Hello!
Seiiti Arata.
There is a wrong way of thinking.
And when we say that something is wrong, the cancelling mob is always there, to say that
there is no such thing as “wrong”,only “different”.
However, when it comes to a way of thinking, there is definitely a RIGHT way and a WRONG
way.
ERROR is a word that comes from the Latin ERRARE, which means to walk without direction,
to deviate from the path, to follow a bumpy road, to steer away from the desired destination.
To be a wanderer.
A wanderer is someone who wanders, who does not have a planned destiny.
The WRONG way of thinking is the way that deviates you from your goal with words that
are wrong and irresponsible.
CORRECT is also a Latin word, CORRECTUS.
The RIGHT way of thinking is the way which puts you on the right track, in the right
direction, in charge of your own life, taking responsibility for your own actions.
You can see the difference between the wrong way of thinking and the right way of thinking
in the words that you use.
Generally, people who think wrong use words that indicate a lack of responsibility.
Here are four examples: “The team members took a long time to submit the report”,
“the government’s new law made my life worse”, “the customers are not spending
this month”, “the glass fell over”.
Pay attention to the structure of these sentences.
The sentence is not conjugated in the first person singular “I”.
The subject of the phrase is always someone else.
It is the team members, the government, the customers, and even the force of gravity.
The subject is the OTHER and they have the most power over the verb.
Here, the first person “I” is passive.
I suffered from the team being late, I suffered from the change of regulations, I suffered
from customers not buying anything, I suffered from the force of gravity that pushed the
glass onto the floor.
The right way of thinking would be “I did not manage the project well and did not receive
the report within the deadline”, “I did not adapt to the new government laws in time
as I didn't do the necessary research”, “I am experimenting with new advertising
strategies to overcome the drop in sales and still cannot find a solution”, “I tipped
the glass over because I was not paying attention”.
When you think the right way, you take responsibility.
You are clear about where you can make improvements.
Improving your project management skills, being more aware of new legislation, improving
sales techniques, being more attentive.
When you think the wrong way, you position yourself as a passive victim who has no power
or AGENCY, to interfere with the outcome.
So this is the wrong way to think.
You cannot improve if you think wrong.
All it takes to stop thinking the wrong way and start thinking the RIGHT way is to simply
change the words you use.
This will put you on the right path towards reaching the destination you want and taking
charge of your own life.
Do your words make you sound childish?
Change your vocabulary for better results.
Children naturally avoid responsibility.
They have parents or guardians to provide protection and solve problems.
It is common to hear children say that "the toy broke", "the tomato sauce got on my clothes"
or "they started the fight".
Children lack maturity and agency.
Therefore, they behave selfishly, as if they are the most important thing in the world.
From this childish perspective, unwanted things simply happen out of nowhere.
Part of the explanation is that the child is lacking love.
They want to be accepted, loved by their parents and believe that if they say "I broke my toy",
they are less deserving of love.
The child does not want to be punished, or be perceived as inadequate or distracted.
And so they use the passive form "my toy broke".
However, when the child does something good that they will be praised for, they know that
it is important to emphasise the verb with the first person singular, I. "I fixed my
toy".
And so they get the credit, recognition, admiration, love and praise.
Ideally, these children will mature and learn to take responsibility, learning not to depend
on mum and dad.
The problem is, when this does not happen, they turn into weak adults.
We are infantilised when we continue to avoid taking the blame for what happens in our lives.
Dependency on father and mother figures ends up being transferred to a dependency on the
government.
That is why the official name given to this is PATERNALISM.
Stop for a moment and think about whether you often use phrases like these, in which
you place yourself as a victim of events.
Whenever you use these kinds of phrases, you are behaving like a child who is waiting for
a father or mother figure to help them.
This figure could be the government, your spouse, your boss or anyone else who takes
responsibility but you.
Stop using sentence structures where things happen to you.
It implies that you are not responsible.
Imagine a sales professional who often uses phrases like "sales are low this month" or
"the staff are not cooperating".
What do these sentences say about this salesperson?
When the professional transfers the blame for the results to others, they indirectly
communicate that they are irresponsible.
The opposite is also true.
If they are having a good month at work, this same sales professional may say "I sold a
lot this month" or "I led the team in this project".
From childhood, we understand these concepts and we choose to use the active and passive
forms when it is convenient, depending on the result.
That is why we say "I got a ten at school" when we have a good result and "the teacher
gave me a zero" when we have a bad result.
This is a strategy that works well for children, who are protected by their parents.
But in adult life, this is the wrong way to think and it leads to problems in all areas:
personal finances, work, relationships.
When we say that we are innocent and that events beyond our control are to blame, this
implies that we have no power to influence.
The person is indirectly assuming that they do not have power over these factors and that
they cannot influence their own results.
People who think in a passive way do not perceive the opportunities ahead.
Passive thinking leaves you out of the problem, and also out of the solution.
You miss opportunities that could be seized.
If the work was not completed because there was not enough time, the logical solution
is to have more time.
If sales are bad, the solution is for buyers to decide to spend more.
If the team does not collaborate, they should take the initiative to collaborate.
If traffic is bad, it is necessary to stop having traffic.
In other words, you are not part of the solution needed to change the result and therefore
you cannot do anything.
In fact, I SHOULD not do anything because if I participate in trying to change, it might
as well be my fault.
And I need to be consistent and maintain the narrative that I am the only innocent one
in this story.
The way we think needs to be logical and coherent.
If I think that sales are bad because of buyers, then I will not do anything different because
it is not my fault, and sales will continue to be bad.
Notice that in this example I am using language that takes the blame away from myself.
The logical consequence is that I do not have power, I position myself as a passive subject.
Things happen around me and I am just a victim of chance, luck, other people, circumstances.
By not getting involved in finding a solution, I am in a comfortable, convenient, safe position.
But there is a price to pay.
I do not have the power to change.
Do you understand the wrong way of thinking?
When you are not the one who chose to do or not to do something, it is not your fault
but you also have no power to change or improve.
In other words, you end up settling into a false comfort zone and do not grow as a person.
So, if you want to take control of your own life, it is time to change your attitude and
start using words with a better logic that will help put you in charge of your results.
Take responsibility and make yourself part of the solution.
For the next few days, try to change the way you think.
Think as though you are in control of your own results.
This is personal development.
This is you developing as an adult, being responsible and in charge of yourself.
And the best way to think the right way is to use assertive words that make you responsible
for your results.
Words are the main ingredient of your thinking.
So if you use words that place you as a victim of circumstances, that is how you will think
and act.
At the same time, if you use words that place you as the author of your own reality, you
acquire power of agency.
You will be the true protagonist of your life.
You will create your own future.
When you take responsibility for the problem, you also make yourself part of the solution.
Improve your internal language, the language of the thoughts you have with yourself.
Always think about what it is that you can do differently in each situation to regain
responsibility and power in building your future.
The way you speak influences the way you think and act.
Instead of using passive structures that place you as a victim, try speaking in an active
way, taking full responsibility for what happens in your life.
Taking the lead in your own life is an essential step for anyone who is interested in personal
development.
But it is not the only step.
In the Personal Development course, you have access to a complete roadmap to enter a process
of continuous improvement and develop yourself as a person.
You can see a special lesson from the course right now by going to https://arata.se/personaldevelopment