It's that time of the year!
When LA's pretty narcissists use their awards to take shots at D.C's ugly narcissists.
As these nine films compete for Hollywood's highest honor.
Because back when it was just five the academy couldn't trick you into rooting for something you actually saw.
This year's Honest nominees for Best Picture are:
From Denice Ville-new-ve (intentional mispronunciation)
Comes Amy Adams' second movie this year about trying to relate to an alien no one gets along with
that will have audiences trying to wrap their mind around what they just saw.
Because they're pretty sure the part about the Chinese guy makes absolutely no sense.
"Squid Words."
From first time director Garth Davis
Comes the film about the kid who goes to India with Nicole Kidman, I think
and finds a lion or something?
Oh, right, it's the one with Dev Patel
I hear it's really good, but honestly I've only seen the trailer.
They've got to stop releasing all the Oscar movies at the same time!
"If You Say You've Seen this, You're Probably Lyin'"
Return to West Texas for that one grizzled cowboy voice Jeff Bridges does.
(You'll get the hang of this yet.)
(We suspect that you might be dead.)
For a film that's so entertaining, straight forward, and unpretentious it has no chance of actually winning Best Picture.
"Hell it's a High Honor Just to be Nominated"
Witness the incredible untold story of the hidden contributions Black women made to the space program.
Whose brilliance was no match for the stubborn prejudice of the times,
but don't worry, it won't make white people feel too bad about themselves.
See? Kevin Costner is one of the good ones!
"Diary of a Math Black Woman."
From the writer of "The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle."
Wait, really?
Comes the exact opposite of that.
(I swear to god, I'm gonna knock your f*cking block off.)
As you take a nonstop grief train to Sadsville.
Led by a hard drinking irritable Boston man living in the shadow of his more successful older brother
Gee, I wonder how Casey Affleck managed to get into character.
"Manchesta by the Feckin' Sea"
Follow along on the poetic unfolding of a life beautifully directed by Berry Jenkins.
As this young (ding), black (ding), gay man (ding) struggles to escape from poverty (ding)
And drug addiction (ding)
Told across three decades (ding)
based on a play (ding)
based on the life story of its author (ding)
So yeah, I'd say it's nominated for an Oscar.
"All of the Oscar Things"
Watch what's clearly a stage play Denzel Washington decided to film
because aside from a garbage truck at the beginning
they're just talking in a house the entire time.
As these actors bravely explore how much acting you can fit into one movie.
Featuring loud acting
(You best be making sure they're doing right by you!)
Nuance acting
(Decided seventeen years ago that boy wasn't gon' get involved in no sports.)
And snot acting
(Don't you think I ever wanted other things? Don't you think I had dreams and hopes? What about my life? What about me?)
"Actors"
Enjoy the brief window of time before Mel Gibson burns his bridge to Hollywood again.
As he follows up the Jesus movie he filled with blood and gore
with another story about a historical pacifist
filled with tons of blood and gore!
Was that necessary? *gags*
I think I'm gonna puke.
"War and Pieces"
Experience a gorgeous ode to the musicals of cinema's past
that earn nominations for best picture, best actor, best actress, best director (nice)
best cinematography (sure)
best screenplay, really?
best song, oh okay, I get that one,
best sound mixing, *scoffs* fine,
best song, again? Come on.
Did nobody watch "Sing Street"?
Best costume design? What the-? they're just wearing clothes!
Man, the Academy just can't resist a movie about how special the movies are, can they?
"Hollywood Hand Job"
Those are your nominees for Best Picture
and since we bet there will be a million speeches about Trump at the Oscars
we thought we'd give him equal time to respond
via... twitter, in our "Starring" section
Starring: The highly overrated Meryl Streep
Mar-A-Lago Ali
Bad Hombres
Potential terrorist
Immigrants
A 6 at best
Eh, 7.
8
Now that's a real American, thank you for your service in the Braveheart War.
That's Spider-Man, I know that one. We're both from Queens. Smart Kid.
OJ Simpson, great guy. Great golfer
Alternative Facts
Sad!
Sad!!
Sad!!!
Sad!!!!
Sad!!!!!
The Oscars, 2017.
Thanks for stopping by Mr. President.
Fake views, you have fake views. More like "Not Honest Trailers."
Low energy.
Wow. Amy Adams got snubbed this year and she's 0 for five when she is nominated.
What's an actor gotta do to finally win an Oscar?
Oh, right, never mind.
Hey Screen Junkies. Want to watch the Oscars with us?
Then tune in this Sunday to our Oscar watch party
live on YouTube on our Screen Junkies news channel!
Watch along with your favorite Screen Junkies personalities
starting at 5 PM Pacific Time this Sunday night
as we give our honest take on this year's ceremony
Hm, I wonder if LaLa Land will win anything?
Hot Diggity Dog.
I was a doulbe burger with cheese, mafaka!
I'm a magical princess from another dimension.
Purple Liam Neeson punches puppies.
I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Well-man!