>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND RIGHT OVER THERE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YEAH, YEAH.
LEWIS, TONIGHT. I DON'T GET TO SAY THIS EVERY
DAY. AS AN INTERVIEW, I HAVE DONE
BIDS WITH THIS GENTLEMAN. I'VE HAD FUN WITH THIS GENTLEMAN
BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY, THE HONOR,
THE PRIVILEGE TO SAY I WILL BE INTERVIEWING MR. HARRISON FORD.
HAVE YOU SEEN THAT? HAS ANYBODY SEEN, HAS ANYBODY
SEEN THAT SHOW, THAT "1923" THAT HE IS IN WITH HELEN MIRREN.
HAVE YOU SEEN IT? IT'S OUT NOW.
THE MAN IS 80 YEARS OLD, TOUGH AS NAILS.
STILL MAKES A FANTASTIC COWBOY. HIM, HARRISON FORD, LOOKING AS
GOOD AS HE DOES MAKES ME THINK THAT MAYBE JOE SHOULD RUN AGAIN.
THEY ARE THE SAME AGE. WHY?
HARRISON IS A COWBOY. HE RIDES HORSES AND EVERYTHING
IN THIS. PRETTY GREAT.
ANYWAY. FOLKS, I LIVE IN FEAR THAT
MACHINES ARE ON THE VERGE OF RISING UP TO DESTROY US.
THAT'S WHY WHEN I'M NOT USING MY TOASTER, I PUT IT IN THE SHOWER
TO ASSERT DOMINANCE. ASKED MY MICROWAVE TO KEEP AN
EYE ON IT. I KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON ALL THE
ROBOTS AND THEIR BOUGHT STUFF IN MY TECH SEGMENT, "CYBORGASM."
>> OH! >> [CHEERING]
>> Stephen: I JUST FOUND OUT, THIS IS ONE OF THE LONGEST
CREDITS WE HAVE ON THE SHOW AND I WAS TALK ABOUT MAYBE WE SHOULD
CHANGE THE CREDITS. MAKE THEM SHORTER, CHANGE THEM
IN SOME WAY AND I JUST FOUND OUT DOWNSTAIRS THAT THERE WAS A TIME
WHEN WE WERE GOING TO NAME THE SEGMENT, WHICH WE HAVE DONE FOR
SEVEN YEARS, WE WERE GOING TO CALL IT BOT PLUG.
FOR REASONS THAT DEFY ME, WE DID NOT DO THAT.
FIRST UP, THE MACHINES HAVE BEGUN ACQUIRING ABILITIES THAT
HERETOFORE WERE ONLY IN THE REALM OF LIVING CREATURES
BECAUSE SCIENTISTS HAVE GIVEN A ROBOT A SENSE OF SMELL.
THIS ROBOT HERE CAN IDENTIFY A HANDFUL OF SMELLS WITH 10,000
TIMES MORE SENSITIVITY THAN SOME SPECIALIZED ELECTRONICS.
GOOD LORD. ROBOTS HAVE ACHIEVED
MOTHER-IN-LAW ENTERING YOUR HOUSE TECHNOLOGY.
I SEE WE ARE BACK ON OFF-BRAND DETERGENTS.
MY POOR GRANDCHILDREN. OH WAIT, I DON'T HAVE ANY OF
THOSE, DO I? SOME OF YOU SOUND LIKE THAT'S
BEEN SAID TO YOU AT A CERTAIN POINT.
NEXT UP, THE HOME SECURITY COMPANY RING HAS UNVEILED A
DRONE THAT FLIES AROUND YOUR HOUSE TO SHOW YOU WHAT'S GOING
ON IN DIFFERENT ROOMS WHILE YOU'RE OUT.
LET'S WATCH IT NOW. WOW, THAT IS SUCH EXCITING
TECHNOLOGY BECAUSE NOW WITH THE RING DRONE, YOU CAN SEE EVERY
ANGLE OF YOUR CAT HAVING A PSYCHOTIC BREAK.
