I really couldn’t talk to my mum about it, because, like, you know, when you’re Asian,
once you start leaking they start creeping. Looking for your arranged marriage.
Up until this point, like, I’ve always been really regular with my period. Like, to the
day, like, I didn’t even need to think about it. But then this one time I was late by about
a week.
How old were you?
I was like 19.
OK.
Started off just a week late, but then it rolled on I was like 8 weeks late.
What?
Yeah.
Were you pregnant?
Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it. I was a virgin, could I be pregnant? Because, that’s
the only reason at that point that I knew people missed their periods. I didn’t know…
You were thinking you were the muslim Virgin Mary.
The Virgin Sadia. So I didn’t want to tell my parents, because then they would’ve been
like, ‘Well, where’s all the other periods, what didn’t you tell us?’
If this period just came out of nowhere.
Yeah, I’m missing my period. But you ain’t ever had a period? But I really couldn’t
talk to my mum about it, because, like, you know when you’re Asian, once you start leaking
they start creeping. Looking for your arranged marriage.
Get that ring.
You know, so, it’s weird. Yo can’t go to the doctors and be like, ‘Am I pregnant?’
When you ain’t had no sex. Have I sat on some sperm and I didn’t know about it? Like,
I was really fertile. Because it stays in your body for like three days as well, did
you know that?
No, I didn’t know that.
Yes.
OK.
So, you need a morning after, after, after pill. How would I tell the daddy when I didn’t
know who it was? So, that’s a whole other kind of conundrum.
Who is the daddy?
End up on Jeremy Kyle.
The my parents would definitely have found out.
I was gonna speak to my friend and she was like, you know just try and relax. So I took
her advice and I went for a swim, started chilling out in the jacuzzi, was really relaxing.
And it was all bubbling up, bubbling up and then some red started bubbling up. Some woman
tapped me and she was like ‘Did you hurt yourself, are you OK?’ And I saw like some
pool of blood. I was like, ‘Yes!’
How many people were in the jacuzzi?
Like, three. But then they moved quicktime. They were just gone.
Course they was.
Yes.
So you stayed in the…
I did indeed, I was so relaxed last that point. The weight of the world was off my shoulders.
Did you tell anyone that was you?
When I left I said, ‘You might wanna clean that pool I think someone’s had an accident.’
I was going on a date, on my first date with this guy. And I wanted to impress, so I thought
let me do something a bit different, something to make myself feel a little bit special.
So I decided I was gonna wear white trousers.
Brave move.
You know you’ve got those trousers that you’re like, I wanna wear them one day.
One day.
And so, this special occasion was this first date. And I realised I had come on my period
on my way to this date. And I went into the restaurant. Was desperate for a tampon or
a pad. I was asking everyone including men, I was asking ‘do you have a tampon and they
were looking at me like’No.’ They didn’t have one of those machines in the restaurant….
Mmm.
Where you can get tampons and I was really panicking. So what I decided to do, was to
fold up some tissue the was in the toilet and put it in my underwear. Cause I was like,
that’s just gonna hold it in.
I’d have used a napkin you know.
It would’ve been thick, it probably should’ve been. But I thought, let me be smart, I folded
up the tissue, put it in the knickers. It will be fine for the date. So I went and met
this date. He turned up at this place and it was probably the poshest, boujiest restaurant
I’ve ever seen. There were chandeliers, they had white sofas.
What?
I know, I was matching the sofas. Sat down, started having a meal and everything was going
OK. But then I realised I was feeling a bit moist. And I looked down and I saw how when
I slid how there was a… yeah, there was a patch. There was a patch. So I was trying
to cover it up and I was trying to be, like, incognito. But he could see that something
was going on because I was paying more attention to the sofa than top him. So when he went
to the bathroom I was like, ‘I need to come up with a plan, I need to do something really
quickly. And my mind went crazy, I’m not gonna lie to you. My plan of action was to
cut out thew blood stain on the white sofa.
What?
I know, I went crazy. I told you. Covered it up with a cushion. What’s smart? Let’s
cut out a sofa. No… I’m like why do people not have black sofas.
Period friendly sofas.
That would be the right thing. Well he came back, I was like let’s carry on the date,
having a good time. And then it was time for us to leave and I realised when I stood up,
I’ve got, still blood coming out, that’s soaked through into my white trousers. So
I took off my jacket ad wrapped it round my waist, to walk out of this restaurant. But
now, it was winter, it was freezing cold and he’s looking at me like I’m crazy because
I’ve got no jacket on.
Did he not put his arms around you or something?
No. He wasn’t that nice. So he’s like, ‘Is everything ok?’ I was like ‘No everything
is perfectly fine, it’s just that you’re making me really hot.’ He thought he was
gonna get some, but trust me he wasn’t getting any. Never saw him again, never went to this
restaurant again. So…
Can we go back there and see what happened?
No. They probably have me on CCTV somewhere, just like ’Never let this person in’ just
on their wall just like…
A picture in the toilet.
If you could do it again, what would you have done differently?
Wore black trousers.
But you are gonna wear white on your wedding, innit?
No.
Huh?