It's 2019
And guess who's back! (I wonder who)
JP:We are about to spend THOUSANDS
and THOUSANDS of dollars
ON
MYSTERY BOXES.
Ya boi, Jake Paul.
I gotta tell you, I was looking over his channel,
and his views have dipped a lot.
And, you know,
I'm not gonna sit here and tell you
that a million views
is not a lot.
But he's got videos with under a million views,
and that's- last year he was pushing like 5, 6, 7, 8 Million per video.
So
I'm not surprised to see that he has become a little bit more desperate for money
Which is the only way to really explain his newest video
Which is called "I SPENT $5,000 ON A MYSTERY BOX & You WON'T Believe WHAT I GOT... "
*Ethan goes Sicko Mode* insane!"
*cool transition*
Jake "Buy My Merch" Paul: "So uh, basically, there's this thing on the Internet called mystery boxes"
Jake "Pls Buy It" Paul: "You buy them, you don't know what's gonna be in them."
Jake "Everyday Bro" Paul: "They come to your house, you open it up and it's a MYSTERY."
JP: "You could get a pile of *censor word* or you could get a Rolls Royce.
So MysteryBrand is a website where you purchase different boxes
with chances of winning things.
*intake of oxygen*
Take, for example, this "Women's Christmas" box.
It costs $15.00 to open (wtf, that's an amazing deal)
and you can win anywhere from "ThE mOsT eXpEnSiVe Los Angeles Realty"
*visible confusion
What does that even mean? (no one knows, Ethan) Realty?
You can't even click it.
'Kay?
Doesn't even give you more information but apparently
It's worth 250 MILLION DOLLARS
I love that you can't click it like
There just like "trust us, there's a 250 million dollar house with your name on it." (no scam)
Imagine winning a 250 million dollar house a, as like, an 8 year old
And then you owe 2.5 million dollars a year in
PROPERTY TAX
to the government
All the down tooooooo
icicle.
site balance
*visible disbelief*
*inhale*
I have no idea what the "site balance" is
but
I'm willing to bet that
this is probably what 99% of what the people are getting
That is a very nice JPEG (yes it is)
I wonder if they just print out a picture of an icicle and mail that to you.
That would be exciting.
or you wou-might be as so lucky as to win a Ginger Man - site Balance.
*Disappointment*
Did they not complete this,
like,
what is with the "site balance"?
They have boxes that go as high as $250!
a Luis Vitton Supreme jacket
all the way down to Nutella Chocolate print hoodie
Wow (visual disgust)
I'd rather get a frickin icicle - site balance to be frank with you
Well, I don't think I need to look much deeper into this to know that it's a very strange, overseas scam
The website is practically not even written in English
What, what more do you need to know
They're saying the grand prize is a 250 million dollar house
JP: and today. Jake Paulers or Paul Jakers we are going to be doing our own mystery box uhm thingy magigy
"Can we do that"
JP: SICK! I DRANK SO MUCH COFFEE
Cup of coffee? Is that what we're calling it?
I don't remember Jake being this nuts
JP: I DRANK SO MUCH COFFEE
I don't think that guy drank coffee this morning, ya know what i'm saying?
There's some other energy coursing through this guys blood right now, i'm sure of it
JP: COFFEE
JP: Lemme explain, it's been 5 minutes now Jake get to the point
Basically we partnered with this brand uhh called MysteryBrand.net
JP: So basically we partnered with them because they're like the best and have like the dopest site and they have all of the dopest products and stuff like that
(Sarcasm) The coolest, dopest brand. We're partnered up with them, they're so cool, so amazing
God, i just drunk a bunch of coffee
WOOOOOOOO
Alright, let's finish this video up, 'cause I gotta get somewhere and uhh I'm getting low on coffee, so let's wrap this up
Hold on one second guys
EUGHHHHHH
Sorry my sinuses are all clogged up for some reason
JP: Like on their site you could literally win like a Rolls Royce, you could win a bunch of Supreme stuff, you can win iPhones, iPads. (Orgasms) All sorts of goods
JP: and we partnered with them because today I am going to spend thousands of dollars on mystery boxes and see what I get.
I feel like I'm watching a man deteriorate into insanity.
*Deep sigh*
I mean this is bananas, is he feeding an addiction right now?
Cause you wouldn't willfully advertise this to your kids for 14 minutes unless you really, really needed that money.
JP: Yeah if you like surprises as much as I do and you like mystery boxes, stay tuned, here we go
JP: Okay, here we go guys.
When did he start editing his videos like a shitty version of America's Funniest Home Videos
Is this all it takes?
