Hey there.
If you're wondering why your ex isn't reaching out and what you can do about it, that is
what we're going to be talking about today.
The first, my name is Clay with ModernLove.Life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games or hard to get or pretend
to be anyone other than who you are, because I believe that you deserve to be loved for
the unique, amazing and wonderful person that you are.
And if you agree with me, give this video a thumbs up and be sure to subscribe the channel
down below if you're not already subscribed.
So let's go ahead and get into this.
So if your ex isn't reaching out to you, there's two potential scenarios here.
Number one is that the two of you are just not in contact for some reason, either because
the two of you are just not on good terms or because you're doing no contact and maybe
you've watched some other videos or something that make you think that no contact is some
kind of big mind game.
And that if you just don't contact your ex, they're going to finally crack under the pressure
and contact you.
Don't do that.
That's not a good way to do no contact, which you can probably put together by watching
some of my other videos.
But that could be going on.
Or you could be trying to communicate with your ex and you're contacting them and they
are responding to you but they're not initiating contact themselves.
Those are two separate things.
Let's go ahead and talk about these first.
First of all, if your ex and you are just not in contact right now and you want to be
in contact, what you want to do is number one, you want to be okay with the idea of
you initiating contact.
This can be difficult for some people, especially women, but if you want to have an emotional
connection with them and see what's possible between the two of you and they aren't necessarily
on that page, then you have to understand you're the one that wants the contact and
the communication.
They may not want that.
So if you want to connect with them, you have to be the one that's going to take the first
step and to start the conversation.
So be okay with the idea of getting into contact with them.
If the two of you are not in contact, you've been trying to get in contact with them, but
they are kind of still shut off for any number of reasons, then you have to actually look
at how you are contacting them.
What is the emotional state that they're in?
Are there still emotional blockages between the two of you?
Are they still hurt or upset or feeling misunderstood or something like that that could be keeping
them from actually opening up to you?
If so, then you might need to start to empathize with them emotionally so that they can start
to feel seen and understood and get to the point where they can start to open up emotionally
towards you.
That's what you want to do if you and your ex just are not in contact right now and you
want to be in contact.
So that's the most straightforward.
The second one that tends to get a lot of people is if your ex isn't contacting you,
if your ex isn't reaching out to you but they are actually responding to you now, what could
be going on here?
A lot of times people jump to the conclusion that their ex is not interested in them.
And that's not to say that that's completely off the table, but what I've noticed is that
there is often a lot more happening beneath the surface emotionally that could be keeping
your ex from actually taking the initiative, despite potentially being quite interested
in contacting you or being in contact with you.
Number one, they might feel kind of guilty, believe it or not.
Your ex might feel guilty for breaking up with you, for hurting you, for all of the
emotional distress that you and them may have gone through as the result of your relationship
or your breakup with one another.
They might feel guilty.
They might be thinking, hey, I hurt you.
Hey, I remember all the tears that were there when we broke up.
I remember how painful this was.
Who am I to contact you?
I might want to contact you, I might miss you.
I might want to know how you're doing, but who am I to come back into your life and risk
possibly hurting you again?
And so they might just kind of keep their distance.
But when you contact them, they might say themselves, this feels actually pretty good.
I actually want to know how you're doing.
I actually want to know what's going on with you and here you are contacting me.
So okay, let's talk.
And so that could happen.
So if you can really start to demonstrate to your ex that you're okay, your life hasn't
ended or anything like that because of the breakup, and that you are reasonably well,
emotionally speaking, that's going to help to start soothing and alleviating any sort
of guilt they might have so that they start to actually feel more comfortable, more confident
in interacting with you, knowing that they haven't sort of left you with this massive
emotional scar.
So that's a pretty good reason to kind of start working through any emotional issues
that you might be feeling as a result of the breakup if you have some emotional issues
as the result of the breakup.
Another thing that could be going on is that your ex just doesn't know how the two of you
fit together.
Now obviously after a breakup, two people, it's pretty common to agree to stay in each
other's lives in some way, whether that's being friends, whether that's checking in
on one another or all sorts of things like that.
So when they hear from you or when they think about you, they might be curious.
They might want to know what's going on with you, but they're not really sure what the
two of you are.
They're not sure how the two of you fit together.
They're not sure how close the two of you should be to one another, how far the two
of you should be from one another.
And so this indecision, this hesitation on their part could cause them to keep a bit
of distance from you and to not reach out to you or contact you, but still potentially
be receptive to being in communication with you if you were to take the initiative.
And if this is the case, then you have to understand that from their point of view,
they don't want to make the wrong move.
They don't want to risk sending you the wrong message.
They don't want to over commit to something that they may not be ready for right now.
And although I'm sure you would love it if they were ready to be in a relationship with
you again, to recommit to you in all of that, if they're not there emotionally, it can cause
them to hesitate.
It can cause them to hold back until they believe that they're ready.
Now, like most people out there, they're probably not going to come to any sort of meaningful
conclusion about how the two of you fit together if you just give them space and let them think
it through.
Most people don't have these important thoughts and conversations with themselves as they
go through their life.
Some people do.
If your ex is one of those people, excellent, great.
But if your ex is not one of those people, just expect them to kind of indefinitely delay
and defer this decision down the road.
And so what can be helpful is if you actually help your ex to give what the two of you are
a label.
That way if your ex is thinking about you or if you send them a message or something
like that and they start to ask themselves, what does this mean?
Why are you sending me this message?
What does this mean?
Are we dating or back together?
Do you think we're going to be getting back together?
Are you still in love with me?
All things, they won't have to panic by asking themselves all of these questions that they
don't know the answer to themselves and they can just have an answer already at hand.
Like oh, well, we're just friends so it makes sense that we would be talking.
It makes sense that we'd be spending time with one another.
It makes sense that we'd be checking in on one another.
Now I know that a lot of people are probably like, Oh no, the friend zone.
That means that there's no chance.
That means that I'm just going to have to sit around and sipping lattes with them as
they gush about how amazing their new romantic person that they're dating is and I'm just
going to have to sit there and suck it up and take it.
Not true whatsoever.
We've talked about this in other videos.
I'll put a link to something up there.
I'm not sure what, but I'll put a link to something up there that'll give you some insight
about this whole friend zone thing.
But you don't have to worry about that.
We just want to give our ex something that they can put a label on in terms of what we
are, how we're going to relate to one another, just so they can tell themselves something
that's going to give them permission to interact with us.
It's through interacting with us that they're going to start to have a stronger emotional
connection.
And it's through that stronger emotional connection that they'll feel a whole lot more comfortable
initiating contact with us, communicating with us in general, or potentially even opening
up to the idea of being in a relationship again.
And when you get back together, you can look back at this whole period and say yeah, we
were like dating in our own way all along, but we didn't actually get back together until
this particular date when we sat down and we had this conversation and it was like,
yeah let's give it another shot.
Let's try this again.
And so those are really, I think, the main reasons why somebody might be experiencing
their ex not contacting them or their ex not reaching out to them.
What have been the reasons that you've experienced when it comes to all of that?
Leave a comment down below, of course, like this video, subscribe the channel, all that
good stuff.
If you'd like to, feel free to check out this video list over here.
It's about texting your ex and things to keep in mind when it comes to all of that.
Or feel free to check out this video over here, but once again, this has been Clay with
ModernLove.Life.
Thank you so much for watching this video and I'll talk to you next time.
Please take care.