- Soon it's gonna be all that you can eat or drink,
is just water.
Delicious, delicious, filling water.
(slurping)
If you're like most people, you want to eat a healthy diet,
full of foods like granola, fruit juice,
diet soda, and turkey bacon,
except, as it turns out, those foods, among others,
are not as good for you as you once thought.
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Here are 10 healthy foods that turned out to be unhealthy.
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Number 10 is margarine.
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But I Can't Believe it's Not Butter.
Allow me to have this yellow paste that was made
in a laboratory. (laughing)
Butter was declared public enemy number one,
in the 1950s, by heart doctors,
as well as fitness fanatics, because this pure,
unadulterated source of saturated fat
was going to lead us all to an early grave.
So science came to the rescue with the magic of margarine,
where hydrogen is added to vegetable oils,
to make a solid known as partially-hydrogenated oil,
which was supposed to be the healthier
alternative to butter.
Now while there was an early reduction in heart disease
thanks to margarine, studies have since shown
that industrial trans fats were associated
with a 34% increase in death, of its consumers,
from heart attack, stroke, and diabetes.
And the most disturbing thing is that margarine
technically isn't even a food,
and yet it can be found in many processed foods
and grocery stores.
So while I'm not suggesting that you take a bath
in a tub of melted butter,
make sure you check the label before you buy.
Number nine is granola.
Mmm, that crunchy goodness is gonna kill ya.
Once upon a time, granola was the healthiest thing to eat
since sliced bread,
which as it also turns out is very bad for you.
You would think that dried fruits, nuts, and seeds,
combined into a bowl or formed into a bar,
would help you climb the highest mountain and yodel.
And it might, but if you don't actually climb a mountain,
then you just consumed a crazy amount of calories.
The health-food granola that you're used to, is really
not healthy, since it's typically made with butter,
shortening, and or sugar.
And it's often an excuse to cram in chocolate chips,
sugary fruits, and yogurt covering,
so the average serving can have as much as 400 calories.
Just keep in mind that there are healthier granola options,
but instead of going for a misleading tsunami
of sugar and fat, just go for the original cast member,
a handful of raw nuts.
When I get hungry, I just eat some walnuts.
(imitates crunching sound) Healthy.
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Number eight is fruit juice.
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(slurping)
Aah, fruity.
Wait, what?
Not everything that comes off a tree is healthy,
because while fruit juice certainly packs
a lot of vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants,
it's also just a glass full of sugar.
Juice that you squeeze yourself from an orange
that you hand-picked off an organic tree,
is certainly better than a supermarket variety juice
pumped full of added sugar, preservatives,
and other chemicals meant to taste like fruit.
(slurping)
Tastes like sugary death.
The truth is that juice is just the liquid essence
of the fruit, without all the healthy stuff like fiber,
and it allows you to consume the calories
of up to five oranges or apples, without feeling full.
Now we all know that liquid calories from booze and soda
are bad, but the same rules apply to juice,
since they don't provide a filling effect
and cause a rapid blast of sugar into the blood,
as well as insulin, which is a hunger hormone,
so you actually end up eating even more.
You hear that?
That's a whole lot of parents slapping fruit juice boxes
out of kiddies' hands.
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Number seven are energy bars.
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there was once a time when every gym
had an army of energy-bar-munching zombies,
convinced that they would get six-pack abs,
tighter buns, and sweeter pecs,
if they just supplemented their routine with a PowerBar.
These compact miracle meals provided athletes
with the fuel that they needed for greatness,
aka calories, to sustain their extreme workouts.
But for the average consumer watching TV,
it meant higher numbers on the scale.
I've eaten 40 of these bars.
Am I supposed to be heavier now?
The problem is, many of these bars are marketed
as healthy snacks, and contain as much sugar as a candy bar.
So you might as well just have a Snickers.
At least it'll actually taste good.
Even the sugar-free or low-carb protein bars
typically use artificial sweeteners for flavor,
and cause sugar cravings, which leads to weight gain.
So I'll just pass on that protein bar, bro.
While we're passing on that, can you spot me, man?
'Cause I'm trying to get a swell on.
Number six is diet soda.
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News flash to all you ordering a double bacon cheeseburger
and a Diet Coke, one does not cancel-out the other.
In fact, it may actually be worse for you
than a regular coke.
Diet sodas typically have zero calories,
thanks to their artificial sweeteners,
and are a smarter choice for people with diabetes.
But there is nothing nutritionally substantial
in these fizzy, sort-of-sweet-tasting drinks.
What they do have are possibly carcinogenic food colorings,
tooth-enamel-eroding flavors and additives,
and the sweeteners like aspartame can create
elevated risks of heart disease, stroke,
and type-II diabetes.
And if the risk of death isn't enough of a draw,
diet soda also alters the bacteria in our stomachs,
that create glucose intolerance,
which can lead to weight gain and obesity,
which kind of defeats the purpose of a diet soda.
