Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink.
Today, we are going to learn about how to stop caring what anyone thinks.
Now, let’s begin.
1.
Emotional Projection You spend a lot of time worrying about what
other people think.
You obsess over their opinions of you, but what is your opinion of yourself?
Insecurity is an inward experience.
If you’re feeling insecure, it’s because you don’t have confidence in yourself.
Without that confidence, you can’t embody the kind of person you want to show the world.
For example, let’s say you’re starting a new job.
You’re struggling to keep up, and now you worried your coworkers are criticizing you.
But the truth is… you’re criticizing yourself.
You believe you’re incapable, so you worry other people are saying the same things.
This psychological tool is called projection, and you wouldn’t believe how common it really
is.
It’s something you do every day—at work and at home, with your friends and with your
family.
You project your own emotions and thoughts onto the people in your life.
If you’re angry, you see anger.
If you’re doubtful, you see doubt.
In other words, if you’re feeling insecure about something, you will project that insecurity
onto the people around you.
If you want to stop caring what people think, look at the emotions you’re projecting onto
others.
You’re afraid of what people think, because you’re afraid of what you think.
The problem isn’t them… it’s you.
You need to build your self-esteem.
You need to understand your value.
That way, you can radiate confidence from inside yourself.
That’s ultimately how you build self-esteem and self-awareness.
Without those tools, you conform to the people in your environment.
You change to satisfy others when the only person you need to satisfy… is yourself.
Look inward.
Challenge your emotions.
Try to understand the source of your insecurities.
Changing another person’s opinion of you is a waste of your time; but changing your
opinion of yourself… that’s invaluable.
2.
Valuable Bonds You will meet hundreds if not thousands of
people in your life.
Some of them are lifelong friends.
Others are passing acquaintances you’ll never see again.
If you want to stop caring what people think, you need to make this important distinction:
“whose opinions do I value… and whose do I ignore?”
Many people overvalue the opinions of strangers.
They can’t distinguish between close, meaningful relationships and shallow, surface relationships.
Let's have dozens of friends.
You’re constantly surrounded by people… but none of these people know you below the
surface.
If all your friendships are shallow and fleeting, it feels like everyone’s opinion matters.
You’re constantly striving to impress a group of people who don’t understand you
as an individual.
That’s why you need people who get you—people in your life that have a sense of who you
are.
They know your principles and your goals.
They know your weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
And they respect and appreciate you, just like you respect and appreciate them.
These are the people you should care about.
They know enough to offer you a meaningful, considerate opinion.
It’s worth your while to consider their feedback and value their advice.
Because they’re not just anyone.
Your emotional connection gives them the perspective and empathy to share their thoughts.
Strangers, on the other hand, use only what they see on the surface.
Their opinions are limited and shallow, because they don’t know you.
So their opinions don’t carry the same weight.
If you’re worried about what someone thinks, ask yourself this: does this person know me?
Does this person understand me?
Most of the time, they don’t.
3.
Cultivating Passions What are you passionate about?
Cultivating your passions is some of the best ways to strengthen your sense of self.
Your passions give your confidence and courage.
They empower you to take risks and explore uncharted territory.
Your passions are often a tremendous source of self-worth, but what if you don’t know
what you’re passionate about?
Everyone has passions, but not everyone knows what they are.
You may feel unsure, insecure, or incapable, because you haven’t discovered something
that lights your fire.
Unfortunately, your insecurity is like quicksand.
The more you struggle to break free, the worse it gets.
You desperately want to find something meaningful—something to give you a sense of purpose—but each
time you fail… it drives you deeper into the quicksand.
As you sink lower, you become more and more self-conscious of what people think of you,
and that sabotages your search for meaning.
So, what do you do?
How do you find a passion and a purpose?
And how do you escape the quicksand of your insecurity?
The secret is… stop searching.
You’re trying too hard to find this imaginary, unattainable thing.
You can’t find it, because it doesn’t exist.
