Hey there, this is Clay with relationshipinnergame.com and today I got a message, that was basically,
it was like, you know, dude, I didn't know contact and like I got together with my ex
and we hung out and it was a lot of fun, but she said that she just want to take things
slow man, what in this work?
Okay, well here's the deal.
It's not the didn't work.
It's just that you're being impatient basically.
A lot of people have this notion that, you know, they break up then they just do a no
contact or active, no contact, preferably if you actually want to save your relationship.
And then after that, you know, you meet up for coffee or something and then you know,
you're married the next day.
But it doesn't happen that way.
That's not how it works because you see you're not really just resuscitating are reviving
the old relationship.
When You two broke up, that relationship ended and yes, you can still get back together with
that person.
You can still have a relationship with that person, but it has to be a new relationship.
That means that when you get back together after no contact, you have to look at that
like a first date.
And, you know, I don't know what your relationship history is, but, I know from personal experience
and from working with thousands of people that, that relationships that go from like
zero to 60, like overnight do extremely terribly.
You know, we're where people meet and then like a month later they're married.
Those tend to do extremely terribly.
Now a lot of people don't know this, but, with my ex, the last time that we broke up,
she actually got engaged to a guy two weeks after our breakup and they went onto, get
married and they proceeded to have a very terrible marriage.
They both got extremely depressed.
The guy was, was unemployed for a very long period of time and basically refused to do
anything to earn money.
And they had to go see a marriage counselor, you know, less than a year into their marriage.
And I don't really know where they're at now.
I don't know if if, you know, their relationship blew up and fell apart or what happens.
But, but typically when you go too fast, you're in trouble and what you actually want to do
is you want to move as slow as possible to find out as fast as possible whether or not
the two of you can work things out.
And what this means is you don't want to rush back into the relationship.
Okay.
You want to take things slow, you want to build up new memories like you would when
you were first dating someone new, you know, you go on a couple dates and you see if you
two can like get along together and then, you know, he might make things a little bit
more serious and then you do that for a couple months or something.
And then if things still go well, you know, maybe you become more serious and get engaged
and then you can get married.
Okay.
That's typically how most successful relationships work.
They don't just go from like getting coffee one day to being married like next week.
So what do you need to do?
Is you need to be okay with the fact that you're dating again, but that you're not in
some sort of stable, committed relationship.
You have to build a new foundation of positive experiences before that new relationship can
take hold.
You can't just sort of resuscitate the old relationship and live off the fumes of positive
memories you had before.
Because like I said before, that relationship ended, that relationship is over and you have
to create a new relationship with this person.
And that involves making new memories together.
So you want to move slow to do this and through moving slow, you'll find out quickly if the
two of you are going to work out in the long run.
You know, it's a lot more quick to find out.
If you two will workout through, you know, dating each other and slowly getting to know
each other again and building up new memories than it is to just boom, get married and then
find out that, you know, you two still can't work things out and go through some sort of
costly we expensive divorce or something like that.
So what I'd really recommend is that you just, you just let it be.
Okay.
Did the two of you are rediscovering each other?
Would it be okay that the two of you are taking things slowly and let this be another chapter
in your love story?
As you write this together, you know, you don't have to be so focused on the end goal
that you lose track of the journey.
And that's really what I would encourage you to do.
So if you'd like to learn more about how to save your relationship after a breakup, please
go to your relationshipinnergame.com.
Sign up there and we'll tell you about the seven most common, why's that a lot of ex
gurus are telling you.
And we'll also give you a proven plan to help you save your relationship with the person
you love.