Congratulations. You made it. You're about to start the 7th class of 7 in
Concise, Clear and Confident Communication. If for some reason you
found this last video first then you can go back and do the whole course.
Otherwise if you've been going all the way through, I'm really happy for you.
I encourage you to watch these videos as many times as you need to to really make
these tips and strategies habit. Because that's where it's going to start to make
a difference in your life.
So let's wrap things up.
In our previous lesson we looked at how to get rid of
fillers. In lesson 7, we're going to hit on confident nonverbals. So tip 7 is
confident nonverbals enhance your message. All the previous six lessons are mostly
to do with words and how you sound
verbally. But, these nonverbal messages can enhance or detract from what you're saying.
So people form impressions about how you come across through nonverbal
communication. Distracting nonverbals will diminish or take away from your
communication, your message and confident nonverbals will add to it. To say
something "with confidence" means that you sound and look confident not just that
you're saying confident words.
Strategy number one. Use direct eye contact.
Most people drastically underestimate the power of direct eye contact. Make
direct eye contact when speaking and listening. Both are very important. Strive
for 80% of the time in your conversations and 99% of
the time during presentations. Most of us underestimate the need that others have
for us to be looking directly at them. When we speak and so those numbers will
give you a good gauge. Adrian Furnham a PhD researcher that's spent a lot of
time working on eye contact said "The confident, the bright, and the socially
dominant, look more with direct eye contact, while it is the opposite for the
socially anxious. In this society we generally interpret direct eye contact
as confident and the lack of direct eye contact as signaling some kind of issue.
Often times
social anxiety or even just a lack of confidence in general. "Direct" means right
into their eyes. Not like these two people who are looking elsewhere. Sometimes
above people's head sometimes over their shoulders. You do not want to be in this
kind of situation. When you're looking directly at somebody, it says, hey, I see you.
And they look back and it's, hey, I see you too.
There's a connection there. So what does that look like in practice? Like you're
looking directly into the lens of the camera. Someone says hey look right here.
We're going to take a picture. You want to look right into their eyes. And again
in a conversation, it's 80% of the time. You don't want you to stare,
but you want to look at them
the vast majority of the time to show them that you're communicating. You're
locked into what you're saying and you're locked into listening to what
they say. Strategy two is to avoid "up talk." This is a nonverbal tendency.
Up talk describes the upward inflection used to make a statement sound like a
question, sometimes called up speak. And it sounds like this. I wanted to be to
discuss the plans? I was hoping to have that nail down today? Many of the new
hires need this training badly? Now clearly these are not questions but
you've probably heard up speak or up talk from people. Maybe you do it. It's
becoming much more common among the younger generation and it's become a
real issue in professional settings. But instead of this, you want your sentences to
go down at the end. So if there's a period, you want them to go down like the period signals.
I wanted to meet to discuss the plans. I was hoping to have the nail down today.
Many of the new hires need this training badly.
That's a statement. And that's what it should sound like. You may not realize,
however, that you're up talking. A lot of people don't even know they're doing it.
I recommend asking a trusted friend to listen to you talk to see if you do it.
And then commit. If your are doing up talk, I want you to commit to landing at
the end of sentences. And boy is this a hard habit to break. But it's well worth
it because you don't want to sound like the person who's never
sure of what they're saying. Strategy 3 is to smile. Who doesn't like a smile?
People often don't realize that they're scowling or have that stone-faced
expression when they're walking around talking to people but many people just
don't smile. And, as a result, they don't sound confident and they don't look
confident to other people. Even if their words are confident they're not going to
come across as feeling really comfortable with what they say. Because
confident people smile. So you want to practice smiling a little as you talk. I
don't think you should plaster on a phony smile that's just not me. But you
want to practice smiling a little. So in other words instead of a stone-faced for
that scowl, be aware of your facial expression and if you're happy then show
it with your face.
Sarah Silverman, a comedian, was talking to a young friend of hers who had that
scowl on her face even though she claims she wasn't upset. And Sarah Silverman
said, "I going to change your life right now. If that's your default face, put a smile
on there." A lot of us need to warm up our facial expression so we come across more
confident in what we're saying. So use confident nonverbals. Our takeaway
strategies from this lesson are to use direct eye contact. That is number one.
Avoid up talk. And if you do this, you want to ask a friend to listen and give
you that give you that advice and then come down at the end your sentences. And
then practice smiling a little. Warm that face up and communicate that confidence.
So practice these tips and strategies. As Jim Rohn said, "Motivation is what get
you started. Habit is what keeps you going." Speaking of nice concise statements,
that's an amazing one and it couldn't be more true. So you're learning some things by
watching these lessons once. I recommend you watch them as many times as you need to
to put these tips into practice and make them a habit. It's been a pleasure
learning with you through this mini-course on Concise, Clear, and
Confident Communication. I encourage you to put them into practice and I look
forward to learning with you in the future.