"I know this was really weird, and it was really hard, but I think we're making progress."
"So I'm really sorry that I have to go but let's keep at this." In the final
season of The Office, we witnessed a major shift in Jim and Pam's marriage.
Faced with the possibility of their split, we as the viewer experience
anxiety alongside with them. And that's because it felt like the relationship
belonged to us. We were there from the beginning witnessing every flirtation,
heartache, and finally the triumph of their coming together. We saw ourselves in them
and their relationship represented our idea of true love. So when their
relationship rapidly deteriorated, it felt inconsistent with the characters
that we knew so well. So why did Jim and Pam's relationship shift so drastically,
and come to the brink of separation? Well it comes down to mistakes. After five
years of a picture-perfect relationship, Jim and Pam started making some
monumental mistakes. They stopped pushing each other out of
their comfort zones so they could grow and find ongoing satisfaction. They made
little effort to understand each other and discuss their differences. Instead
jumping to conclusions fights and most drastically - silence.
They started punishing each other for mistakes,
finding no room in any argument for forgiveness, and they started to keep
score of every favor as well as every slight so their relationship became more
of an accounting chore than a blessing. See-sawing between them feeling trampled
on, or indebted to the other. At the point that their relationship was most
fragile, they started to let other people into their marriage, whether by taunting
each other, fighting publicly, or looking out of the relationship for emotional
support. Now all of this was a far cry from the Jim and Pam we've always known.
The two people who are each other's ardent cheerleaders, wisest counsellors,
and reliable safety nets. But somehow the two of them had forgotten who they were.
After a few years of building a perfect household, Jim and Pam had reached a
cul-de-sac with no changes or opportunities for growth on the horizon.
While Pam was content with this future, Jim was starting to feel trapped. With
all growth opportunities at his current job exhausted, he rebelled. Anxious to
maintain her perfect universe, Pam rejected any possibility of change,
though a little coyly at first. And the two found themselves on complete
opposite spectrums as well as at a crossroads. Either the differences were
going to take them down separate paths or one of them would have to cave.
And that's exactly what Jim did. Faced with the possibility of losing his love,
he chose to lose his career instead. He returned to Pam and Scranton in full
force bringing no resentment, no rear view, and no scorecard. By giving Pam what
she thought she wanted, Pam felt ready to give Jim what he needed - room to grow. So
why does all of this matter? Why does the fracturing of a fictional
relationship resonate so deeply with a fan base? Fictional or not, Jim and Pam
represent an ideal, an expectation. Just like art emulates life, there are times
that we work to have our lives emulate art. And like any good art, this one
inspires us for a better connection, a deeper love. And watching a great love
fall apart is as good as any great tragedy. In Jim and Pam's case, they
inched closer and closer to the brink but somehow saved themselves by saving
each other. The two finally remembered who they were! They were goddamn Jim and
Pam for God's sake! And everything they were came rushing back. Encouraging each
other to continuously evolve and grow. Recognizing the other's deep desires
even if they're unsaid. Defaulting to understanding, patience, and forgiveness
instead of anger, and punishment. And this is the truth of any marriage. No matter
how strong it is, it will be tested and it will ebb and flow as a result of that
test. And the members of this exclusive club will sometimes forget who they are.
And more importantly, who they promised to be together. I love that in the end it's
the reminder of their wedding day and the advice from their community that
shakes them out of the anger and hurt. Because we try to start everything
with the best of us but it fades and disappears sometimes completely out of
our view. But we have to fight to bring it back. Because that's what a good
marriage is - it is a constant fight, a constant battle, to preserve all the best
parts of it, and to never let it slip away.