Alrighty, the time has come ladies and gents,
boys and girls,
or whatever you identify as.
I’m gonna take a look at the popular
and destructive world
of Gender Reveal Parties.
Nothing says ‘I’m ready to be a dad’
like doing a sick burnout on a quad bike.
And he screws it!
Hopefully Mum
will be the one giving the boy bicycle lessons.
He’s like “YEAH I’m a Dad!”
The Great American tradition of Baseball
is a popular method of Gender reveal.
Although it helps
if one of you knows how to play.
If you do wanna do the baseball reveal
ya should try to avoid
hitting your grandparents
in the fuckin’ face!
They’re super handy babysitters
for when you need to go to the pub.
So yeah, bad idea.
On second thought, avoid throwing the ball.
Do tee-ball instead!
(SMACK)
Yeah, that was much safer.
Aw don’t get the fetus’s sibling involved.
He doesn’t wanna do it.
He’s vanished!
He’s in the upside down.
Oh no there he is.
He’s okay.
Balloons are another possibly SAFER way
of finding out the sex of your child.
This balloon is stubborn though.
It’s like “ya know what?
I don’t need this bullshit.
I’m pissing off.
See ya wouldn’t wanna be ya.”
Dad chases it but he gets taken down
by a stationary fence.
[Friends laughter]
“QUIT FUCKING LAUGHING AT ME, TIM!
YOU TOO KAREN”
What if we put balloons inside a box
and give that a tug?
System failure!
She’s hit!
Crikey, that reminded me
of the JFK assassination.
Her head goes…
- "Back, and to the left.
Back and to the left.
Back and to the left."
Surely NOTHING will go wrong here.
The box is on the floor aaand...
oh fuck me that’s a lot of genders.
She’s not happy.
But gender is fluid and constantly evolving,
so it’s cruel to inflict a narrow view of the world
on a cardboard box
trying to figure out who it is, you know?
No matter who your box chooses to love
it’s still your box
and you can be proud of it.
These people throw pink powder in the air
and out pops a giant
dancing baby.
That’s disturbing.
I don’t even have any jokes.
This fair dinkum’ seems like a horror movie.
The power of gender compels you.
3, 2, 1.
EXPLOSION!
This is all getting very
“America Fuck Yeah” right now.
3, 2, 1.
EXPLOSION!
Yeah nah THAT’S how you announce
a penis!
Okay, maybe not,
it actually took two weeks
to put this fire out.
I recommend sending a card
to family and friends next time.
Or a text.
I’d give the same advice
to these dickheads down under
as well.
Don’t go over the top.
Real life is not the same
as fast and the furious.
I mean, congratulations,
it’s great you can modify ya car
to become a baby gender announcement machine,
but now ya can’t turn it off.
You fucked it up.
And it’s on fire.
How’re ya gonna get to work?
I don’t think insurance will cover this.