>> Stephen: HEY THERE.
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A COMEDIAN AND ACTOR WHO'S STARRED
IN EVERYTHING FROM "ALADDIN" TO "SHARKNADO 4."
PLEASE WELCOME GILBERT GOTTFRIED!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HOLO.
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE MEL B DIDN'T TALK TO ME BACKSTAGE, BECAUSE I
USED TO BE IN THE SPICE GIRLS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: REALLY, WHICH ONE WERE YOU.
>> Stephen: I WAS JULIE SPICE.
>> Stephen: I REMEMBER, I REMEMBER.
REMEMBER.
KIDS LOVE THAT.
TWEENS LOVE THAT.
GILBERT, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE-- WE'VE ACTUALLY-- WE'VE
ACTUALLY HAY COUPLE OF TIMES WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO BE THERE TO
CELEBRATE EVENTS CALLED "LIFE ANIMATED."
YOU HAVE A PART, AN AUTISTIC CHILD LEARNED TO COMMUNICATE
WITH HIS PARENT AND HIS FRIENDS THROUGH THE POWER OF DISNEY
ANIMATION, AND YOUR CHARACTER, YARGO THE PARROT.
>> THE FATHER PUT ON A YARGO PUPPET, AND HE STARTED IMITATING
MY VOICE.
AND-- AND HIS SON, WHO DIDN'T COMMUNICATE AT ALL--
>> Stephen: HADN'T TALKED TO THEM FOR FOUR YEARS.
>> STARED AT IT AND RECOGNIZED IT AS AN OLD FRIEND, AND THEY
WERE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE AFTER THAT.
>> Stephen: AND THEN THE DOOR OPENED COMMUNICATION FOR THE
WHOLE FAMILY.
>> AND I ALREADY KNEW ABOUT-- ( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
( CHEERS ).
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
YEAH, YEAH.
AND WE TALKED AFTER THE FIRST SCREENING OF IT, AND I SORT OF
DID A LITTLE INTERVIEW WITH YOU, AND YOU SAID YOU LEARNED A LOT.
>> YEAH, I LEARNED EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT AUTISM FROM JENNY
McCARTHY.
( LAUGHTER ) AND-- AND I HAVE TWO KIDS.
SHEQUENCEED ME NOT TO VACCINATE EITHER ONE OF THEM.
AND THE GOOD NEWS IS NEITHER OF MY CHILDREN HAVE AUTISM.
THE BAD NEWS IS THEY BOTH HAVE POLO.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
SO YOU GOTTA TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, OBVIOUSLY.
>> I MEAN, COME ON!
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ) YOU ARE-- YOU ARE-- THAT WAS NOT
A SURPRISING JOKE COMING FROM YOU.
YOU ACTUALLY TOLD THIS IN FRONT OF A ROOM OF ABOUT 1500 PEOPLE,
MANY OF WHOM WERE THERE BECAUSE THEIR CHILDREN ACTUALLY WERE
DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED.
>> YES, THIS IS WHY -- >> Stephen: AND THIS IS WHAT I
LOVE ABOUT YOU.
THERE'S NO JOKE YOU WON'T TELL AS SOON AS YOU THINK OF IT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> YEAH, WELL, AND NOW, YOU CAN'T TELL JOKES ANYMORE.
IT'S LIKE THE WHOLE SOCIETY GOES CRAZY IF THEY DON'T LIKE THE
JOKE.
I FEEL LIKE JOKES NOW SHOULD COME FROM A SET OF INSTRUCTIONS.
LIKE IF YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, LAUGH.
IF YOU DON'T THINK IT'S FUNNY, DON'T LAUGH.
YOU KNOW.
IT'S-- ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: IS THERE ANY-- LIKE, YOU'VE MADE JOKES ABOUT
THINGS, LIKE RECENT TRAGEDIES.
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE MADE JOKE POSITIVE RECENT TRAGEDIES.
AND IT'S CAUSED YOU SOME TROUBLES.
