♪ Listen, listen ♪
♪ Listen Out Loud ♪
♪ Find out all you need to know About life in the Loud House ♪
Good evening, fellow chill seekers.
This is Lucy Loud hosting my very own Listen Out Loud podcast.
I'm standing outside one of my usual haunts,
The Royal Woods Cemetery.
You better hold on to your coffin handles because it's time for...
[howling]
Lucy's Top Five Countdown of Best Cemetery Landmarks.
I'll be taking you on a personal tour of all the grim gems that make this
my favorite hangout.
Hey, Luce, don't start without me!
I've just gotta lock up our bikes first.
I wouldn't worry about them. You can just leave them against the fence.
But what if someone takes them?
Very few dead people I've seen ride bicycles.
Oh, right.
As you just heard, chill seekers,
my brother Lincoln is joining our little excursion, since it's after dark.
Mom said I have to bring a chaperone.
Luan was supposed to come, but she cancelled at the last minute.
Her slapstick troop had late-night pie throwing rehearsal.
Fortunately, Lincoln was more than willing to come with me.
He's the only other member of my family who also believes in ghosts.
You bet I do!
As a ARGGH cadet, I'm hoping to make contact with the other side.
That's why I brought my ghost containment device.
An audio recorder to capture spirit voices.
And my official hunter spector ghost tracker!
Impressive. Mind if I try it?
[laughing]
Sorry, Lucy. It takes real skill to use this bad boy.
Whoops!
- Dang it. - And with that,
let's get this countdown started.
If you'll follow me this way, we'll begin with number five on the list.
Five.
The cemetery gates.
Lincoln, can you help me push them open?
[groaning]
[gates squeaking]
[groaning]
This wrought iron beauts are as useful as they are striking.
After all, they will be the last defense during a zombie apocalypse,
which, ha-ha, I think we all know is inevitable.
Ah! Lucy, watch it!
- You just closed the gates on my butt! - I didn't do it.
They're too heavy for me to move by myself.
Wait... If you didn't close them...
- And you didn't close them... - That means...
A ghost!
ARGGH Cadet Lincoln Loud is on it!
Let's find out which way it went.
The trusty ghost tracker has never let me down.
[tracker beeping]
Huh, it's not picking up anything.
The spirit must have slipped through our fingers.
Don't worry. We might encounter it again later on in the tour.
Let's head inside the graveyard.
Here's number four on my list.
Four.
The gargoyle statue.
Chill seekers, I wish you could see its razor-sharp talons,
its soulless eyes, its imposing scaly wings.
In other words, the total package.
Lucy, look up! It's our ghost again!
Chill seekers, it appears the spirit has taken the shape of a glowing orb,
and it's dancing right above our heads.
Stand back!
I'll power up the ghost containment device!
OK, it's in position.
We just need to lure the spirit toward it.
Spirit, I summon thee.
We wish to make contact!
It's working! Keep going, Lucy!
All is well, spirit.
Follow the sound of my voice.
And... now!
Oh, man! I missed.
It went that way. Quick, let's follow it.
[breathing heavily]
Ow! Dang it!
Who left that shovel there? Darn grave diggers!
Looks like the spirit got away.
But at least it brought us to the next landmark on our list.
Number three.
Three.
The old Black Gum Tree. I love the blood red foliage.
And how the high branches offer a clear view of home.
But Lucy, our house is the other direction.
The funeral home. Sigh.
My other favorite hang out.
[screaming]
- What are those things? - Ravens.
They're said to be the messengers of the spirits.
And look! They're forming letters in the sky.
It must be a message from our ghost.
I... A... M...
"I am?" I am who?
- Wait! Come back! - Follow those birds.
[breathing heavily]
Look! They're circling above that crypt!
Which happens to be the number two spot on my countdown.
Two.
It's the final resting place of Flip's great-great grandfather, Gip.
He was the founder of Royal Wood's very first business,
Gip's Girdles N' Garters.
Luce, did you hear that?
- It came from inside. - Finally!
We've got our phantom cornered! Let's go!
[breathing heavily]
Whoa. It's so creepy in here.
- Check out all those cob webs. - Homey, isn't it?
And look at these cashmere white granite walls
with genuine Mother of Pearl inlay.
Bravo, Gip.
Clearly a man of exquisite taste.
Oh, and it sounds like he's ready to communicate.
Wait, let me turn on my recorder. I have to get this!
OK, go!
Spirit, can you hear me?
[coffin shaking]
Gasp, it's working!
Will you reveal yourself to us?
Look! Something's moving on the other side of the crypt!
Yes, I see it!
A pale, shadowy figure.
Spirit, we come in peace. Identify yourself!
Are you Flip's great-great grandfather, Gip?
Yep, it's him all right. What should we ask him?
Gip, is the legend true?
Were you gored in the gears of your girdle maker?
[bell ringing]
- Ghastly. - Oh! I want to ask a question!
Gip, are we alone? Do any other spirits inhabit this crypt?
[yodeling]
[train horn]
[honking]
So, wait...
A ghost cowboy... Train conductor... clown?
[water dripping]
Oh, cool! I think I've heard about those.
[honking]
Wait a minute. Thos sounds are very familiar.
I'm going to take a closer look at our apparition.
Hmm, the ghost is draped in what appears to be a tablecloth.
And I think I recognize that lasagna stain. Let's take a peek underneath.
[laughing]
- Luan? - Just as I suspected.
Well, it's about tomb you figured out it was me!
- What are you doing here? - Yeah!
What about your late-night pie throwing rehearsal?
Well, that was just a ruse!
Lucy, when you said you were coming to the cemetery tonight,
I couldn't help myself!
I just had to plan some ghostly hijinks.
- Wait, it was all you? - Of corpse!
How did you close those heavy cemetery gates?
By attaching some of Lana's extra strong fishing line to Lola's jeep!
What was that glowing orb?
Lisa's drone with a flashlight taped on it.
What about the spooky noises?
Courtesy of my sound effects library.
I cata-combed through it to pick the best ones!
That all makes sense, but nothing can explain the behavior of those ravens.
I can! I started training them the day I found out you were doing a podcast.
- Seriously? - Yup!
It took weeks and all of my allowance for bird seed.
But it was totally worth it.
You guys are mad at me, are you?
Well, I really did want to make contact with a spirit.
And it wasn't quite what I had planned for my cemetery tour.
Sigh. But I have to admit,
if you were able to fool two paranormal experts like us,
you must have really done your research. Props.
Aw! I'm so glad to hear you say that.
I can't fang you enough for being good sports!
Speaking of fangs, chill seekers,
it's time to reveal my number one favorite thing about the cemetery.
One.
What's that?
The indigenous Northern Long-Eared Bat population,
known for their especially sharp bite.
[bats squeaking]
Ah, my ponytail!
Get 'em off of me! Get 'em off! Get 'em off!
[screaming]
Help! I've made a grave mistake!
[laughing]
But seriously, someone get me out of this hole!
- Hmm, I suppose we should assist. - I agree.
- But, what's the hurry? - Ha-ha. Ha.
Well chill seekers, I'm sorry our ghost turned out to be a hoax.
Lincoln, I know you probably wish you stayed home tonight.
P'sh! Are you kidding?
This place is awesome!
I can't wait to bring the whole ARGGH Club back here for some serious ghost hunting.
Wicked. Chill seekers, thanks for joining us
for Lucy's Top Five Countdown of Best Cemetery Landmarks.
Until next time.
May your nights be dark, and your nightmares even darker.