Double cheeseburger and extra large fry,
oh, and a diet soda.
I'm on a diet.
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Number five is couscous.
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I only eat couscous 'cause it doesn't harm any animals.
I don't care if it tastes like mother nature's fart.
The exotic and healthy-looking couscous
is so clever, all dressed up like one of those
healthy grains like barley, spelt, and buckwheat.
But spoiler alert: it's just white pasta
with clever marketing.
That's right, suckas.
Couscous is just little balls of semolina,
which you find in cheap spaghetti,
and is used as filler in meat stews
in places like North Africa.
Sure, the texture resembles the grains beloved
by vegetarian hippies, but a cup of plain couscous
contains 176 calories
and 36 grams of carbs,
which is about the same as many pastas.
So don't fool yourself into thinking it's a health food.
And if tiny balls are your preferred texture,
might I suggest quinoa, and other superfood grains
that couscous is merely trying to impersonate.
Couscous, more like nope nope.
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Number four is turkey bacon.
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Okay, this one personally devastated me,
because I used eat nothing but turkey bacon.
Bacon is so dang delicious, there is actually
a United Church of Bacon,
that substitutes their faith in a higher power
with faith in the higher flavor of greasy meaty goodness.
Pork belly bacon is as unhealthy as it is delicious.
Because of the high fat and sodium,
increases your risk of high blood pressure and stroke.
So the poultry cartels saw an opening
and created turkey bacon as a healthy alternative.
And boy did we eat it up!
Even though turkey bacon is kind of rubbery or leathery,
and either too dry or too soggy.
But because we think it's healthy,
we tend to eat more of it.
But turkey bacon is still processed meat,
treated with mountains of sodium, artificial colors,
sodium nitrates, and still has plenty of saturated fat.
Now turkey bacon is still a healthier alternative,
but with only slightly less fat and calories.
You might as well just go for the full pork bacon,
just don't go wild hog.
Number three is coconut oil.
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But man, I clean with it, I put it in my hair,
and I drink it.
What are you doing to me?
Be wary of any superfood where marketers claim it's healthy,
especially when it has the word oil in it, which generally
just translates into high fat.
The coconut is indeed a miracle fruit
for keeping tropical cultures alive, even in drought.
Its fiber is used for rope for fishing,
its meat, called copra, that feeds animals,
fuel lanterns, and is where coconut oil comes from.
Coconut oil does have photo-protective
and antibacterial properties, but it still has 115 calories
and 12 grams of saturated fat per tablespoon.
Mmm, leave that coconut uncracked.
I think I'll pass.
Saturated fat creates low-density lipoprotein,
or LDL, which is the bad kind of cholesterol.
So its saturated fat content, at 82%,
compared with 63% for butter,
50% for beef fat, and 39% for pork fat,
coconut oil is in some ways the worst for you.
I think I angered a lot of people with that one.
Don't be throwing coconuts at me, man!
They kill you.
Number two are veggie burgers.
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Just like turkey bacon but less meaty,
veggie burgers are, in theory,
supposed to make summer barbecues a little healthier,
if you ignore potato chips, corn, and keg stands.
The problem is that patties don't grow on trees,
so they must be bound together to create
the burger texture, which often means
unhealthy fillers like gums, yeast extract, and corn starch.
The actual veggie content is often low,
and they can be loaded with bloat-inducing soy,
salt, fat, and preservatives for long shelf lives,
which hardly makes them a health food.
A vegetarian meal is generally healthier than grilled meats
that become carcinogenic when put to a flame.
So if you're going veggie burger,
choose brands offering mostly vegetables,
whole grains, and legumes like lentils and beans,
that can provide fiber, vitamins, and minerals.
Otherwise you could just be eating veggie death.
And number one is sushi.
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I can't have sushi now either, man?
That's it, I quit, it's my favorite.
Blue zones in Japan, where people live past 100,
attribute their longevity to a diet of raw fish and rice.
But if they ate Western-style sushi,
like a deep-fried California roll,
they'd die young and beautiful just like us.
Many of the fish found in traditional sushi meals
contain lean protein and anti-inflammatory omega 3's.
But spicy tuna rolls are loaded with enough mayonnaise
for one to one and a half tuna sandwiches.
Then there are the sauces, particularly soy,
which is sodium city, and is ubiquitous in sushi meals,
and grossly overused by Japanese standards,
so you can't even taste the fish.
And we haven't even gotten into the whole mercury thing yet,
where migratory Pelagic fish like tuna
absorb toxic metals.
So just be mindful of that healthy sushi lunch
you go to after your spinning or yoga class.
I raised my leg above my head today,
but also I'm about to go eat some toxic metals,
so I'll see you later, okay.
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So that was 10 healthy foods
that turned out to be unhealthy.
But if you enjoyed this,
remember to give it a big thumbs-up.
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Thank you guys for watching, and I don't know
what to eat now, 'cause I was gonna have sushi.
(crying)