When should you stop multi dating and invest exclusively in a guy who's investing in you?
Can you go to a singles party alone and what do you do when a guy's on his phone throughout
your first date?
Welcome to Ask Mark It's week number 38, and I'm having so much fun with this segment.
It's like the question just keep getting better and better.
So thank you for sending them and keep them coming in the video below comment down there
and make sure you hit that subscribe button before we get started.
It is booked plane tickets to the US are booked.
I'm coming to visit you.
I have dates where I will have dates coming out for you very soon.
I have a pretty good idea in my head.
It's going to be really cool.
We're going to have a full workshop, super interactive, super fun, practical and theory
skills.
And then for a extra little group we're going to go out and we're going to have dinner,
hit the town, meet some guys.
I literally cannot wait.
So that's going to be over, uh, in the US and I'm going to give you the dates for that
soon.
Make sure you're on board.
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Let's get into the questions and a sensational one.
Sensational.
Love this question from Gulab this week.
So Gulab writes, Hi Mark.
I love your advice.
I was multi dating and my question is how soon to agree to become exclusive with someone
who is showing a lot of interest and investment?
Love this question, right?
I'm always talking about finding men who invest in you.
So now you've found one, how do you know when to give up that huge benefit of exclusivity?
One of the guys I was seeing who had shown a lot of investment, who I really like, asked
to become my boyfriend after three dates.
He was not seeing other people.
Even though I was, I said it was too soon to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend
and continue going on dates with other people, which is a fair call.
Whom I wasn't clicking with as much.
Anyway, after my fourth date with him, I agreed to see him exclusively, although without putting
titles on our relationship just yet, which I think is very wise.
I know it's not healthy to rush into relationships, but I just felt that agreeing to see him exclusively
was the most respectful and least gamey thing to do.
At this point, he was and still is showing a lot of investment.
I was and still am genuinely interested in him, in him.
And even though I would be happy to see other people if he wasn't investing as heavily.
Since he was investing, it would feel like I was just seeing other people for my own
ego boost and to have an array of options on the side uh if I carried on doing so.
Uh, it didn't feel fair on him since he was putting in so much effort.
What do you think I should've done, Mark?
Fantastic question and as you become the high value woman, as you grow more and more into
into your best self, more and more you're going to have men who are investing in you
loving what they find and wanting to be exclusive sooner and sooner, and this is where you've
got to come in and monitor this.
So it's important that with multi dating it never becomes misleading or gamey and Gulab
touched on very something very important here, which is your intent.
And I talk about this in quite a few videos is what's your intent?
Why are you doing it?
And Gulab had mentioned something, I feel like I would have been just doing it to feed
my own ego.
Bad intent, right?
It's not coming from a place of high self esteem and this is where it brings me to the
most important factor about whether or not you decided to go exclusive and what I talk
about with my clients.
How good are you at choosing men?
This is something I talk especially with my blueprint clients a lot about is the poorer
choices you found yourself making with men in the past.
The longer you should date, non exclusively before you decide to commit.
If I have a client who comes to me and her blueprint is clearly attract, attracting narcissistic
men or addicts over and over again, then her love blueprint needs a transformation.
It's been coded to attract a certain type of man that isn't going to give her the fulfilling
relationship that she really wants.
Thus, she needs to monitor that blueprint a lot more when selecting men.
If you on the other hand have always selected great men who have treated you well, who've
been respectful, and the only reason for your breakups has just been incompatibilities or
differences of values, then you'd be more likely to have a shorter exclusive period
because you tend to pick men that are really good for you.
So there's no clear answer as to when to go exclusive.
The important thing is to number one, never manipulate, so the guy should know what's
going on and you can be honest about it.
And number two, decide, know the levels of kind of investment.
Obviously labels is is a big thing and I definitely agree with Gulab.
The situation is too early for labels, but what most women don't recognize is that going
exclusive and committing exclusive to someone, saying, I'm not going to date anyone else
right now is like 90% of the way to a label.
That's the vast, the, the label was literally just a name.
If the guy's investing, if the relationship's progressing, I've got a video on this soon,
but if all this is happening then the label is basically a formality.
The level of commitment once you go exclusive is still quite high.
So you've got a few options here.
The first thing you can do is you can just decide, no, I haven't picked the best men
in the past.
I want to give this another month.
And you can use the advice from the how to tell him you're not exclusive video where
you basically sit down and you say, look, honestly I'm doing this for me.
I haven't picked the best men in the past, so I want to give this more time.
I'd love your help with this, but if you're not on board, that's totally cool.
I'll put a link to that video in the description.
But if you've had a history of not picking great guys, then you want to have a longer
non-exclusive period.
And in situations like this, you can be honest and say, look, I just want to make sure, so
I just want to stay casual right now, but I am loving this.
I'd love for your support with that.
The second option is to go a bit further and to say, okay, I'm actually not dating anyone
else at the moment.
