ANDREW GREEN: Today we catch up with Drake.
We hear about one of the craziest nights Nas has ever
experienced.
And we explore the weird corners of the World Wide Web.
NAS: Yo, what up?
This is Nas, and this like a crazy party, crazy thing I
remember from back in the days.
I went to a party in the city for the Shaft movie premier
with Samuel Jackson--
New York City nightclub.
All of the sudden, I'm in the middle of Wesley Snipes and
Grace Jones.
Wesley had on black.
And he was chilling.
And Grace was chilling-- very beautiful.
Grace Jones knocked my drink on my arm, and some of it got
on her arm.
She's didn't see me there.
She just did it by mistake.
And I looked.
She looked at me.
She grabbed me and she--
her arm, it was sleeveless.
She looked at her arm where the drink had fell and just
licked her arm where the drink had fell.
And I was a few things--
I was starstruck, turned on, I thought I was in
the Twilight Zone.
And she probably didn't even who I was.
But I knew who she is--
I'm a fan.
And someone else grabbed me.
It's Wesley Snipes.
Oh shit, he pushed me.
And he's asked me: are you a rapper or a scientist?
And I'm like damn, Wesley Snipes pushed me kinda hard,
like, that's Wesley and everything, but he's pushing
me, like, what's going on?
"I said, are you a rapper or a scientist?" And I'm like damn,
Wesley Snipes is about to do some Blade shit to me.
So I pushed him back.
Boom!
And I said, you won't make it out of here alive, man.
Wesley realized, why am I pushing Nas?
And I'm like like, why am I pushing back Wesley?
And where's Grace Jones at?
It was just a weird little moment right there, so.
And that was some crazy-ass shit from back in the days
around the way.
Love those days.
ANDREW GREEN: I thought Wesley Snipes was in prison.
Next up, we check back in with our real-life Muppet, Hanson
O'Haver, for another installment of, "What's Up
With Drake?"
HANSON O'HAVER: I'm Hanson O'Haver.
This is "What's Up with Drake."
So I'd like to take some time today to address what's kind
of the most common criticism of Drake, which is that he has
no sense of humor about himself.
And you know, I don't know Drake personally, so for all I
know he could be a perfectly modest and just
affable young man.
But I'll agree that the way he presents himself is as someone
who takes himself too seriously.
For example, he tweets things like, "I don't have an
addictive personality, but I'm hooked on it." Or, like, posts
ridiculous photos of himself on his own blog.
And in any normal situation this would take away from an
artist's charm.
We like people that are kind of self-effacing.
And musicians who take themselves really seriously
are the worst.
For example, think of Creed, or, like, Bono with this
tinted sunglasses and his arms spread like a sort of rock and
roll Jesus.
Every once in a while due to a combination of synergy, and
luck, and whatever else, for a brief period of time,
everything that a musician does is flawless.
And during this period, if they were to present
themselves in a less-than-serious manner, it
would only take away from their charm.
For example, think of Prince's Purple Rain.
Everyone agrees that it's amazing.
But it's also totally insane.
Yet if Prince were to acknowledge this and to, sort
of, wink at his audience and say, hey guys, I know that you
guys know that this is totally silly, the whole thing would
have been ruined.
I think that right now we've reached this sort of "peak
Drake," where everything that he does is amazing--
from his albums, to his videos, to his guest spot on
the new Meek Millz song.
And as long as he continues in this manner, there's no reason
that he needs to present himself as anything less than
just a totally serious guy making serious music about his
really serious emotions.
ANDREW GREEN: Why do I have this weird feeling that
Drake's going to steal Hanson from Vice just to
become his hype man?
And finally, we check back in with our buddy Thomas Morton,
a Dickens character that time forgot, to get his take on all
of the shit that we waste our lives on instead of getting
anything productive done.
It's time for another episode of "Whatcha Watching?"
THOMAS MORTON: Hi, welcome to the Vice offices.
As you can see, everybody here is doing a very good job
looking busy.
They're all at computers, though, which means what
they're actually doing is, basically, what you're doing--
screwing around on the internet.
I work on a computer, too.
I'm no stranger to YouTube links.
And so I've decided to put together a few of my favorites
from this week.
So come enjoy the cream of the crap.
Hey, so it's been a little bit.
I thought we'd play a little catch-up.
This first video is actually, I think, the first video I
watched on the internet.
It's a short and quick one.
It's titled "Burrito Punch." A tormented, heavy-set, Angus
kind of kid is pelted with a burrito and then exacts really
quick schoolyard justice.
MALE SPEAKER 1: Oh shit.
MALE SPEAKER 2: What the hell, man?
ANDREW GREEN: So, continuing on the sort of ad hoc theme
we've got going of justice and comeuppance is a stark
morality play called "The Story of Mr. Dollar." Mr.
Dollar, as you can see, is kind of a ramshackle dollar
store operation out in Bushwick.
And here you see its owner doing a less-than-effective
job cleaning up standing rainwater on its roof.
And in a moment of Buster Keaton-esque comedic timing,
you can see the ladder raises and marches off frame.
So the second part takes place a month later and is basically
a static shot of the damage that the standing water he
never fully removed from his room has done, which has
basically destroyed his business.
[LAUGH]
What starts as your basic kind of angry human baby berating
service industry employees video is turned on its head by
the interruption of this skinny little nerdlinger.
If you read the comments, it turns out to be a varsity
Greco-Roman wrestler who just happens to be a
Whataburger at 3:00 AM--
probably stoned, visibly stoned.
MALE SPEAKER 3: I asked you for a cheeseburger.
FEMALE SPEAKER 1: I'm sorry, what did you say?
MALE SPEAKER 3: I asked you for a cheeseburger!
FEMALE SPEAKER 1: Shut up!
MALE SPEAKER 4: Let them go.
Let them go.
[LAUGHTER]
MALE SPEAKER 4: Let them go.
[LAUGHTER]
THOMAS MORTON: To keep this from getting too kind of,
like, morality-heavy, next is a simple slice of life from
either North England or Scotland.
It's basically a guy who sees a trampoline
passing by in a storm.
MALE SPEAKER 5: Oh my god.
Trampoline.
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Oh yeah.
MALE SPEAKER 5: Oh my god.
Oh my god.
THOMAS MORTON: A picture-perfect sort of
life-imitates-art callback to one of the greatest moments of
1990s animation.
HOMER SIMPSON: [GASP]
Oh my god!
LISA SIMPSON: What is it?
HOMER SIMPSON: Tramampoline!
Trambopoline!
THOMAS MORTON: I don't think I've ever said trampoline
right since the airing of that episode.
To close this week, I wanted to show you guys a favored
video of a, it's sort of, it's a flying lawnmower that I
think they sell to model airplanes enthusiasts this set
to the tune of the moon level from NES's Duck Tales, adding
a twinge of nostalgia to the general air of serenity that
this should instill in you.
[8-BIT MUSIC PLAYING]
THOMAS MORTON: Well, that's it for now.
We'll be back next week.
Thanks for YouTube-ing in and subscribe
to this stuff, please.
ANDREW GREEN: I hope you enjoyed another episode of
Vice Today.
Come back every Monday and Thursday for new episodes.
And as always, if you like what you saw, click up here to
subscribe, and thanks for watching.