(chiming)
- Hey, guys.
Grant, here.
If you're single like me,
you might have tough time cooking
or grocery shopping
without throwing away a ton of food.
You might also have a Peter Pan Complex
and the feeling that no one loves you
because deep down, you don't deserve it.
Here are five tips to help with the first thing.
(chiming)
The first thing I recommend for single people
is to skip cooking all together.
Get take out.
It really cuts down on the sad factor
of standing over a small burner alone.
Um, Grant, I'm single
but I like cooking.
You're lying to yourself.
The only people who like cooking
are the ones with someone to cook for.
That ain't you, Buster,
and at this rate,
it might never be.
(cork popping)
Sometimes getting take out
just isn't practical.
On those nights,
I like to call in the Navy.
Captain Crunch and Captain Morgan.
The breakfast cereal's an inexpensive source of carbs
to fill your stomach but not your soul
and alcohol will put you to sleep
so you can stop feeling this way.
Now, doctors say alcohol's a depressant
but those know-it-alls don't know real depression.
They probably all have kids and houses.
(cork popping)
From time to time,
you gotta fire up the oven and make a lasagna,
the way mom used to make.
It has all the carby goodness of cereal
and it smells like childhood.
Remember that smell?
Oh, God, you were so happy then, weren't you?
You had so much potential.
You hadn't disappointed so many people,
most of all yourself.
When you're done,
go ahead and leave the whole pan in the sink.
Who's gonna care?
Please.
Somebody care.
(cork popping)
I date.
I do, I date a lot.
Enough anyway.
It doesn't work out
and I tell myself
it wasn't the right person but
I don't know.
Could it be
that I don't want someone who wants me
because what kind of person would want me?
Therapist.
I can't afford a therapist.
I have student loans.
That's another thing.
Why would anyone date someone
who's so fucking broke all the time?
Why, would I inflict myself
on someone else?
Ah, yeah.
Don't buy too much.
(cork popping)
(chiming)
(popping)
(upbeat instrumental music)
Fuck.
(heartbeat)
Hey, it's Grant from College Humor.
Click here to subscribe to the channel.
Click here for more fun stuff.
Sorry, you guys.
It feels like I'm out.
Am I out?
'Cause I can like,
I can see the top of the camera so it's-
Is this better?
Alright, it feels worse.
Okay, thanks for watching.