>> THANK GOD IT'S BEEN KEPT OUT OF THE PAPER.
>> Stephen: THE RULE IS TRAGEDY PLUS TIME.
WHAT'S YOUR TIME LIMIT?
>> NO, I LIKE TO DO IT RIGHT AWAY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: WHEN IT'S FRESH.
FRESH MEAT?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY.
>> I LIKE TO GET THE INTERNET TO HATE ME RIGHT AWAY.
>> Stephen: WELL, WE'RE WELL ON OUR WAY, GILBERT.
YOU JUST POSTED THIS ON YOUR INSTAGRAM.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
OKAY, SO THIS IS YOU, THIS IS YOU.
AND THIS IS-- THIS GENTLEMAN RIGHT HERE IS THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES NOW.
THIS FACE BEHIND-- WHERE WAS THIS?
AND WHERE WERE YOU PULLING THE FACE BEHIND THE PRESIDENT?
>> I THINK I WAS ABOUT SEVEN WHEN THIS WAS TAKEN.
IT WAS AT SOME EVENT, AND DONALD TRUMP, I DIDN'T REALLY-- I KNEW
WHO HE WAS IN REAL ESTATE, AND I WAS FASCINATED BY HIM BECAUSE I
KNOW ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE, WHITE PEOPLE, AND YELLOW PEOPLE.
BUT I NEVER SEEN AN ORANGE PERSON BEFORE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND-- AND SO THIS IS-- AND SO I
DECIDED, YOU KNOW, HE WASN'T THE PRESIDENT AT THE TIME, TO GO
BEHIND HIM AND START MAKING FACES.
>> Stephen: YOU COULD BE ARRESTED SOON FOR THAT.
>> YEAH, NOW I COULD BE AT LEAST AUDITED.
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU'VE GOT A PODCAST CALLED "GILBERT
GOTTFRIED'S AMAZING COLOSSAL PODCAST."
YOU'VE INTERVIEWED LEGENDS LIKE BRUCE DERN, ED ASNER, DICK VAN
DYKE.
THESE ARE OLDER GENTLEMEN-- >> YEAH, THE AVERAGE AGE OF OUR
GUEST IS DEAD.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: TOUGH TO-- LIKE
INTERVIEWING DICK VAN DYKE, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVED DICK
VAN DYKE "THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW," "MARY POPINS."
DO YOU HAVE TO WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE?
>> NO, THAT'S THE AMAZING THING.
WE HAD DICK VAN DYKE, WHO IS 19.
AND HE WAS ONE OF OUR-- WE GOT HIM TO APPEAL TO THE YOUNGER
CROWD.
AND-- ( LAUGHTER )
AND DICK VAN DYKE, THE FIRST STORY HE TELLS US THAT HE AND
ANOTHER FORMER GUEST OF OUR PODCAST, ORSON BEAN --
>> Stephen: ORSON BEAN!
>> YES, THEY USED TO BE FRIENDS-- I GUESS STILL ARE.
AND WHEN THEY WERE STRUGGLING PERFORMERS, EVERY DAY THEY WOULD
GO TO THE CENTRAL PARK ZOO, AND THEY WOULD WATCH THIS
CHIMPANZEE, WHO WOULD SMOKE A CIGAR, AND MASTURBATE.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS-- AND HE WAS A MASTURBATING
MONKEY.
NOW, I'M THE MASTURBATING MONKEY.
( LAUGHTER ) EXCEPT I DON'T SMOKE A CIGAR.
>> Stephen: SO YOU CAN SAY THAT-- YOU CAN SAY THAT IN FRONT
OF DICK VAN DYKE.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: GUESS WHERE YOU CAN'T SAY THAT?
CBS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I DON'T THINK ANY OF THAT'SING IF TO-- WE'LL FIND OUT.
WE'LL FIEND OUT.
GILBERT, LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
"GILBERT GOTTFRIED'S AMAZING COLOSSAL PODCAST" IS ON iTUNES.
CHECK IT OUT.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED, EVERYBODY!