- In this video,
I'm gonna show you the ingredients
that go into the making of a narcissist,
plus I'm gonna be sharing with you the antidote
to help you not attract narcissists into your life.
And also to help you understand a narcissist
so that honestly, you can have a little bit more compassion
for why they are the way they are.
And then also how to give a narcissist what they need
which is something that's probably not what you think.
So, in this episode of the Vortex kitchen.
I don't know what we're going to call it.
Call it Aaron's kitchen for now, okay.
That sounds narcissistic
to be using my own name but here we go.
So this series
is all about understanding the vibrational makeup
that goes into the energy of different facets
of our reality.
And one of the facets are narcissists.
Now, my guess is that if you're watching this video
you've probably found yourself attracting narcissists
into your life.
And many of you may know my story
but I'm somebody that has attracted narcissists into my life
because between the ages of seven to 15 years old,
my dad was married to my step-mom
which is a total narcissist.
And she was controlling, manipulative.
My brother and I had zero freedom.
We used to have to sneak to the other side of the house
to get enough food to eat.
We weren't allowed to go to on going school activities.
We weren't allowed to have friends, watch TV, any of that.
But basically what happened
is from that period of our life
we had to pretty much ping off
of our ex step-mom to understand how she thought
because in order for us to get what we wanted
we had to kind of know how she worked.
For example, if we really wanted to go
to that of a school activity
we would have to pretend that we didn't want to go to it.
And if we pretended like we didn't want to go to it
what she would then do is she'd say,
"Oh you think you're getting out of that band."
I'd be like, you know, "I didn't really practice for band.
I don't really wanna go to that band tournament."
Even though I really did.
And she'd go, "You know what,
you didn't practice that's your fault, you're going."
But if she knew I wanted to go and I was like,
"Oh I wanna go to this band camp."
She said, "You think you're going?
You didn't do XYZ."
Some chore or something like that.
Even though, we didn't really have any privileges.
But the interesting thing was from that
I got to learn how she worked and how she thought.
And even though my dad divorced her
when I was 15 years old
I then attracted other narcissists into my life.
One was a manager at Nordstrom's.
One was an ex-girlfriend or two were an ex-girlfriends.
And I found like why I attract this into my life?
And until I share,
until I realized what I share with you in this episode,
it didn't change.
So I'm gonna share with you the antidote.
What you can literally take
that will change everything for you in this process.
Now, one of the first things to understand
about narcissists is one of the first things they need
is they need a childhood experience
where they wire in a belief that says I'm not worthy.
So this is what a narcissist needs now.
And, ironically enough,
what this also means is that the empath
or somebody that's a victim of narcissism
also has the belief that says I'm not worthy.
So already we have a little bit more in common
than we priorly thought.
So the belief says I'm not worthy.
I'm not enough.
And then what happens
is in order to get the needs met,
the narcissist what they do is what they want
is in order for them to be worthy
what they want is they want attention.
And that attention to them is feeding their own frame.
Now, the empath on the other hand
what they want is they want validation and approval.
Now here's the difference in the equation
of the narcissist to that of the empath.
So the narcissist to get their needs met.
What they say is they say,
In order for me to feel worthy,
in order for me to feel worthy
and to be like,
what would that be like a healthier banana,
in order for me to feel worthy, what I need.
The equation that I need is I need
to take attention and to set the frame
to have a very dominant frame and control things around me.
Now, in order for the needs of the impact to be met
what goes into that is it says,
Okay I'm not worthy in order for me to feel worthy
I need to give you validation and approval.
I need to give you and affirm your frame
and be a very yes-man and a people pleaser, a nice guy.
And in exchange
you are gonna give me validation and approval.
So the empire wants validation and approval.
And they're gonna give something to get that back.
The narcissist is going to take and demand
that you give them attention.
So you see, this is the difference
between the narcissist and that of the empath.
Now here's the biggest mind blow
that I recently learned about narcissists.
All right. When we talk about the vibration of narcissist.
So first off the narcissist, the empath
both have a belief that says I'm not worthy.
I'm not enough.
The way their needs are met
is the narcissist will take attention,
will take what it wants to feed its frame.
The empath will give it themselves up.
They literally won't know who they are.
They'll like somebody else feels a little bit of tension.
They say, "Oh, I'm gonna give that up.
That's my tension too."
I need to please you
because if I please you, then I please me.
I need to give in order to do get.
So the narcissist has a strong frame.
That empathy has a lack of frame
and that's why they tend to attract each other together.
