♪
♪ Yeah, trick 'em up, yeah
♪
♪ Yeah, trick 'em up ♪
- [audience cheering]
- There we go.
I like this.
You got some classy ladies in here. I like this.
All my thick girls make noise. - [light applause]
- What you--I see there's more thick women--you let
that skinny [bleep] in here tell me it ain't you.
It's your season, it's getting cold outside.
Matter of fact, if you a thick girl sitting next
to a skinny girl, punch that [bleep] in throat, you hear me?
You tell her sex ain't good unless it got a pouch
in front of it, that's how it supposed to be, sir.
The pouch will keep it warm.
All you gotta do lift up the pouch, [bleep] hot pocket.
I love hot pockets. - [audience laughs]
- And I like this crowd.
We got some like classy ladies in here. I see that.
Couple of ratchet women sprinkled in the back.
We got a couple of women that's both.
That's right here with the little bun right there.
I see you with the buns and no bra.
That's clatchet right there.
That's like classy and ratchet at the same time. You clatchet.
Aight, a lot of women in here clatchet.
Like you love church music, but you [bleep] to Future,
that's clatchet. Aight.
- [audience applause]
- Like your nails done, but your toes ain't,
because it's cold outside, that's clatchet.
Like you'll put on a brand-new dress with an old bra
because it makes your breasts look good, that's clatchet, huh?
It's weird. I'm a single parent.
I don't know how--I am a single father.
Got full custody of my daughter
for the last ten years of her life.
I love my daughter to death, but she getting
a little older now, like my daughter just turned 12.
She just got her cycle for the first time.
That's a young age to get your cycle, ain't you?
No, 12 is young. Huh-uh, you supposed to be like 15, 16
when you get it, ain't you?
No, 12 is young, I don't care what you say.
My daughter still pee in the bed. It's weird, okay?
- [audience laughing]
- And I read on the Internet that my daughter
is becoming a woman. Is it true?
She gonna have emotional hormones, ups and downs,
chemical imbalance, it's gonna cause her to act out,
and that's not how she feel, that's her hormones?
- AUDIENCE: Yes.
- Fellas, that's crap.
Don't no little girl supposed to talk to her daddy like that.
Teacher called, I was like, "Look, you gotta go to bed
early, the teacher called. Your grades are slipping."
- She was like, "First of all, understand something, Michael.
"I'm gonna go bed early,
"you need to respect me in this house.
"I ain't asked to be born, I ain't have a choice to be here.
So respect me so we can get along."
I looked at my daughter, I was like, "Well, first of all,
"I gave your mother the 350,
it ain't my fault she ain't go through with it."
- [audience laughing]
- She kept you and the money. She clatchet.
[laughing]
I'm gonna get out of here, but one thing I will tell you,
if you don't learn nothing else from Rip Michaels,
learn that women run the world.
You hear me? This whole world is geared towards women.
No matter what you do, you never be smarter than a woman.
Think about it, women are the only creatures that could
go to the club with no money and leave drunk.
Women will go to the club with no money, leave drunk.
Women will even start a conversation with you
just to get a free drink, they be like, "Oh my God,
you a bus driver. "That is so nice. Thank you.
It was nice meeting you. Goodbye!"
Do they nothing work--
- [audience cheering]
- Oh.
I'm aight.
- [audience laughing]
- [bleep].
Did you see that shit right there?
The back of my neck hurt, [bleep].
I got a GU check coming, [bleep].
Did you see the whole--
- [audience laughing]
- Hey, y'all mother [bleep] ain't shit.
Y'all just let me fall, didn't say shit.
[bleep] my drawers is wet. Did you feel--
[laughing]
I can't be falling like this, 50!
It's a slick-ass stage.
I ain't got enough money to get hurt.
I ain't got no insurance.
I get hurt, I just gotta wait to heal.
What kind of shit is that?
Nah, 'cause 50 could get hurt. 50 got money.
You see "Power." He can get shot, burn.
I ain't got money like that.
I'm gonna tell you a true story.
It was me, 50, and Nick Canon, aight?
We was at this place called--I think it was Aces.
You all ever been to Aces? - [light cheering]
- It's a strip club, but it's not like any strip club.
It's like a strip club of strip clubs, right?
You all know what making it rain is, right?
That's where you take money, throw it in the air,
let it fall down, and then walk away.
This dude take $30,000.
Pick it up and throw it in the air.
Now $10,000 hit me in the face. - [audience laughing]
- You saw me fall, I'm a real man.
I did what any real man in this room would do when
somebody smack you in the face with $10,000,
there's $20,000 at your feet. What you gonna do, fellas?
Pick it up, that's what I thought.
I'm picking the money up, doing what God is telling me to do.
Do you know these heifers got an attitude with me?
They was like, "That's our money."
I was like, "[bleep], you was looking at me."
- [audience laughing]
- [uintelligible] RIP.
I was like, "RIP, just kill ♪♪
Yo, my name is Rip Michaels. Thank you very much.
- [audience applause]
- I'm just happy he got up.
- [cheering continues]