At least not yet.
Instead of searching for your ultimate passion, start with something simple.
Do one activity that you enjoy.
Do one thing that sounds fun to you.
That sounds way too easy, doesn’t it?
But that’s where every passion begins.
You do something you like, and that something evolves over time into a hobby, then a passion,
then a lifelong pursuit.
And it’s the journey that gives you self-confidence, self-security, and self-worth.
When you stop struggling to accomplish the impossible… you can escape the quicksand
that’s been pulling you down all these years.
As you try new things and discover your passions, you’ll discover people’s opinions of you
matter less and less.
Because their quick judgments pale in comparison to the value you ascribe to yourself.
In other words, your self-worth overpowers their opinions and criticism.
And it all starts with one, simple activity—one thing that you enjoy doing.
Give everything a shot, because you never know what is going to spark your passion.
You never know what will give your life the purpose you’ve been looking for.
4.
Your Personal Philosophy Do you have a personal philosophy?
A personal philosophy is a powerful, concrete tool you can use to understand your inner
and outer self.
A personal philosophy is a short phrase that captures your direction, your beliefs, and
your values.
It communicates in a few words a sense of your principles, which provides you with a
motto to live by.
But why is it important to create a personal philosophy?
Your philosophy becomes your guiding light, which you can use every time you feel lost,
criticized, or unsure.
It helps you understand and appreciate yourself, while pushing you to take risks, embrace discomfort,
and accomplish your goals.
To put it simply, a personal philosophy gives you a clearer sense of who you are.
And the better you understand yourself… the more confident and secure you’ll become.
So how do you write a personal philosophy?
Start with some questions that narrow down the ideas you really care about.
What beliefs are the most prominent in your life?
What kind of people do you admire and why?
What quotes, ideas, and goals inspire you to work and grow?
Questions like these summarize the broad characteristics of who you want to be.
To write your philosophy, summarize those characteristics under a common theme.
For example, a diligent, hard-working person who values success and preparation may live
by this philosophy: “Give 110% every day.”
Once you’ve written your philosophy, share your ideas with a loved one—someone who
has a good sense of who you are.
Get their feedback and explain your reasoning.
Then take action.
With your philosophy in place, live your life by the words you’ve chosen for yourself.
But keep this in mind.
A philosophy is not a tagline or a catchphrase.
Don’t go around telling your philosophy to everyone you meet.
Some people brag about their philosophies and advertise their values.
They use their philosophy to convince other people that they are what they say they are.
But there’s only one way to realize your philosophy: you have to embody the words you’ve
selected for yourself.
Silently guide yourself toward self-improvement.
And remember that your philosophy, like your goals, dreams, and priorities, is subject
to change.
Be flexible.
Be strong, but most of all… walk your own path.
If you can do that, other people’s opinions will bounce right off of you.
Because you’ve taken the time to align yourself with a personal philosophy you can proudly
embrace.
5.
The Impossible Truth No matter who you are or what you’ve done,
there’s one simple, frustrating truth you need to swallow.
You will never make everyone like you.
It doesn’t matter how famous, influential, or wealthy you are.
You could be the most generous human being on the planet.
Other people would still find reasons to tear you down.
You want to stop caring what people think of you, so it’s time to rewrite your expectations.
When you walk into a room, do you become self-conscious of the impression you’re leaving on others?
That’s because you expect to be universally liked.
You expect to make a positive impression on everyone you meet.
When you fail, you beat yourself up.
You concentrate on your critics, and you start changing yourself for other people.
But no matter how much you change, you will always have enemies.
On social media, for example, you might have thousands of followers… but you have just
as many critics.
If you want to become a more confident and secure individual, change your expectations.
Don’t worry about every person in the room.
Worry about you and the people you value.
Do you like yourself?
Do your friends enjoy your company?
If the answer is yes, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
If the answer is no, stop changing yourself for the sake of critics.
Because no matter what you do… they will always be there.
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