[LAUGHTER] NEXT UP IN OUR CYBER FUTURE, WE
ARE ALL A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND A
COMPANY CALLED HANSON ROBOTICS BELIEVES THE KEY TO WINNING OVER
A SKEPTICAL PUBLIC SHOULD BE THIS FAMILY OF ROBOT SISTERS
BECAUSE THEY SAY IF YOU HAVE AN AI THAT YOU CAN LOOK IN THE EYE
AND IT SMILES AT YOU, THAT GIVES YOU A SUBJECTIVE FEELING OF
CONNECTION. WELL, I LOVE TO MAKE
CONNECTIONS. LET'S SEE THESE LOVELY AI
SISTERS. [SCREAMS]
DON'T KILL ME, NIGHTMARE MANNEQUIN HEADS.
I'LL TELL YOU THE LOCATION OF THE SUNGLASS HUT.
WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE THAT? WHY?
THE ENGINEER BEHIND THESE WARM, COMFORTING DECAPITATED LADY SAYS
HE WANTED TO HUMANIZE THE ROBOTS BY GIVING THEM INDIVIDUAL
SKILLS. ONE OF THEM IS A MEMBER OF HIS
EXPERIMENTAL BAND, JAM GALAXY. HE PLAYS THE KEYBOARD WHILE THE
ROBOT IMPROVISES SPOKEN WORD POETRY AND BEFORE HE ASKS, I'M
SORRY, I HAVE PLANS THAT NIGHT. EITHER WAY, AI IS GOING TO NEED
ALL THE GOOD P.R. IT CAN GET SINCE WE ARE SEEING MORE AND
MORE HEADLINES LIKE BUZZFEED WILL USE AI TO WRITE ITS
ARTICLES AFTER FIRING 180 EMPLOYEES.
NOT GOING TO WORK, BUZZFEED, NO WAY THE DAY I CAN TELL ME WHICH
KIND OF HOT SAUCE I AM. OH, MY GOD.
I AM THE CHOLULA GIRL. IN FACT, ACCORDING TO EXPERTS,
90% OF ALL MY CONTENT COULD BE GENERATED BY AI BY 2025 WHICH
MEANS THAT HUMAN INTERNET PORN WILL CERTAINLY BE REPLACED WITH
AUTOMATED SLUT. WILL SOON BE REPLACED WITH
AUTOMATED SMUT LIKE THIS. ♪ ♪
>> OH, MMM, OH. >> Stephen: A ROBOTICS COMPANY
IS WORKING TO BUILD AI SYSTEMS FOR CHICKEN SUPPLIERS BY
CREATING 3D RENDERINGS OF CHICKEN PARTS.
THAT 3D RENDERINGS OF CHICKEN PARTS AVAILABLE FOR A LIMITED
TIME ONLY AT THE BUFFALO WILD WINGS.
BUT AFTER ATTEMPTING TO TRAIN THE ROBOTS FOR FOOD PROCESSING,
THE COMPANY HAS REPORTED HOW SURPRISINGLY HARD IT IS FOR A
ROBOT TO PICK UP A CHICKEN WING. AHA.
WE FOUND THEIR WEAKNESS. ROBOTS, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO
OUR JOBS, MAKE OUR ART AND WRITE OUR POETRY AND HAVE SEX WITH OUR
LEAST DESIRABLE MEN BUT THERE IS ONE THING THAT MAKES US UNIQUELY
HUMAN, THE INDEFINABLE SPARK THAT ALLOWS US TO POUND A PLATE
OF ATOMIC WINGS. ROBOTS, I'M ABOUT TO BLOW YOUR
MOTHERBOARDS. BEHOLD!
I AM A MAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND YOU MACHINES WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FEEL THE KIND OF A GRANT
I HAVE TOMORROW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
HARRISON FORD.