You know, I don't want to commit myself yet, but I just want to see where this goes, but
I'm not seeing anyone else right now.
And that way the guy gets the feeling okay I'm winning.
She's not committed per se, but I'm definitely winning.
So that's going to be good for him, you know?
That gets you more time to just make sure that he's continuing to invest in you and
do all the right things.
And the third option is to actually say, okay, yeah, let's commit to not seeing anyone else
you know from now until we say otherwise.
So just going over those three again.
The first one is to say, look, not yet.
Let's keep this casual.
I'd love your help.
Second one is to say, I'm not seeing anyone else right now, but I also don't want to commit
too exclusive in the future.
Let's take it as it comes.
The guy feels like he's winning, but that situation will have to evolve.
Or the third one is to say, okay, let's try this exclusive thing.
No labels at this stage, but I'm excited to do this with you and we'll let each other
know if we want to stop.
So those are your three investment levels, Gulab.
Those are your three options.
And for you at home, if you went to this spot, for what it's worth, I think this guy is doing
a lot of investing.
He's sounding like, you know he's heading in the right direction.
Be aware of the Romeo personality.
The third date boyfriend thing was pretty full on, so that's probably the one you've
got a monitor.
You might want to go down the middle option just for that reason and say, look, I'm not
seeing anyone else right now.
I do want to keep things non-committal at this stage, but let's just see where this
goes.
That might be the best option for you right now, Gulab, but you've got to make this decision
for yourself.
Just understand the, you know, the big investment it is to go exclusive, how important that
is and the more you've attracted if you've attracted not so great guys consistently in
the past, you want to leave it longer and really assess that guy.
You know while you're, while you have other men there and while you're going, okay, are
these the traits that I really want to attract?
Has my love blueprint changed to the point where I'm happy with this man?
Fantastic question.
I love it.
The next question is from Noa and Noa's actually got two.
Greedy Noa, my God.
First question from Noa is, is it weird to go to a singles party alone?
I asked my girlfriends to come with me, but they aren't single and don't want to go.
So is it totally acceptable to go alone?
Any advice for girl going alone?
Hell yeah, it's acceptable.
Hell yeah, it is.
I have clients, you know, a couple of really confident clients who can do this, but for
a lot of clients, this is a real struggle and this is a tough mission, but it's a fantastic
one because if you go there alone, you're not, you know, in the corner with your friends,
you're not hanging out with her most of the night.
You go there alone, you've got to talk to people, right?
It's fantastic.
You know, men will often approach you, practice your smile, practice your eye contact.
It's always good to chat to bartenders, to chat to the organizer, asked to introduce
to a couple of people.
Anytime someone joins your group, you know, introduce yourselves to get your hand.
Hey, I'm Noa, whatever your name is.
You know, just getting that connection.
How do you know each other?
It's a fantastic skill set and if you grow confidence in this area going out alone, my
God you'll be able to meet with men anywhere.
Fantastic growth exercise.
I'd recommend you to do it.
Going, going out alone and going to make guys alone.
Obviously make sure you're safe, in a safe environment, but it is a fantastic social
skill set, growth exercise to do.
And Noa's other question, just two good questions from Noa this week, what to do when a guy's
on his cell phone on a first date or any date, do I speak up or do I ignore?
This is one of those questions where you can literally reverse it and say, what do I do
if a girl is on a cell phone or a woman's on a cell phone?
And the advice is exactly the same.
So it's one of those ones where I go, Hmm, what would I do in that situation?
And the fact is I've become a lot less attracted to that person, right?
First dates are about understanding, you know, getting to know someone, getting to know their
social skills, getting to know who they are, the way they treat people.
If someone's on their phone on a first date, especially consistently, you know, you might
pull it out once or twice to check, but especially consistently, it just shows a lack of social
awareness.
It's frankly just rude.
So I'd be a lot less attracted to that person.
On a first date it's really not your place to tell them what to do or how to act.
You can certainly make playful fun of it.
You know, get up and go get off the phone, you goof and see what their response is to
that.
But if they keep doing it, you know, it just shows such an unattractive lack of social
awareness that for me it'd be a total turnoff and I wouldn't frankly be into that person
anymore.
By the way, I should add this definitely been times where someone's been on their phone
and been apologetic about it, and that's not the same thing.
If someone's really socially aware, I have a lot of respect for if someone pulls out
their phone and they go, I'm so sorry, don't hate me.
I've just got to check a few things on my phone.
I think that's fantastic because that's actually demonstrating social awareness.
Now, if they're doing that every five minutes, I might get over it, but you know, if she's
pulling out a phone two, three, four times and said, I'm really sorry, I've just got
a few things I've got to check.
I'm so sorry and it's an important work thing that that's sounds reasonable.
Then you're going to go, okay, this woman has social awareness, she knows the norms,
but if someone's not even mentioning that, they're doing it, that's so unattractive.
Bugger that!
So unattractive.
Great questions this week.
Love it.
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