- I think, when you're in the midst of a panic attack,
the reason you're calling someone is,
one, cause you're scared.
You want some sort of comfort
and you might also want that distraction.
And sometimes you just have to as their support
or sit there and ride the wave with them.
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I was, like I said, really little.
And I was experiencing symptoms of anxiety.
Not even my mom could tell me, oh, that's anxiety.
There's been moments, for sure,
where even it's me who's freaking out.
So I'm like, I can't do this.
I can't get out of bed today.
Like, oh my gosh, I'm having a moment.
I don't want, I can't go to work.
This is impossible.
She will try and support me as a mom.
But then she's also my manager.
So then she's like, well, you have to go to work.
It can be frustrating sometimes where you're like,
but I just wish you could be inside of my body
to know exactly what I'm feeling right now
and why I physically can't get out of bed right now.
I wanted to specifically talk to you today
about how to be a better ally to people
in your inner circle who may suffer from anxiety.
- Absolutely.
Well, I think first of all,
we need to recognize that anxiety is really common.
- Right.
- It's our body's response
to something that makes us afraid.
It's a threat.
But I think the way to help as an ally
is to first recognize when someone's having
what would be considered usual anxiety
and when it moves into where it's problematic
and then interferes with their ability to function.
- Like you just said, recognizing when this might be
something that you guys can just kind of deal with
on your own, or if it's something that might need to be
taken to a more serious level.
- Well, let's take a moment to break down anxiety.
You know, I'm a psychiatrist.
So I think about these things very methodically.
So let's start with the physical.
A person might have an elevated heart rate,
or heart palpitations, shortness of breath.
Just a sense of my body is like supercharged
and just going really rapidly.
You might feel dizzy or lightheaded.
And sometimes people just feel as if they may be
having a heart attack or about to have a seizure.
And then there are the psychological components.
Fear that I'm going crazy.
Fear that something bad is going to happen.
And then there might be these sort of obsessive thoughts
about things that have happened in the past,
overgeneralization, overthinking.
And it just gets into this track where
your brain just can't get off that thinking.
And then that might affect behaviors.
So when anxiety is around for a long time,
we noticed that people start isolating,
they start avoiding things, they may not want to go out.
I know that your experience, in terms of
going out on the catwalk or being on an airplane.
All of those things that normally we just do
without thinking, for the person who's had a panic attack
in that situation, it takes them back there.
- Hearing that those are normal
in the anxiety world to feel those things.
It comforts you a little bit.
- And as more people come out and talk about
their mental health problems or their anxiety,
the more the public is aware that,
hey, this is a real thing.
But especially during the recent pandemic--
- Maybe normal wasn't the right word.
- [laughing] We try to avoid that.
But sometimes, it's just, it normalizes it.
- Exactly.
- And since more people are talking about it,
both on social media and in conversations,
people are open about the fact that they're in treatment.
Again, it's so common and so many people suffer from it
but only about maybe a third of people truly get help.
- You know, for me personally,
I've never gotten into medication.
But I'm sure at a certain level,
it's necessary for some people, no?
- Well, medication is a choice.
And people that have minor anxiety to moderate anxiety,
I certainly recommend that you should try
having some type of routine.
There are things that you can do like meditation,
going for a walk, having a nice hot bath,
or camomile tea, even going for a jog.
Sometimes getting exercise really helps.
But there does get to a certain point,
at least in my department, where we see folks
who their anxiety is so crippling
and they might have a more serious illness
like obsessive compulsive disorder
or generalized anxiety disorder where they can't function.
If it gets to the point where you can't get out of bed
and you can't face the public,
or you can't go out of your house,
then it might be time to talk to someone.
And maybe a medical doctor is one of those people.
Unfortunately, every medication that a psychiatrist
prescribes has both benefits and side effects.
And one of the unfortunate things is that
some of these medications, they can be habit forming.
And so, it's an important conversation to have
with a professional, is this the right thing for me to do?
And then to do it under close supervision.
- Totally.
- I know that you probably mentor
some younger folks in the business.
