but
that's kind of what I expected were the
Pirates of the Caribbean Western
everyone said giant Depp was just doing
Jack Sparrow as an Indian in this
version and yeah I see where they're
coming from but I don't know if I quite
see it as that bad I still think he's a
good actor and yeah sort of the bug-eyed
and close lifting is getting a little
old but he still kept my interest enough
now of course why he was chosen to play
a Native American when there's about a
million other actors therefore qualified
to do so I'm not sure well yeah I knew
he's a star buddy all that stuff I know
everyone says he's like 190th Native
American but how about somebody who's
like majority Native American when they
make a little bit more sense I mean we
does a good job being the
fish-out-of-water in this new territory
trying to follow the law while also
breaking it and being fairly charismatic
throughout most of it the villains are
mostly abour once again tying into some
sort of complicated plot about the
railroad and land ownership and oh who
cares we just want to see Cowboys be
Cowboys what it does do that it's kind
of neat in that it's really weird these
are very bizarre towns with very bizarre
people in them but a part of me kind of
likes that because I don't see that much
in westerns I was even kind of liking
the way they visually told the story
for example there's this woman with a
one-leg who also wants revenge on the
same person even though her business
seems booming she says that he ruined
her career literally all they do is show
a picture of her as a ballet dancer and
you get it know tons of dialogue no big
explanation scenes it's just one picture
and boom
you understand I like a movie that can
do that I only wish the rest of the
movie was like that at some point I
found myself getting really bored and I
looked on the DVD how long it was and we
were even at the halfway point yet good
god why does Hollywood nowadays think
that if something has to be really big
and epic it has to be super long not
every movie needs to be lower the Rings
not every movie has to be Lawrence of
Arabia the same thing happened with the
pirates movie stop trying to be these
gigantic epics just be what you're
supposed to be be the friggin Lone
Ranger cowboy shooting having fun
let the epics be the epics and you be
something that's enjoyably mindless and
I know it's ironic me saying that seeing
how I did an anniversary film that was
three and a half hours long but that had
a lot of characters and to be fair this
is to two guys that were following for
an unbelievable amount of time I don't
care who you put in that role that's
gonna get boring after a while so yeah
is the movie good absolutely not is it
terrible probably but a good chunk of
that comes from the timing if this was
released before the Pirates of the
Caribbean films I think it would have
had a little bit more of a chance and it
would have been seen as original and
unique and strange and dark and just a
movie unlike any other movie still
having the problems I said before with
it being way too long and such but I
don't think it would have gotten quite
the extreme hatred that it's getting
today I'm glad I saw parts of it I mean
it was just so creatively bizarre but
what does any of it have to do with the
original idea of the Lone Ranger and the
Cowboys and the Indians and just riding
around and having fun not much this
feels like Disney knew it hit something
big with the Pirates franchise so they
tried to have lightning strike twice
hell you could argue even the Pyrus
franchise it did strike twice the result
is a little too much of what we've
already seen before and even then not
done that great I guess even as worse
this directors work is just so strange
that I always find something of bizarre
value to it so I'm not quite as pissed
off as everybody else was at it but yeah
it's still bad not the worst in my
opinion but sadly not we're checking out
either