-Our first guest tonight
hosts the Emmy- and Peabody Award-winning show
"Last Week Tonight," which airs Sunday nights on HBO
and streams on HBO Max.
Please welcome back to the show our good friend
John Oliver, everybody!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
How are you? -Good, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ] Thanks.
No, no. -You love this stuff.
-I d-- -You love applause
and attention. -I don't like it.
I don't like it. [ Cheering ]
I was this close to leaving. Half is a bit.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-I feel very lucky to see you here.
I saw you last week at the Emmys.
Congratulations on your victory. -Thanks very much.
-Also, congratulations -- [ Cheers and applause ]
I feel like you had --
The award was presented to you by Selena Gomez,
Martin Short, and Steve Martin. -Yes.
-That's a very nice trio to get it from.
-Definitely, yeah. I kind of -- when they came out,
they'd said, "Our award is next,"
and it did seem like this must be a mistake.
They're not gonna slum it in "Best Variety Show," are they?
And then they did. Yeah, it was amazing.
My wife's favorite movie is "Clifford."
-Yeah. -So to get an award
from Clifford is about as happy
as she's been with me for five years.
-Based on the reaction to you saying that,
I think it might only be her favorite movie.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
'Cause I -- that's a Martin Short film
where Martin Short plays a child named Clifford.
-Yeah, it's really good. It's really good.
-It's really good. -And even though we're both
selling it really hard, you can feel an innate sense of,
"I don't think --" [ Laughter ]
There's no curiosity of, "I'll watch that tonight."
It's just, "Nope, this is another thing that I will miss."
-Just do us a favor. It's not a giant commitment.
Watch the trailer on YouTube of "Clifford"...
-Yeah. -...starring Martin Short.
-And then, when you get to the end of it and think,
"Not for me," remember, it is really good.
-Yep. -To be honest,
I've just come here to sell "Clifford."
[ Laughter ]
I just don't think -- -This is a new thing.
You're plugging old films. -Yes, that's right.
I just don't think enough people have seen "Clifford."
So, do we have a clip? [ Laughter ]
-You got to tell us ahead of time if you want a clip.
I'm so sorry. -Oh, that's how it works?
I thought you could just say, "Do you have a clip?",
and they'd google it quick. [ Laughter ]
-Give them time. Maybe by the end.
-Yeah, sure. -So what about --
Do you enjoy being at the Emmys? -No.
-Yeah. -Not at all, no.
[ Laughter ]
No, it would've been nicer to see you
literally anywhere else on Earth.
But, you know, it's what America does best, in a way.
It's pageantry. -Yeah.
-It's like a royal funeral without a dead queen.
-Okay. Well... [ Laughter ]
You know what I like about you? [ Laughter ]
You know what I like the most about you?
You bring your own segues. Now, John...
[ Laughter ]
The last time you were here was a couple days
after Prince Philip had passed away.
-That's right, yes. -And now, obviously you're here
on the day of the Queen's funeral.
-I am, yeah. -And you're sort of our royal
correspondent by fate more than anything else.
-That's right, that's right. [ Laughter ]
-How are you taking it all in? -Thanks, thanks.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, it's a difficult day.
Craig, you're from the U.K., right?
-I am, yeah. -Sorry for our loss.
[ Laughter ]
-You know what? I didn't know her.
[ Laughter ]
-Wait.
You guys promised me Craig knew her.
-Yeah, you know, basically, whenever a senior royal dies,
I will come here. [ Laughter ]
Just click your heels three times, and I will be here
to give it the disrespect it deserves.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
Well, thank you very much.
-It's been a very weird time in Britain.
This 10 days in forced mourning,
apparently, has been very, very strange.
-Yes. And one of the --
We were talking about this at the Emmys,
'cause we're both football fans. -Yes.
-I should clarify -- we're talking about soccer.
Which was -- they did not play any
of those games for about a week. -They didn't.
They kept -- rugby and cricket was allowed to go ahead.
[ Laughter ] And football had to stop
in an act of, I think, tangible class warfare.
[ Laughter ]
-Because of the fan bases of those three sports?
-I mean, it's hard to --
They will say it was for other reasons,
but I think it was probably that.
-Yeah. -I think they were concerned
about how football fans would respond
to a minute's silence and maybe they would not
be able to go the whole minute.
[ Laughter ]
But it's the interesting thing.
It's always -- the question in their mind is always,
"Well, will they behave?", not "Why might they not?"
[ Laughter ]
There's no introspection or follow-up
for, "Why might they decide to editorialize that?"
-Yeah, and then, there's also the likelihood
of maybe a chant or two. Or a song that could happen.
-That's right. We do love a song, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, it's been a very weird 10 days.
I think -- they had in Morrison's, the supermarket --
#Ad. Sorry.
