Well hey is this thing on is this recording hey hello I
Yeah, okay first paragraph. I am a radiologist period next paragraph I
like to do this because comma
delete that the due to the fact that I like things like electrons and
positrons
Period next paragraph magnets. I like magnets and and and and humans no. I don't like them
They're gross and they talk too much period next paragraph. I wait are we not dictating
What's going? Oh, sorry? Oh? We're just talking ah? Ah ah ah ah!
That's it's a third time today
That I've spoken um I like radiology. It's a fit for me. I get to hang out in a dark place because you know Ooo look at these eyes!
And also I was in gate the gifted and talented education because you know boop boop boop boop boop boop
Lots of brainpower boop boop very few friends Boop BOOOP
Except for Bob. Bob is the ultrasound tech he and I are
Tight we are homies bob is always what do the kids say slipping into my BM's or somesuch?
Is that the right? Bob? Anyways Bob has lots of tattoos so the patient's sometimes get a little bit boop bwoop
like you know
Bob are you gonna probe my gallbladder?
With an arm sleeve that says I love Satan and yet the patients love him!
He can rule out appendicitis with an ultrasound like it's not even equivocal. It's just no it's cool. And the worst thing they'll sometimes
He'll just tell the patient yeah your appendix is fine, and then I read it
And I'm like yeah, your appendix is fine, and the patient's like yeah, no shit, Sherlock
I I talked to Bob and I'm like you're not supposed to talk to Bob about that. That's why I get paid the big money!
Ie Bob can't bill for that diagnosis I-I...
Anyways is it bright in here is it just me?
It's too bright. If you other doctors are watching okay people that my dad calls "real doctors"
There are a couple pet peeves that us radiologists have number one. Let me know
Why you're ordering a total body CT scan and if it's rule out gout,
I might just have Bob call you up and threaten your life.
Because that's insane it exposes to our patients a little thing called radiation, which you know BWOOO!
You think vaccines are bad and cause autism try radiating your chesticles with like 10 billion Roentgens for no reason!
Don't ever ask me to say Roentgen again! Number next the ER. The ER is the worst come on guys
Guys what is this a fishing expedition is this Gilligan's Island? Ohhhh sit right back, and we'll order every single test we can
Because we're covering all our asses against that guy in ten! You know the ER orders like 20 studies
And then you call them, and you're like so what are these studies....
For...compadre and they're like oh, we haven't seen the patient yet.
I mean hello! All those Roentgens flying around for no clinical reason...?
I still get paid though so it's all good keep them coming boys!
Yeah, my favorite though is the stat exams. It's like rule out cancer stat!
Homie, that patient has been worried about cancer for the last like whole entire life. Like why do we need a stat rule out cancer?
And first of all you can't rule out cancer with a scan...guys!
Garbage in garbage out. Help me help you help me help you help us get the billing done so the CEO gets off our back.
Here's the best thing this primary care guy, okay?
He calls up, and he's like yeah
Yeah, I need I need I need some help figuring out how I'm supposed to treat this sarcoid
So could you help me with the sarcoid, and I'm like bitch. I'm a radiologist.
You're the doctor.
You're supposed to figure out how to treat it. I tell you whether there's something suggestive of sarcoid
Suggests clinical correlation, you're the damn clinical correlation buddy, okay, get correlating. I actually have a job, okay?
I have to work every day
I read these films. I dictate "Uh...suggest clinical correlation." That's how I get paid.
I don't go home until my shits done
Y'all come in to radiology. You're like. I just wanna I have a question about the scan
What are these white things right here? And I'm like they're the spine.
The dictation is online. You can just check it out.
Okay, now if you're coming down here to give me some clinical information like oh by the way
This guy took a bullet in his peepee and that may explain the density that you're seeing...
Well, that's helpful to me because then I can dictate better, but otherwise I don't like talking to human beings
I may just be a radiologist here with the big eyes and the yacht cuz I'm rich
But I didn't get rich like not giving results that are gonna
Potentially affect someone's life so get your shit together. Take...here's your shit
Get it in a room
pull it together
and then just bundle it up.
Get your shit together
Look at these eyes they don't like the light