To make content?
Is this all it takes to make content for kids on YouTube?
I mean this- is this funny?
*Snorts*
HEEEEUGHH
JP: I DRANK SO MUCH COFFEE
JP: Okay so basically there's a bunch of boxes on the site and you can like open them virtually
JP: They have all different types of stuff; Hypebeast, girls, gamers, clothing, a Christmas box. (Highpitch) Christmas
JP: Popular boxes, Apple boxes, Megatech, all sorts of stuff
JP: What're we feeling? What should we go for first? Some shoes? Should we try and win some shoes?
Start, start small, go for the car. Alright so I'm going for the box called "Hype Shoes." Uhh that one probably has the dopest shoes in there
JP: I'm a Hypebeast, what can I say?
JP: Honey, yes (I think)
JP: I might be able to win the Nike AIRMAG back to the futures, Yeezy's, Off White
(Slightly slurred) JP: Oh my gaw!
So what you should know about these kinda sponsored videos is that he's doing exactly what they instructed him
Obviously Jake Paul doesn't need shoes, he's a multi, multi millionaire
He's got all the shoes he wants, he would just buy them outright, so, what they're telling him to do is like: play the shoes, that's a popular one that a lot of your kids who watch your show will wanna play
So, he's on here pretending that he cares about shoes and he'll go on to pretend that he cares about winning an iPhone
JP: Apple boi box, I feel like I could win an iPhone in that, I'm a go for the iPhone right now
I mean, Jake Paul's got probably 20 iPhones. What does he care about it?
If you go online to a casino website, you're gonna find the same thing, it's got this very addictive instant gratification
It's got this very addictive instant gratification.
So one, if you do win the nice Yeezy's, I suspect they're probably gonna send you fakes from China,
and two, most likely. you're just gonna be winning a bunch of crap anyway, and good luck even collecting any of this.
but that's even besides the point because you're talking about 8 year olds, spending $100 to open a virtual crate for the chance of winning Yeezy's or a 250 million dollar house
I mean, you have to be 8 years old to believe that that's real.
JP: Try again, here we go. Show meee the money, Apple airpods. I'll keep that, I'll keep those, yup.
♪ I will never stop 'till I get the iPhone ♪
♪ I ain't never gonna stop gambling 'till I get the jackpot ♪
♪ Or until I have to sell my house and my cars ♪
♪ Or until I have to steal my mom's credit card ♪
♪ I'm gonna get that iPhone even though I could just buy it for 1000$ ♪
* clap *
♪ I'm gonna spend 7000$ to get a fake iPhone from China ♪
OOOOHHHHH
JP: (Can't say silicon) Silicoone, silicone shockproof case?
Silicoone?
JP: Silicoone?
Should we be concerned that Jake doesn't know what Silicon is?
JP: This box is $15 a time to try, but you can potentially win like iPads and iPhones and stuff so, this is like a good value one I feel like cause it's like 15 and then you can get like iPhones, so it's like, that's dope
Wow that is a really good value, we call that in the gambling world; Hedging your bets.
(Sarcasm) I recommend all you kids cause $15, low entry price ya know? Everyone's got 15 bucks, it was Christmas
Come on, I know nana gave you $100, put it on the website, you got $15
JP: Let's play the Hype Shoes one more time and see what we get
JP: and when you sell a shoe back you only, you get a percentage, of what you got for it originally. So you don't get the full value back uhmm but yeah it helps you like customise like what you actually wanna wear
JP: This is fun man, I'm gonna mystery box more often
(Sarcasm) This is fun man, I'm getting a crazy adrenaline rush
YEEES
(Sarcasm) Not like gambling at all, that's not why people get addicted to gambling for the rush of it
(Sarcasm) The perfect activity for an 8 year old
JP: 5% chance - Apple watch 95% chance. Box price, this one's a, one thousand, one hundred and thirty eight dollars (1138)
JP: I'm gonna confirm and submit it. Hopefully I win the iMac
JP: Please Jesus
JP: I'm actually nervous 'cause I could actually win this right, like I can
JP Cameraman: No don't question it bro, you already won some good prizes
JP: They're gonna actually mail this to me, oh my god okay
Why're you so surprised by that Jake?
You of all people should be convinced that they are actually gonna mail you stuff
You should let me be skeptical of this. If you're already skeptical in your video , I have no faith left in this website
(Sarcasm) They're gonna mail me this stuff right?