So the power of what I'm sharing here also
we can have a little bit more compassion.
And in a minute,
I'm gonna share with you the antidote to this whole process
but here is the interesting thing about narcissists.
Every one of us
goes through a stage of our life where we are toddlers.
We are two years old.
They call this the terrible twos.
Terrible twos is where you might have a temper tantrum
when you're a kid, you might get very angry.
You think the world revolves around you.
That's what happens when you're two literally
every thing my parents are here to serve me.
No.
See, no, they it's like their favorite word.
Yeah, think about it.
Narcissists have no problems setting boundaries.
No, don't do that.
No, you can't do that.
My next stepmom, no, you can't go to that school activity.
No, tell you what to fucking do.
Now here's the difference.
The narcissist many times has trauma
that has stemmed from a childhood experience
at that age of a toddler.
So the narcissist hasn't grown out of the energy dynamics
of being a toddler.
They still think the world revolves around them.
They probably had some type of trauma then.
Now most people go through a natural phase
where they go through the terrible twos.
And then what happens is their parents give them boundaries.
What the narcissist is actually craving is boundaries.
Isn't that crazy?
The narcissist will do anything they can
to establish their frame
will literally want the attention always
to be feeding their frame.
But at the same time, they will then test their frame
with everyone they are around.
But with their really deep down cravings,
they're craving boundaries.
The boundaries is what they're craving.
With boundaries is where they're gonna learn their lesson.
Because think about it, the parents, the kids,
like no, no.
They really want, they're fricking Popsicle or whatever,
but the parents are like, "No."
Listen you're not getting your fricking Popsicle.
You're acting like this.
You're not gonna get that.
Boundaries, right.
Then the child actually feels safe.
They craves about it but doesn't know it.
In the same way,
the narcissist is and was a two-year-old
that hasn't grown out of the stage of development,
where they haven't realized
that the world does not revolve around them.
So what they're doing is they're seeking validation
and they're seeking the healing
and they want everyone to pay attention to them
so that they can feel significant.
But what they really want is they really want boundaries
but it's uncomfortable for them.
And that's why they don't like to be told what to do.
So this is about understanding also
that narcissists they're doing the best they can
with where they are.
This doesn't mean when you look down at them
and see them as little toddlers running around.
Although it does kind of help
to like loosen up the energy a little bit,
to be honest with you.
Help to kind of loosen up the heaviness.
'Cause many of you have been the victims of narcissists.
So therefore there's this big heaviness there.
But instead, what you could do is begin to let it go.
And then to realize that it kind of is
like a two year old that went through trauma
that hasn't grown out of the terrible twos.
So what you can begin to do is understand this dynamic.
And as you understand this dynamic,
it helps it so that you can forgive them a little bit more.
So I know we use this as an analogy
for the limiting belief that says I'm not worthy.
And then what they want
is they want all the attention on them,
all the attention on them to feed their frame,
feed their frame so that they feel worthy.
And really what that is
when they continue to attract people into their life
that are the more people pleasuries or more nice
is people that are feeding their frame
that are kind of activating that childhood wound
and keeping it going
so they can keep filling up their own cup.
There's a lot of successful people in the world
that are narcissists
because it becomes,
it's not a desire that they want attention.
They need it.
They want to,
it's not they want to establish their own frame,
they need to.
In order for them to have their needs met.
So the key to this is having compassion
and having an understanding.
Understand that that narcissist below that
is actually a very beautiful innocent child there
that just hasn't grown out of the terrible twos.
When I look at my ex step-mom,
my ex step-mom,
she went through a lot of abuse from her dad growing up.
That's why she is the way she is.
When I understood that it made it so much easier
for me to forgive my ex step-mom.
Did it make it right that my brother
and I went through all those things.
But what I had to do was I had to forgive her.
So one of the antidotes,
this is the antidote to understanding
how to heal the vibrational making of a narcissist
as somebody that wants attention,
that wants frame.
The thing on your end is for you to realize
that your antidote is you having boundaries
with the narcissist,
having boundaries and then also forgiving them,
forgiving them for what they've done,
because they don't know,
they're at the level of conscious throughout.
They don't know what they're doing.
But not enabling them.
You don't have to keep feeding their friend.
They say one of the best things
to do could be to go no contact
to be completely separate yourself from them.
But the side effect of this
is that unless you deal with their own inner boundaries
and your own inner sense of self,
you will attract the next person
to your life to be a narcissist.
Until I really did this work
I kept attracting narcissists into my life.
