Are you in the process of divorcing a narcissist and you want to know how the narcissist weaponizes
the court system or even if they do, by the end of this video, you're going to know all
about how narcissists use the court system as a sword in a divorce.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm actually top 1% divorce attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like YOU M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide.
And I've helped thousands of people in their divorces as clients go from lives of drama,
trauma, chaos, to go all the way to the other side to step into lives of freedom, possibility,
and purpose.
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You're getting ready to divorce a narcissist, maybe you're in the process of divorcing a
narcissist, and you're scared to death that the narcissist is going to use the court system
as a sword, or what does that even mean that they use the court system as a sword?
When they go to divorce, they are now in what we call the discard phase.
And if you want to know about the three different phases of a narcissistic relationship, which
is love bomb, devalue and discard, check out my videos on love bombing, devaluing, and
discarding.
But once you get into the discard phase, it's really the birth of the smear campaign.
They can start this process months and months and months before the divorce has even been
filed.
They just start dropping these little breadcrumbs around to their flying monkeys or to the other
people that they want to line up to be on their side because they're just starting to
plant these little seeds that there's something wrong with you.
So, for example, they'll say, "You know, Mary had a little too much to drink at the party,"
and they say that six months before the divorce was even filed because they're kind of starting
to see the writing on the wall.
And so, they just start to say these little things like, "Oh, I'm kind of worried about
her."
They put it in these terms of, "Oh, I'm so worried about that person."
And then, boom, once the divorce starts, they are now suddenly asking for sole custody or
supervised timesharing or they want a custody evaluation, something like that.
And it's the craziest thing.
So, I have a situation like that right now with one of my clients.
My client is the husband and the two of them, they are in the same exact profession and
they even own the business together.
They have three children together.
They have shared custody.
I mean even when they were still married, they shared responsibilities.
Both of them were taking the children to various sports events.
Both of them were making dinner for the children.
Both of them were helping with homework.
Both of them were equally involved in the children's lives.
So I crazily thought, "Oh, we'll start this case and it'll be no problem.
Since they're in the same profession, we're just going to be drafting a marital settlement
agreement.
I'm sure it'll just be 50-50 custody.
There won't be any alimony issues."
But no, she goes and hires a lawyer that likes to help people use the court system as a sword
and weaponize the court system.
And suddenly the woman, the wife filed a motion for a custody evaluation.
And now all of a sudden she's withholding timesharing from my client.
All of a sudden when the case starts, he's a terrible parent.
He beats the children.
He does all of these things.
When meanwhile right up until the day that she filed the petition, they were sharing
all the responsibilities for the child.
But now here she is using the court system as her sword weaponizing the court system
to gain leverage over my client to show that she's the one in control, to show that she's
the one with the power, to show that she's the one that can make him squirm.
Because remember, narcissists need an endless amount of supply.
Supply is their food source, their oxygen.
It's what they live on.
So they get supply from jerking people around.
It sounds like the craziest thing.
When you're going to try to resolve a case, a divorce case or any kind of issue, any kind
of dispute with a narcissist and you are a reasonable person, you are not on the same
page because that narcissist is not looking for an ending of the situation.
The narcissist is looking for a way to continue to jerk you around.
So while you're going, "Well, this doesn't make any sense.
Why are we throwing all this money at this situation?"
Well, the reason why is because they are enjoying the process.
They'll tell you that they aren't.
They'll tell you it's your fault that it's taking so long.
They'll tell you that you are the reason that they had to do all these things because they
had to save their children by asking for sole custody or save their children for asking
for supervised timesharing.
But that's not what they really want to do.
What they really want to do is jerk you around.
I've actually had clients where they were the ones who were the narcissist.
Tell me, I'd rather pay you than her.
I'd rather keep the lawyer working and doing things to make the other person miserable
than to actually resolve the case.
It sounds crazy, but it's not crazy when you know what the motivation is behind it.
And if you don't want this to happen to you, I want to see an "I'm fighting back" in the
comments.
If you are dealing with this, and you're seeing this narcissist using the court system as
a sword, or you think that they're going to be using the court system as a sword, there's
only one way to get back at this and that is to shift the dynamic, turn the tables because
you're going to feel like you're being pelleted with ammunition all over the place.
They're going to use every single thing they can in their arsenal to make your life as
miserable as possible.
So, you're just going to be sitting there defending, defending, defending.
It's like you're trying to get yourself out of a paper bag.
So, the only thing you can do is use my SLAY method, which of course I have a whole course
on, SLAY your negotiation with a narcissist.
But understand that SLAY stands for strategy, leverage, anticipating what the narcissist
is going to do, and focusing on you and your case.
And that's the only way you're going to do it and you need to go on the offensive.
And maybe even use the court system as your own sword, but in a way that ethically manipulates
the manipulator, in a way that makes them think that you are potentially going to be
interrupting their source of supply so that they feel threatened.
Because the only way that you're going to get them to stop using the court system as
their weapon, as their sword to make you crazy and use it as a form of getting supply for
themselves is by fighting back, is by going on the offensive, is by threatening their
source of supply by saying, "Okay, potentially, you're going to look bad if you do this, that
or the other thing," creating leverage against them.
Inside my course, I gave 30 different examples of leverage because that's so important.
I also have a whole video on it.
So, if you haven't checked that out, make sure you check out my video on how to create
leverage and what is leverage when you're dealing with a narcissist.
And we'll drop a link to that below as well.
The main thing that you need to remember is they will use the court system as their sword,
as a weapon, as a means to make you crazy.
Just expect it.
Don't be surprised when they do that.
But you need to have a plan, a plan of attack, a plan to fight back, a plan that has you
controlling the process instead of them.
If you're getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, come on over.
Grab my free Crush My Negotiation Worksheet prep worksheet.
It's helped thousands of people including Sarah who said that it definitely works.
So, why not use it?
It's totally free.
Just go to winmynegotiation.com or we'll drop a link below and you can grab it in the comments.
If you want to join my free private Facebook group, it's called Narcissist Negotiators
with Rebecca Zung.
Just go ahead and hit the link below and answer a couple of little questions so that we just
know that you are actually dealing with a narcissist and that you are going to help
support others who are dealing with narcissists.
If you like this video, give me like, give me a share, drop me a comment.
Let me know that you were here.
I'm so glad that you were here.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
Remember today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.