JP: Cereal box, opening for £1138 and 43 cents
JP Cameraman: Apple Watch
JP: Ayyyy, okay I wanted the iMac
JP: Alright I'll take the Apple watch, I'll take, I'll take the Apple watch, that's dope
Ohohohohohooo a thousand, one hundred dollars for an Apple Watch
JP: Alright I'll take the Apple watch, I'll take, I'll take the Apple watch, that's dope
JP: That's dope
JP: I DRANK SO MUCH COFFEE
At this point, I think it's worth mentioning that RiceGum, on the same exact day, made pretty much the same exact video, the same format, the same everything
His video was just so boring that there was really nothing more to show other than these clips
Although RiceGum's take is even a little bit more spicy than Jake's as he continues to insinuate throughout the video that this is a legitimate way to make money as well
RiceGum: No losing in this cause even if you get an item that you don't like you just sell it back, here we go
RiceGum: Hey guys, so I sold it back for like a $1000, which is so weird cause I bought a $100 box, but I got $1000 shoe out of it, so I got some profit
RiceGum: Yo, you can sell it back for like $2000 and buy even more boxes bro
RiceGum: I bought $160, I can sell this back for $600 and make profit
RiceGum: Ima do it, I'm making profit
RiceGum: I spent $4 for this. Yo, I just finessed the website. $4 airpods, you guys can see my balance right here. I started with like half of this
RiceGum: I just started opening stuff, got some cool stuff and then I like, sold back so I made back some of the money
RiceGum: I'm up right now though so like I've been having good luck on this site
RiceGum: Bro that's a $10,000 handbag, I'm bout to sell this, yo $10,000
Also something wonderful about RiceGum's video is that it was trending.
Yes. Youtube selected this, of all videos, to trend on this day.
I think YouTube should be extremely concerned about how they trend videos, and the fact that this one can slip through the filters and be promoted by YouTube,
is pretty amazing considering how they are careful with channels, like ours, not to trend.
Anyway, back to Jake.
JP: Kinda wanna see what you guys as fans, I want you guys to go to MysteryBrand.net right now and play this game and tell me and tweet me or something if you guys win this okay?
JP: Cause, like, I want someone to win something amazing
He wants you guys to all play and win something amazing
By the way, the comments.
"Jake, I tried this website and I completely got scammed out of a large amount of money. I am very upset to see you be sponsored by a company that scams people out of money"
(Sarcasm) Well just sounds like she's just a sore loser
Oh, but, Hamza Mowlid, who looks like he's 8, says "Yes Jake, I win Macbook Air"
(Sarcasm) Well there you go, I mean this is like legit you guys. I mean doesn't, you really don't get better, more legit feedback than that
JP: That is it guys, the items are on the way. Lets wait
JP: OHHHHHHH snap
* shitty sound fx*
JP: The goods are here. Oh we have to be quiet we're in a hotel room, shhhh
JP: No way is this real right now, are you seeing this Ari?
JP Cameraman: I'm seeing it, and there's one right here
JP: I, like, bro, they're actually here
JP Cameraman: I know
JP: The stuff is here
JP Cameraman: Can you believe it?
JP: This is the best part of the whole entire thing, is the unboxing, it's like Christmas all over again
JP: It's like Christmas all over again, look at all this amazing stuff
JP: Go to MysteryBrand.net if you WANT to win some mystery boxes. This video was so much fun, thank you so much for watching, I love you guys and I will see you tomorrow ITS EVERYDAY BRO PEACE
Dude just spent $10,000
and he's making it look like he came up in
This has got to be one of the worst things I've seen on YouTube, simply because his fans are so young and so impressionable
that
I mean there's a reason you have to be 21 years old to gamble because you need to know what you're doing, it's dangerous, it's addicting,
it's a vice right, it's a real vice
Many lives have been ruined due to gambling addiction
and so when you introduce something like this that is quite literally gambling to an 8 to 12 year old, especially on YouTube where you're supposed to be a reputable site
and this is supposed to be a family friendly channel, man this is bananas
Parents have gotta see this
Well guys, it may be 2019 but some things never change
So I've got some coffee brewing
AHHHHHH
I'VE GOT SOME COFFEE BREWING
I'M FEELING SUPER ENERGETIC
I'VE GOT A SPONSOR ON THE LINE WHO SAYS THAT IF I CAN GET ANYONE TO DONATE THEIR SPLEEN THEY'RE GONNA PAY ME $100,000 PER SPLEEN,
AND I'VE FOT A REALLY BAD COFFEE ADDICTION IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
SO GUYS GO TO THE LINK IN THE DESCRIPTION TO DONATE YOUR SPLEEN
*Outro plays* Click on one of the videos up on screen to continute to support H3H3Productions, Thank you for watching.