(bright music)
- [Narrator] Chris Voss,
Founder and CEO of the Black Swan Group
and author of "Never Split the Difference",
is a former lead international kidnapping negotiator
for the FBI.
Voss says, "Emotions are one of the main things
that derail communication.
Once people get upset at one another,
rational thinking goes out the window.
That's why instead of denying or ignoring emotions,
good negotiators identify and influence them.
Emotions aren't the obstacle to successful negotiations.
They are the means."
So, how does Chris Voss navigate emotions
during tough negotiations?
We've gathered five of his top tips
to help you command the negotiation table.
Number one, mirroring.
According to Voss, "Repeat the last one to three words
your counterpart just said back to them.
This is one of the quickest ways to establish a rapport
and make your counterpart feel safe enough
to reveal themselves."
Additionally, this technique allows you
to slow the conversation down,
providing more time to think.
However, it should be used sparingly.
Number two, empathize strategically.
"There are some real bad habits out there,
and one of those bad habits is the idea
that you got to get your point across.
Hear the other side out first."
Demonstrate to your counterpart
that you're striving to understand their feelings.
Voss recommends phrases like
"It sounds like you're afraid of..."
and "It looks like you're concerned about..." to do this.
Number three, guide them to saying no.
Voss explains that no-focused questions go far
in putting the other person at ease.
"Every yes is a concession to the other side,
at least, sometimes it can feel that way.
Allowing opportunities to say no
gives the person a measure of control
and a sense of security."
Number four, recognize and rephrase.
Voss says, "The moment You've convinced someone
that you understand their dreams and feelings
is the moment a negotiation breakthrough can happen.
Trigger a 'that's right' response by summarizing
and reaffirming how your counterpart feels
and what they want.
A great summary that will trigger a 'that's right'
will be done based on feelings and passions
that are driving them but they may be blind to.
And number five, work together.
According to Voss, "Don't try to force your opponent
to admit that you're right.
In negotiations, the more the other person likes you,
the more flexible they will be.
And good negotiators realize that striving
for a win-win outcome produces the best results."