Johnny: HERE THEY COME NOW, BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD!
YES. THIS IS COOL.
YEAH!
Nick: THERE'S SOMETHING PECULIAR ABOUT THESE TWO,
BUT I CAN'T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON IT.
Johnny: WELL, FOR ONE THING, THEY'RE TWO-DIMENSIONAL.
Nick: COME ON, JOHNNY, ALL CELEBRITIES ARE TWO-DIMENSIONAL.
OK, YOU TWO PUNKS, I WANT A GOOD CLEAN FIGHT.
ANY QUESTIONS?
UH, YEAH. CAN I DO YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER?
[GRUNTING]
DAMN IT!
I'M IN NO MOOD FOR YOUR WISECRACKS.
NOW LET'S GET IT ON!
[BELL RINGS]
UH, GET IT ON?
I'M NOT GONNA GET IT ON WITH YOU, DUDE!
YOU FOLKS AT HOME ARE WITNESSING
THE FIRST EVER BATTLE BETWEEN TWO LIVING, BREATHING CARTOON CHARACTERS!
WE SHOULD MENTION THAT THIS FIGHT
IS SPONSORED BY OUR GOOD FRIENDS AT THE WACME CORPORATION.
THEY'VE HELPED US RATCHET UP THE ACTION
WITH A TRUNK FULL OF FUN THINGS TO PLAY WITH.
OR TO KILL WITH, IF WE'RE LUCKY.
HEY, BUTT-HEAD, CHECK IT OUT!
MAYBE THERE'S SOME COOL PORNOGRAPHY INSIDE.
YAH! YAH!
Johnny: INCREDIBLE! IT'S SOME KIND OF...GIANT PENCIL!
GIMME THAT, FARTKNOCKER!
HEY, BEAVIS, CHECK IT OUT.
HEY, DAMN IT! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?
HEY! AAH! AAH!
WHOA? UH, I ERASED YOUR UNIT.
DAMN IT, BUTT-HEAD, THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
I NEED MY UNIT!
YEAH, RIGHT, ASSMUNCH!
AAH! MY NOSE!
COOL.
Nick: BEAVIS TAKES A PENCIL TO THE PROBOSCIS!
AAH!
Johnny: BUTT-HEAD IS DOWN, BUT NOT FOR LONG!
HE'S GOING BACK INTO THE TRUNK!
WHOA. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?
UH, DUH...DUH...
DUNGHYDE.
DUDE, I THINK IT'S BRU...BRU...
ACHOO!
AAH!
UM, BROKEN.
Johnny: LOOK OUT! THAT'S DEHYDRATED BOULDER JUST GOT SOAKED!
AAH!
UH!
Johnny: AND BUTT-HEAD IS SQUASHED LIKE A JUNE BUG IN JULY!
DAMN IT, BEAVIS, YOU DUMB ASS.
QUIT SCREWING AROUND AND HELP ME OUT!
HANG ON, HEH HEH. I'LL BLOW YOU UP.
BLOW ME...UP.
Nick: BEAVIS APPROACHING WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
AAH!
Johnny: ASTONISHING! THAT EXTINGUISHER BLAST
HAS GIVEN BUTT-HEAD A WHOLE NEW DIMENSION!
THE 3-D DIMENSION!
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT!
WHOA! CHECK IT OUT, BEAVIS!
I'M IN 3-D!
COOL! DO ME! DO ME!
I'M NOT DOING YOU, ASSWIPE. DO YOURSELF!
COOL.
AAH! DAMN IT! HELP! AAH!
HEY, BEAVIS, YOU'RE LIKE FAT.
UM, UH-OH.
[SPLAT]
AAH!
Johnny: WHOA!
IT'S A METHANE MELEE DOWN THERE!
EXPLODING FARTS ARE COOL.
AAH!
WHOA. THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
AAH! DAMN IT! NOW, HOW'M I GONNA SPANK MY MONKEY?
LET'S SEE. UH...
AAH! AAH!
WOW, THESE ARE PRETTY COOL.
Nick: CALL HIM BEAVIS SCISSORHANDS!
DUMB ASS.
HEY, BUTT-HEAD, CHECK IT OUT. FREE SODA.
Johnny: LOOK AT THIS, NICK!
THESE KIDS ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF AN UNATTENDED REFRESHMENT CART!
[GUTTURAL NOISES]
Nick: SOMETHING'S TERRIBLY WRONG WITH BEAVIS!
Johnny: HE DOES SEEM TO BE QUIVERING UNCONTROLLABLY.
DAMN IT, BEAVIS! GET BACK IN HERE
SO WE CAN FIGHT TO THE DEATH, UH, OR SOMETHING.
ARE YOU THREATENING ME?
YOU HAVE TEE PEE? TEE PEE FOR MY BUNGHOLE?
Johnny: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
IT LOOKS LIKE BEAVIS HAS TRANSFORMED INTO HIS...ALTER EGO!
WHO'S HIS ALTER EGO?
I AM CORNHOLIO!
AAH!
DAMN IT, BEAVIS. KNOCK IT OFF.
ARE YOU THREATENING ME?
AAAH!
SETTLE DOWN, BEAVIS!
AAAH!
OH, MY GOD!
CORNHOLIO IS TURNING THIS RING INSIDE OUT!
NOT TO MENTION HIS OPPONENT.
Nick: THIS FIGHT MAY BE OVER!
[BELL RINGS]
AND THE WINNER IS...CORNHOLIO!
Nick: WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING NOW?
TEE PEE!
Johnny: IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GATHERING UP
THOSE LONG, BLOODY BUTT-HEAD STRIPS! BUT WHY?
TEE PEE! TEE PEE FOR MY BUNGHOLE!
TEE PEE FOR HIS BUNGHOLE?
I'M SORRY I ASKED!
AND WITH THOSE WORDS OF INSPIRATION,
BEAVIS CLAIMS VICTORY OVER HIS FORMER PARTNER IN COMEDY, BUTT-HEAD.