What things do you observe in them
when they're having anxiety?
- It's so interesting.
'Cause my sister actually came to me
two days ago and was talking to me about it.
'Cause she was like, lately I've been having shortness
of breath and I've been getting tingly and numb.
She was expressing all these feelings she had had.
And it's so interesting being on the other side of it
and really feel like, okay, I can understand you
and I can sit here and do what I would hope someone
would do for me if I was on that end of it.
- Well, that's a great story.
And when you experience someone else's anxiety
through their eyes and you put it through your lens
and telling them, hey, I've had this, it'll get better.
Tell them what things you did
and try to help them find their personal cure.
- I think that something that's not maybe
as talked about is anxiety in a workplace.
Whether it be in a general environment
that feels very anxious or even just,
if you're personally feeling it and you feel like
you want to go talk to your boss about it.
- Then it depends on the workplace.
Certainly, in smaller workplaces,
there isn't like a big HR human resources department
to go to to get help.
But I think if you witness it in a coworker,
the first thing is to let them know,
hi, I see something's changing.
We need to work as a team here.
Is there something that I can talk with you about?
You need to realize that you're
not necessarily their therapist.
And if it is going to your boss,
I try to have people frame it through a medical condition.
Like, I have anxiety, especially if it's something
that's been diagnosed and that's ongoing.
I might need to have accommodations
because it is one of those illnesses that's covered
under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
So in the workplace, there are certain things
like giving people more time, giving people more space,
coming up with hybrid alternatives.
- So I have some questions from our audience.
The first question, how do you get older generations
to understanding anxiety and validate one's feelings?
- Anxiety stretches across all generations.
It might manifest itself in different ways.
So when you start talking across generational lines,
I think it's just important
to try to find a common language.
And talking about your experience of fear,
your experience of uncertainty, of disappointment.
Those are things that people of all ages
should be able to relate to.
- Yeah.
Okay, question two.
What advice can you share for maintaining friendships
in which you are both mentally ill?
- I think it can be really helpful
that you support each other
and not be judgmental of each other.
But I think you have to be cautious
that you don't try to fix each other
and help that person get to the right assistance
when you feel like it's beyond your ability.
- Well, thank you so much.
I think the last thing that I would love to hear
from you and something that we're doing
with the professionals that come in here
is just getting some tips, or tricks,
or something that the viewers can
apply to their lives at home.
- One technique that I like to advise people
to try is called box breathing.
And it's breathing where you focus on a visual
where you draw a box in your mind.
Want to give it a try?
- Sure. - Okay.
So just close your eyes.
- Okay.
- And then we're going to draw a box up
as you breathe in, and as you inhale.
One, two, three, four.
And then pause, draw a line across.
One, two.
And then we're gonna draw a box line down.
One, two, three, four.
Pause and then draw another line.
One, two.
And then pause.
Draw a line up.
Inhale, one, two, three, four.
And you just keep cycling through
drawing those lines and boxes.
- I like that one [chuckling].
Thank you.
- Well, it gets you to focus on the breath.
And I also want to point out that
as much as we've talked about being a good ally,
being a good friend and a helper,
it's important to remember that when things get
beyond your abilities, don't be afraid
to either yourself or someone else, to call for help.
You can start by finding a licensed therapist
or a counselor, talking to your family doctor,
your primary care doctor, or even going to
resources online, where you look for your
insurance company's provider carrier number.
Call them up or call a helpline to just get some assistance.
- Well, thank you so much.
I really appreciate you coming and teaching me some things.
- Well, thank you for the opportunity and for doing this.
- Yeah, of course.
I loved Dr. Bonds.
He is amazing.
I just wanted to give him a hug.
I thought he was so awesome.
I thought it was really interesting
that he had said how overwhelming it can be
for the person who's trying to be the caretaker
for someone who's experiencing mental illness.
And he is that.
And he said himself, he's like, I suffer from anxiety, too.
So at some point, you have to,
you can help as many people as you want,
but you also have to remember to check in on yourself.
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