Charisma On Command's Charlie Houpert was recently interviewed on Graham Stephan's Iced
Coffee Hour and while seeing two of my favourite YouTube creators in a discussion was an instant
click for me, I found myself engrossed in their conversation and in particular Charlie's
charm and confidence during the interview.
So this got me thinking, why is this so engrossing?
In this video I want to share a breakdown of 5 key lessons I took away from Charlie
during the interview and how applying this in my job lead to some rather interesting
results, with some points being more effective than others and some I would reconsider through
experience.
So, let's take a look at the key lessons, starting with...
Compliment Others The immediate thing that struck me about Charlie's
interview with Graham and Jack was how complimentary he was of the both of them and their particular
individual strengths.
While there was clearly a genuine respect for Graham on the real estate market and his
financial knowledge, Charlie was very complimentary to Jack for his natural extroversian and ability
to build relationships, something that becomes clear to see in the interview itself.
The thing is, giving compliments, and importantly genuine compliments, is an excellent way to
build rapport with people and is something clearly evident in the relationship Charlie
had with Jack and Graham.
It made for a more easy going conversation, one which felt more relaxed and real than
many interviews that others give.
What particularly struck me was how casual the conversation was and I immediately understood
that the reason for this was actually because of something Charlie identified as a useful
skill, which is he spoke to Graham and Jack as though they were friends.
Treating people as friends is an excellent way to build a relationship and quickly build
trust, as through this process you are equally more likely to give off positive signals,
for example through your body language, than you would if you were focused on formality.
This leads us nicely to the next point, where Charlie had really positive...
Body Language What really impressed me during the interview
was how natural Charlie's body language was as he showed confidence, interest and enthusiasm
throughout the hour and a half when talking.
This stems from the previous point, that he was treating Graham and Jack as friends, as
opposed to business associates or acquaintances, meaning he'd naturally take up a more natural
and relaxed posture while talking, making the whole situation seem easier to deal with
and make for a more casual and earnest discusssion.
However, whilst the conversation was relaxed, Charlie equally showed an avid interest throughout
through his position whilst seated, often leaning forward closer to the others when
talking or listening, giving clear signals that not only was he engaged in the conversation,
but he was genuinely interested in the subjects discussed or what others had to say.
With this his eye contact and facial expressions were spot on, keeping regular eye contact
with the others showing a keen interest and when speaking he would frequently gesture
with his hands and expressions on his face.
These skills are fundamental in making for more interesting conversations, and as a viewer
I not only felt more interested in what was being said, but equally felt it to be a more
entertaining and engaging conversation as a whole.
However, it would be wrong to say it was just Charlie's body language that did this, as
we see in the next point, which is he had a variety in his...
Tone I cannot state the importance of using your
voice to make for interesting conversation, it's a fundamental communication skill that
can be the difference in a listener maintaining focus or losing interest.
Charlie constantly shifted between tone and energy when speaking, naturally speaking louder
and faster when he was enjoying the topic, whilst being a little quieter and more reflective
when digesting information from Jack and Graham, especially when he was learning about how
to manage his finances and make best use of his income.
The tone we use when speaking is a way of communicating in itself, as your tone will
generally be perceived by others to have some meaning in itself.
For example, when conveying an important message people generally understand your tone will
be a little quieter, whereas when you enjoy yourself you will naturally speak louder and
with more enthusiasm, as often evidenced by Charlie throughout the interview.
This was somewhat in contrast to Graham, who was often a little quieter and with less variation,
usually as he was focused on asking or answering direct questions.
Jack on the other hand would often naturally switch up his tone through the conversation
based on what was discussed.
Now it's important to note that there is no right or wrong here in terms of the different
tones of voice each individual had throughout the discussion, as it naturally showcased
elements of their personality and motivation, rather than tonal shifts should be dependent
on the circumstance and context of the discussion.
That said, Charlie's naturally enthusiastic tone fit the interview perfectly, making it
both entertaining yet insightful, often with a lot to learn.
However, as mentioned, his tone naturally shifted down when he wanted to listen to what
the others had to say, and this was evidently showing his desire to...
Learn Quite possibly the biggest surprise in the
interview was seeing how many questions Charlie asked throughout the discussion, leading to
a natural back and forth and great insight to all of the personalities involved.
For example, during one point of the interview it wouldn't have been shocking if people assumed
Charlie was the interviewer, as he posed numerous questions to Graham both about his living
situation and the retail market, as well as how to manage his personal finances and investments,
giving Graham an excellent opportunity to show his knowledge and expertise in these
areas.
It was equally clear that during this time, Charlie was effectively like a sponge soaking
up all of the information being given to him, almost as if he were a client in a consultancy
session.