[ Laughter ]
I'm here -- I'm here to promote "Clifford" the movie
and a low-grade British supermarket.
[ Laughter ] Apparently, they lowered
the sound of the beeps at the checkout
out of respect for the queen dying.
[ Laughter ] -Well, she did --
She hated beeps. -She hated beeps.
[ Laughter ]
As if someone would've gone in, heard the regular beep,
and said, "Have some [bleep] respect!"
[ Laughter ]
"She's lying in state!" [ Laughter ]
"As is tradition, a quieter beep is appropriate!"
[ Laughter ]
-I can't believe there was a way
to have the beep be quieter this whole time.
-Well, at first, I thought that cannot be true.
They can mute the beeps. They choose not to.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Again, that's the crime here. -That's right.
And after Charles becomes king, the beeps will return.
[ Laughter ]
-Double, twice as loud.
-Unnecessarily loud volume, yeah.
It's been a stupid time. -You were offered
the order of the British Empire, the O.B.E., I guess.
-I was, yes.
-And that must be a very interesting call to receive.
-It is. It is a call.
They called up, and they --
This is before I got my citizenship here in America.
And so, you know, as an immigrant on a visa
or green card, your immigration status
is a perpetual anxiety for you.
They left a message saying that you need to call
the British consulate immediately,
which doesn't sound like --
Unless you're Jason Bourne, and...
[ Laughter ]
...physically and emotionally, I just am not.
[ Laughter ]
I thought it was something really bad.
And then, this guy picks up the phone and says,
"I'm here with a letter from the Queen in front of me."
It was so offensively English, his accent.
[ Laughter ]
I don't think you're allowed to do this accent.
Yeah, and he said, "I'm here to say
that you're on the New Year's honors list,"
and I knew what was coming. "I don't think I want this."
He went, "Don't answer now." And I said, "I just did."
[ Laughter ] I said --
I said, "I don't want it."
And so he said, "I'll call back tomorrow."
And he did. I said, "Yeah, my answer hasn't changed.
I really don't want this." [ Laughter ]
It's a loaded -- O.B.E....
-Yeah. -...is a loa--
The "B.E." part of that is a hell of a thing
to want after your surname. Yeah, so I didn't.
And he said, "Please don't tell anyone,"
and I said, "I am telling everybody I know."
[ Laughter and applause ]
That is -- Let's just be clear.
I have made no pr--
If I'm making a promise, I'm breaking it instantly.
The moment this phone goes down, I'm calling people.
-I bet -- obviously, based on his reaction,
it probably doesn't happen often that people turn him down.
-I think -- I think it probably happens all the time.
I just think it's not then people that just say,
"I have to tell people that this was a very funny conversation."
-You had -- -My wife was mad, though,
'cause she wanted to go to Buckingham Palace.
I had to kind of explain to her,
"Listen, there's a class system in England.
This is stuff -- it's not important for you to know this,
but I really can't go there and behave."
[ Laughter ]
-You did have a joke censored by --
-Yes! -I guess your show airs
on Sky over there. -Yes.
Yeah, they, uh -- -Not really a censorable joke.
-It was -- I don't -- It wasn't really --
It barely had the properties of a --
All we said was that Britain is still mourning
the shocking loss -- right? -- of a 96-year-old woman
from natural causes. [ Laughter ]
It's not -- it's not -- literally not a joke.
Scientifically, that's not a joke.
That's just a fact with a kind of dickish inflection.
That's all it is. [ Laughter ]
And yet, they cut it out. -Wow.
-Which is pretty [bleep] because apparently
all we've heard all week is the Queen
had an incredible sense of humor.
[ Laughter ]
Just non-stop, "Oh, she was so funny."
Seth, she was so funny.
The Queen, she was razor sharp. [ Laughter ]
She dreamt of going to the Del Close Marathon.
Big comedy fan. -I will say,
I've watched a lot of anecdotes of people saying,
"She was so funny," and then they tell a story,
and when it ends, you go, "I don't know."
-Yeah, or that clip. Or that clip.
It's like -- And there she was with Paddington.
I'm watching a bear carry her comedically in that scene.
[ Laughter ]
She's giving that bear nothing back.
There is one set of footprints in the sand, and it's a paw.
[ Laughter ]
But she was a huge comedy fan. -Huge comedy fan.
And liked the good -- yeah, "The State."
She loved "The State." [ Laughter ]
-She just wanted to live to see Mulaney's tour.
That was the thing that she didn't --
[ Laughter ]
Why is that the thing?!
Ask yourself why that was your line.
-Yeah, and then let us know. [ Laughter ]
John Oliver, everybody!
[ Cheers and applause ]
"Last Week Tonight" airs Sunday nights on HBO
and streams on HBO Max.
We'll be right back with Quinta Brunson.