- Now, I want to warn you ahead of time this video
is definitely not some like rah-rah, confidence-boosting BS
that your girlfriends give you
whenever you get (beep) over by a guy.
Oh my God, you're so great.
(beep) him, (beep) guys, all men are pigs.
No, instead of doing that, I'm actually gonna be giving you
a real framework that you can use to stop investing
so much energy worrying about
what other people think about you.
(calm music)
Hey there, I'm Adam Lodolce from sexyconfidence.com
where I help you create your love story,
and this video is all about how to stop giving a (beep)
about what people think about you,
and because Sexy Confidence is designed
for you women out there, this also going
to help you stop giving a (beep)
about what men think about you.
Now, many of you may not know this, but about 10 years ago
when I first started as a dating coach,
I really focused teaching men this core concept
which I called social freedom which is the ability
to be your true, authentic self in any social situation
without being concerned what other people think about you,
and let me tell you one thing, I was kind of a fraud.
I was still concerned about what people thought about me,
and quite frankly, I still to this day do care
to some extent about what people think about me.
That is human nature.
You would never want to be so socially free
that you don't care at all about what people think,
however, on the other side of the spectrum, you don't want
to live your whole life worried about
what people think about you.
If you look cool enough or you look like your life
is great enough on social media or if people think
that you're happy or not.
None of that (beep) really matters.
All of this comes down to having a balance between the two.
Now, I was recently reading a biography about Warren Buffet,
the billionaire investor.
He's an incredible guy, and he's really had this philosophy
that has really defined his entire life,
and that is the interplay between what he calls
an inner scorecard and an outer scorecard.
Now, your inner scorecard is really how it is
that you feel about yourself and your own values
and standing up for the things that really matter to you
and the things that you really care about,
and of course having behaviors that are inline
with your inner scorecard, and then on the other hand,
an external scorecard is really driven by external success.
It's driven by having money and having recognition
and having people know that of course you are not only
very smart, but you are very successful,
and if you live your whole life based
on your outer scorecard, then you're going to look back
at the end of your life when you're sitting on a deathbed
and realize that it was all for nothing,
and also the inner scorecard and the outer scorecard
concepts can really be applied to your love life as well.
Here's what it looks like when you focus all of your energy
on your outer scorecard.
For one, you're constantly posting pictures on social media
of you doing cool (beep) rather than putting all
of your energy into having fun doing that cool (beep).
Only chasing after really high status men
to impress your friends rather than trying
to meet a great guy who will fulfill you in the long-term.
Spending more time talking about how great
your relationship is or posting pictures on social media
about how perfect your relationship is rather than spending
that energy actually nurturing the relationship,
or I just heard about this recently,
a woman who's only going on dates with certain types of guys
because she'd be embarrassed of what her friends thought
if she went out with like a blue collar guy.
If you live your life based on the outer scorecard
and worrying about what everyone else thinks about you,
then you're constantly gonna be bouncing around
because you're not going to be in tune with your own energy
and the things that you want out of life.
Now let's jump into what it looks like
to have a strong inner scorecard.
An example of having a strong inner scorecard
is not letting men walk all over you.
If you get the feeling that a man is using you
and he's not really authentically interested
in anything more than just sex,
having a strong inner scorecard is you standing up
for yourself and saying that I'm not that type of person
and really defending yourself in those situations.
It also means only surrounding yourself with people
who are actually supportive and nurturing for your own life
because you wouldn't dare surround yourself with someone
who doesn't treat you well
if you have a strong inner scorecard.
Now I should say we all have some inner scorecard
and some outer scorecard, but what I want you to do
as a result of this video right now is to just think
about how much energy you're spending
on your inner scorecard verse your outer scorecard,
and truly the way to stop giving a (beep) about
what other people think about you is to nurture
that inner scorecard, and here's one test
to determine whether or not you have
a strong inner scorecard or a strong out scorecard.
Would you rather be in a terrible relationship,
but everyone thinks you're in an amazing relationship
or would you rather be in an amazing relationship,
but everyone thinks that it's terrible?
Obviously, if it's the first one,
you have a strong outer scorecard.
You're more concerned about what other people think,
whereas in the second scenario, you don't really care
what other people think so long
as you have a healthy relationship.
So I want to hear from you in the comments below.
What is one thing you're going to do today
to start building your inner scorecard?
And also if you enjoyed this video,
please give it a like on YouTube.
Don't forget to subscribe on YouTube or follow me
if you're watching this on Instagram,
and if you really did enjoy this video,
leave a comment below 'cause this is a little bit different
than the types of topics that I usually cover here,
and also if you want to continue exploring this concept
and really start building your own life
to attract a great relationship, then I have a course
within the Sexy Confidence Club membership
called Building Your Life for Love.
It's included in the membership.
I'd love to see you.
You'll be getting a lot of feedback from that course.
So I'd love to see you in there.
I'll leave a link in the description right there below.
So thank you so much for watching, and I will speak to you,
you sexy, single lady, next week, buh-bye.