Hey, oh, wow. There you go, have a seat.
Oy vey. (laughs) Oy vey.
Lawdy Miss Clawdy How are you?
Fine, how are you, sugar? I'm very good.
Thank you very much for coming on.
Well you know, you're the cutest thing.
(audience laughing) Oh, thank you.
(audience applauding and cheering)
You know, Conan, I've been watching you.
You know, you can put your shoes under my bed anytime.
(audience cheering and applauding)
(laughs) I'm not ready for you, it's too late at night.
How are you?
Thanks so much for coming on, it's good to have you here.
Well, thank you for asking me.
Yeah, you know, we were talking today,
the film looks hysterical, by the way.
The film looks very funny, and everyone's talking about it.
No kidding. It was a big hit
over the weekend, this movie. No kidding.
Yeah, huge. (laughs)
That means I got another job.
(laughs) That's right, but how are you?
You doing, I mean, we were talking about today,
we were just looking at all your credits,
all the stuff you've been, so much theater,
but all these TV shows.
So many people when they see you recognize you
from all these classic TV shows, '60s, '70s, '80s.
And you're still going.
Well, you know, I just love show business.
Yeah? I always wanted
to be in show business so I'm in show business.
Of course I'm unemployed, but I'm in show business.
What would you have done if you weren't an actor?
What would you have done if you had done something else?
What did you want to be? I'd have been a stripper.
(audience cheering, applauding, and whistling)
(sultry big band music)
(Conan laughing and clapping)
Okay, I might marry you. This guy's gonna marry you
now, yeah. Well, that's cool
(audience laughing)
That's cool. Yeah.
Can I ask, this might be an indelicate question,
but how old are you?
You look terrific.
Old enough to know better and young enough to try.
(audience applauding and laughing)
[Conan] All right.
What the, that got to do with it?
Hey! (audience applauds and cheers)
So, how do you talk to your grandchildren? (laughs)
What kind of bedtime stories do you tell them?
Well, they'd say,
"Grandma, will you tell us a bedtime story?"
I said, "Why, yes." (audience laughing)
They said, "Will you tell us the one
about when you was a ho in Chicago?"
(audience laughing, applauding, and cheering)
(laughs) Oh, oh man!
(laughs) All right, oh my God. (audience laughing)
What else you wanna know? I'm afraid to ask you
another question. (audience laughing)
I've never been so scared in my life.
Let me ask you though, I will ask you this.
You know, the Wayans brothers,
you're in this movie with them.
And in this movie you play a pot smoking grandmother.
Yeah. Now...
(audience cheering and applauding)
Finally, an issue all Americans can get behind, yeah.
How did you feel about that when they came to you and said,
you're gonna play a pot smoking granny?
I love the reefer!
(crowd applauding, cheering, and laughing)
(Conan and Andy laughing)
Hey, some of y'all out there like reefer, too,
but you don't want nobody to know it, right?
That's some good reefer, you got some?
(audience laughing)
It's in here, yeah.
After the show. Yeah, okay.
That's what this mug is for, yeah.
Oh. (Conan and audience laughing)
People always wanna know, what's with the Eisenhower mug?
Oh my God, the police are gonna raid this interview
any moment now, take us all away.
You're the cutest thing.
I don't know what else to ask you.
Just, I'm afraid, I'm so afraid.
No baby, don't be scared. (audience cheers and applauds)
I won't let nobody hurt you.
You won't let nobody hurt me?
All right.
No, you're the sweeter little thing.
Thank you, you just stay with me, all right?
Okay, okey doke. I want you here, all right?
Okey dokey.
(laughs) You know, we are out of time.
Can you come back 'cause we gotta talk some more.
This is... Yeah.
Can you do that? Let me see, let me see.
Let me see, wait, wait, hey, wait a minute.
I'm supposed to be in L.A. tomorrow.
I'll have to ask my manager. All right, well listen you--
I has a manager, y'all. (Conan laughing)
(audience cheering and applauding)
Will you come back? Yes.
We gotta talk, we didn't get to anything.
It was just, come back soon, would you please do that?
Yeah. Thank you.
It was really nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too. Come back next time.
We'll shut the place down for you.
Okay. All right?
Okay. (laughs) Helen Martin, everybody!
(audience cheering and applauding)
The movie's "Don't Be a Menace to South Central
While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood."
We'll be right back after this.