Defining ourselves by what we are not
is the first step that leads us to really knowing
who we are.
You know that group of friends that you hang out with
that really might not bring out the best in you.
You know, they- they gossip too much or they're kind of shady.
They really aren't going to be there for you in a pinch.
Or that computer screen, right
That computer screen that keeps giving us an excuse
not to get out of the house
and engage with the world and get some real human interaction.
How about that food that we keep eating
stuff that tastes so good going down
it makes us feel like crap the next week
when we feel lethargic, and we keep putting on weight.
Well, those people, those places, those things
Stop giving them your time and energy
just don't go there, I mean put them down.
And when you do this,
when you do put them down, when you quit going there
and you quit giving them your time
you inadvertently find yourself spending more time and in more places
that are healthy for you, that bring you more joy.
Why?
Because you just eliminated
the who's, the where's, the what's, and the when's
that were keeping you from your identity.
99% of people
are not willing to do what it takes to make their dreams come true.
The center of bringing any dream into fruition
is self-discipline.
You know, something as simple as food and eating
it's not about your body
as much as it is about your mind.
It's getting command of your mind
to be able to choose actions
that are in your own best interest.
And I think the word discipline
has kind of gotten a bad name
We think about it in terms of punishment.
I'm not talking about discipline in that way, I'm talking about discipline
in the sense that you, you forego immediate pleasure
for the exchange of long term self-respect.
You cannot win the war against the world
if you can't win the war against your own mind.
Because motive matters, right?
And what drives us, I always tell people
that there's a success formula I subscribe to and I call it h-cube
that, it goes from your head to your heart to your hands.
Affirm things in your head,
but if you're not acting with your hands, there's there something that's missing,
there's an incongruence there
and I, what I tell people is like,
you know check in with the second which is your heart
which is the symbol of like emotion,
the energy of motion.
And so I feel like that's the fuel that fuels the car
that gets you to take action for something
and I do believe what got me through it is
figuring out what my Why was.
And I say if happiness is what you're after then
you're going to be let down frequently
and you're going to be unhappy much of your time.
Joy though
Joy is a different thing, it's something else,
Joy is not a choice
it's not a response to some result.
Joy is the feeling that we have from doing what we are fashioned to do
no matter the outcome.
I started enjoying my work and literally being more happy
when I stopped trying to make the daily labor
a means to a certain end.
I need this film to be a box-office success.
I need my performance to be acknowledged.
I need the respect of my peers.
And all those are reasonable aspirations,
but the truth is as soon as the work became the reward in itself for me
I got more box office, more accolades and respect than I ever had before.
Self-love is a look.
I know you got a- a test on Monday, you know.
And I know you really want to go out with your friends
it's Saturday night, you want to go out but..
if you fail that test, you're not going to feel good about yourself.
You know, I just- I love you too much to let you go out tonight.
Self-discipline is Self-love
if you want to be happy you have to love yourself.
Which means you have to discipline your behavior.
It don't matter whose fault it is that something is broken
if it's your responsibility to fix it.
For example it's- it's not somebody's fault
if their father was an abusive alcoholic
but it's for damn sure their responsibility
to figure out how they're going to deal with those traumas
and try to make a life out of it.
It's not your fault
if your partner cheated and ruined your marriage
but it is for damn sure your responsibility
to figure out how to take that pain
and how to overcome that and build a happy life for yourself.
Fault and responsibility do not go together, it sucks
but they don't, when something is somebody's fault
we want them to suffer, we want them punished
we want them to pay
we want it to be their responsibility to fix it but
that's, that's not how it works especially when it's your heart.
Your heart,
your life,
your happiness
is your responsibility and your responsibility alone.
the sooner that we become less impressed
with our lives, with our accomplishments, with our career,
with whatever that prospect is in front of us.
The sooner we become less impressed and more involved
with that and these things.
The sooner we get a whole lot better at doing it.
Life is not easy,
don't try to make it that way.
life's not fair, never was, it isn't now and it won't ever be
Do not fall into the trap,
the entitlement trap, of feeling like you're a victim
You are not.
get over it and get on with it.
And yes, most things are more rewarding when you break a sweat to get them.
For me it's like no brain left behind.
Right because I- I lived with that identity for so long
and I, my message to people
Whether it's on stage or in the podcast or anything,
is that you know, we are more than what we're demonstrating
that we've been sold this lie
that people are taught through school.
Like when I do these demos
and I, I on stage memorize a hundred names and words and numbers
forwards and backwards
and I make- it appears effortlessly
I always tell people I don't do this to impress you,
I do this to express to you what's really possible
because the truth is
everyone can do this too and so much more.
We were taught a lie
that somehow our intelligence, our potential, our learning, our memory
somehow is fixed. Our creativity is fixed, our thinking is fixed like our shoe size
and what we've discovered
as we know more about brain science
in the past two decades, we've discovered more than the previous two thousand years
and what we know is that we're grossly underestimating our own capacity
To be able to grow, to be able to contribute, to improve our intelligence
and our influence and our impact.
And I'm really, I want to kind of pull the veil behind
and just say hey, "This is about transcending
you know, this is about ending the trance.
Ending the trance that you're- we're not good enough.
You know, that we're not smart enough, that we- we're not this genius
and I'm telling the truth
and the truth is
we're faster and we're smarter than we think
and not just to be able to memorize things
but be able to really solve significant challenges
and maybe that these challenges that we're going through
are the lessons that we need to, to learn the most.
Now all of us go through struggles, right
in our health, our relationship, whatever it is
but through struggles come, come strengths
and people don't talk about this as much
and you know, I probably have a post-traumatic
you know, stress from it,
going through brain injury after brain injury
there's also post-traumatic growth
which, which you know, like is widely talked about
but there're some people that go through immense amount of trauma
and difficulty and challenge
but they come out of it actually more empowered.
they say to themselves that because of going through this
I found a new strength, I found my superpowers,
I found a new meaning in my life, I found a new level of commitment,
I found a strength, a mission if you will
and a lot of them attest that they wouldn't trade that experience
no matter how painful it was at the time
for, for anything.
I realized what was stopping me, was my own fear.
It wasn't..
it wasn't anything with my educational aspect,
it was me thinking I couldn't do well in mathematics.
and when I learned to remove that fear
and think "I'm gonna do this no matter what's going to happen."
I may fail it.
I may not fail it.
I'm going to do well at this
and I'm going to just, just see where it goes.
I'm going to put my all into it
and find out.
I'm motivated by fear.
I hate being scared to do something
and I think what developed in my, in my early days
was the the attitude that
I started attacking things that I was scared of.