And really what it was desperately trying to show me
is be within your own frame,
know your own sense of self,
draw your own boundaries
of what is okay and what is not okay.
And don't feed the attention of a narcissist
when you're arguing with them
because they're looking for hooks.
They're looking for hooks to get in.
I remember one time, this is kind of a little funny story.
My dad was going to something with my ex step-mom
after they divorced.
I have two half sisters, that's their real mom.
So what happens is my dad had to go to counseling
or something for court when the divorce was happening.
And what she would do is she would yell at my dad
at these like embarrassing, in public.
Yell at him, blah, blah, blah.
Like accuse him of stuff that didn't happen.
And my dad's like, "What do I do in this situation?"
This is what I told them. I said, "Dad, this is what you do.
What you do is this.
What you do is the next time she comes to you in public.
And she starts yelling at you.
She starts, you know like trying to trigger you,
just pretend like she aint even there.
Just smile and sit there like this."
That's exactly what he did.
You know what she did?
She didn't know what to do.
She freaked out.
She came, she's like, blah, blah, blah.
Like yelling at him.
She then saw that he wasn't reacting.
Wasn't feeding her frame or giving her any attention.
And she freaked out and said, "Yeah, whatever."
And then she just walked out.
She couldn't even handle it because we're not feeding it.
It's a need.
It's not a want. They need you to feed their frame.
So if you go cold contact
or you'd establish your boundaries
then you start to learn the lessons
so that you don't keep attracting
that into your life over and over again.
But realize one of the keys
to this whole thing is forgiveness.
Forgiving people in your life that have been narcissists.
They were there to teach you a lesson.
What is that lesson they were there to teach you?
They were there to teach you the lesson
of growing your own balls or whatever, to have boundaries.
To set boundaries with them.
They desperately need it and want it.
They don't know it
but they do need it because they're terrible twos.
They need to be told, "No."
But a lot of times people aren't willing to do that
because they don't want to deal with them.
So the key is forgiveness.
They're doing the best they can
with their own level of consciousness they're at.
They went through pain growing up.
There's a reason they have become a narcissist.
It wasn't something they necessarily consciously decided
as something that they did out of them being a victim
of maybe childhood trauma, childhood abuse,
different psychological trauma in a way.
So the key is to feel and to forgive them
for they know not what they do.
They're at their level of consciousness.
But the key is for you to have compassion
and understanding and to heal within yourself
and to set your own boundaries and to be in your own frame.
As you do that, then you are gonna be loving yourself,
filling up your own cup.
And it's going to be easier for you to then heal.
Let's imagine this apple cider vinegar right here.
Let's imagine that this is forgiveness.
It's a little bitter.
It kind of sucks to forgive
because it invalidates everything you went through.
But at the same time, this is the key to you,
stopping attracting narcissists in your life.
It's also growing a little bit of balls.
This is bitter, kind of sucks to take
but it's so good for you.
So the reason that I'm doing this right now
is to show you this is a metaphor for forgiveness,
setting your own boundaries.
You need boundaries.
This cup.
If there was no route,
if there's no structure to this cup,
the water wouldn't be able to stay in this form.
You need to develop a boundary within yourself.
And as you have boundaries within yourself
for what's okay, what's not okay.
You then know that you are a sense of self.
You are a cup.
You're not everyone else's cup.
You don't have to fill up their cup.
You could fill up your own cup.
And as you have that, people will respect you more.
You will have our magnetic energy,
narcissist won't mess with you.
This is the key.
And this is the part that is important for us to understand.
So cheers to everybody out there.
I encourage you to forgive a narcissist in your life.
To understand them a little bit more.
They went through childhood trauma.
They're trying to suck in the attention
because they feel like they need it.
You can choose not to give it to them.
You can choose to forgive them,
have compassion for them and understand
that they just haven't grown out of the terrible twos yet.
And then what you can do is you can set boundaries for them
and for you.
And when you set boundaries for them and for you
you'll begin to forgive yourself
and you'll find that, then you really begin to heal.
So cheers.
Let's do this.
Oh, so delicious.
That's the most delicious thing, but guess what?
That's self love.
Loving my body, okay.
Let me know if you guys liked this style of videos.
I know it's a little bit cheesy
but it kind of gets the idea across
of different energy dynamics that we're learning.
Like this video.
If you liked it,
there's was one of the video I've already done on this
that I'll leave the link below as well
so that you can check out.
I forget what was on, but it was the making of something.
Anyways, I'll talk to you guys on the next video
and I hope you guys enjoyed it.
As always peace. much love, and namaste.