Beyond this making for a more dynamic discussion, it demonstrated a skill that's invaluable
in the world today, both in a professional and personal environment.
People who are willing to learn are in constant demand, but equally their willingness to learn
helps them progress and be more fully rounded individuals.
Through Charlie's own admission, it was his structured approach to learning that helped
him build, grow and improve his relationship consulting business early on in his career,
where he would regularly put ideas to the test to see what worked and then look to teach
his clients how to utilise this information in their own lives.
And this directly points to the last point, which is Charlie showed a lot of...
Honesty/Integrity The fact is no matter who you are and no matter
how skilled you might be in any particular area, you're not perfect and you will have
had to develop your expertise in your skills.
Charlie was honest and made very clear that he had to grow to develop the skills he has
today, both in his interpersonal relationships and in his confidence.
He identified that these seemed to come to Jack more naturally, most likely with Jack
appearing quite extroverted in nature, whereas for him it was an education process to develop
the skills himself, often with some hilarious results,such as with over exaggerated eye
contact.
This honesty is an excellent way to build rapport with others, as you are willing to
show greater vulnerability that helps to build more trust with others.
Other examples of this was Charlie's openness to discussing his general finances, living
situation and experiences in both his consulting business and as a content creator.
Unlike many interviews I watch where I admire and respect the intellectual capacity of those
speaking, in this interview Charlie caught my interest as I felt it was a more personal
discussion as you might have with your friends.
So now that we better understand how Charlie made for such an engaging interview, I thought
to apply this myself and I feel it's important to share...
My Experience I was curious to test out some of what I picked
up from Charlie in my professional life and decided to try and see if it would help build
greater rapport with my customers, something I'm generally pretty strong at doing, but
something I equally feel can always improve.
Now one factor to note here is that the majority of my client calls take place online today,
as opposed to the traditional face to face approach that we had in the past.
I wasn't sure how much of a factor this would be in my approach, but I was curious to see
if I could get the same benefits.
The first thing I noticed was that having positive and engaged body language was universally
beneficial, with me finding my clients almost always responding in kind making it in a sense
actually possible to better control the flow of conversation.
Maintaining eye contact and using gestures is something that has generally always been
something I have actively done, but what was interesting was when I intentionally leaned
in towards the camera, my clients often did the same.
This was rather beneficial in ensuring we maintained focus throughout the conversation
and to ensure people for the most part maintained concentration, leading to more productive
discussions.
I was also rather frank and direct in discussions, being honest in what could or could not be
achieved and this helped in building mutual trust that we were working towards a common
goal.
The biggest benefit of this approach was actually how it benefitted me personally, giving me
an almost refreshing sensation and not feeling alone with the weight of responsibility of
what I was working on.
This liberating feeling actually made it easier to stay focused and have more constructive
conversations on proposing solutions...A big win in my book!
Maintaining this humble outlook actually helped me naturally seek to better understand my
clients requirements as I was more open to what they were working to achieve, but equally
help set the tone of meetings and how I spoke to be more empathetic in many cases, albeit
I had to be clear and direct at other times to ensure we didn't lose sight of what we
were working towards.
These are skills I generally apply myself, but here being more deliberate in my approach
was beneficial in getting the outcome I wanted.
Where things were a little more unpredictable was actually talking to clients as friends.
I often seek to make for less formal meetings when talking to clients as historically it
has helped me build a better relationship where they are more open to sharing views
and opinions.
However, I find in some circumstances formality is necessary with certain individuals, often
those from a more traditional professional background.
I believe they feel more comfortable with this approach as it helps them tackle problems
with a more structured or organised approach, but equally because it is something they feel
is familiar given years of experience.
Therefore, on the whole while it worked well to build rapport, I very much feel it's important
to factor in the individuals you speaking to and the context of the meeting.
Conclusion To be frank, I was very impressed with Charlie
during the interview with Graham and Jack, with the others equally contributing to the
discussion with their personality and knowledge.
Many of these skills are valuable in developing strong relationships both in your personal
and professional life, leading towards more productive and honestly enjoyable relationships
over time.
The one caveat to add to this is circumstance plays a significant role, and understanding
the appropriate approach to take and being adaptable to the differing situations is a
highly beneficial quality to grow.
As a consultant, this adaptability is something I've focused heavily on to get the most out
of the projects I work on, and this is often reflected in the feedback I get.
However, it's worth learning and developing the skills mentioned in this video and demonstrated
by Charlie on the Iced Coffee Hour, because in doing so you will grow as an individual
and your presence around others will influence their response to be more positive and engaging.
If you enjoyed this video and made it this far I appreciate you watching, and please
consider checking out the video on screen now for more.