- Told you Salman Khans better.
I'm just so happy right now, Valentine's Day with habibti,
your mom doesn't come home for another three hours.
- I know it's nice.
- You want something to drink?
- Sure.
- I got you, I got you girl
♪ Valentine's Day and your boy's about to get jiggy with it ♪
Let's go, let's go.
See, we're so much better when we don't fight.
I mean especially on Valentine's Day.
- Did you take a picture with Tanya?
- Yeah, that's my homegirl.
What's up?
- That's your home girl what's up,
you know I don't like Tanya.
- It's a picture, she asked for it.
What's the big deal?
- You're so stupid, jerk.
- You're over reacting.
- No, you're an idiot.
- It's Valentine's Day love.
- It's actually just Friday and I don't give an eff.
- You tick me off when you do this, you know that?
- Oh look at me, I'm such a big pimp, I've so many hoes.
My name is Yousef, I eat hummus.
- Oh yeah, cause I really think that I'm a big pimp.
Yeah I think I'm 2 Chainz's brother.
You wanna go? - Wanna fight?
- Yes, I do. - Let's go.
- Oh, you're breath stinks.
- You're a idiot.
(intense music)
♪ I've had it up to here with all your stupid little games ♪
♪ Chasing the big booty hoes like your name was 2 Chainz ♪
♪ You so lame, it's insane ♪
♪ You think you and him are the same ♪
♪ Yous a dog, I got the leash ♪
♪ I guess that makes you one chain ♪
♪ Don't be callin' me jealous ♪
♪ Cause we all know what you're like ♪
♪ And insecure every time I sit down ♪
♪ Just to watch Magic Mike ♪
♪ You always testing my patience ♪
♪ But you know what, that's all right ♪
♪ Cause when we fight I'm like an answer key boy ♪
♪ I'm always right ♪
♪ I complete your every site ♪
♪ I'm like your effin dot com ♪
♪ Say I tick you off, no dog ♪
♪ I tick tick cause I'm the bomb ♪
♪ Soon you're gone, you're on the line ♪
♪ But not the ones on my palm ♪
♪ Cause you ain't my future ♪
♪ In fact, even your present is wrong ♪
♪ Your jokes always lame, you stink up the place ♪
♪ I wish I was Bane with the mask on my face ♪
♪ You pee on the seat, you sweat when you eat ♪
♪ And when I'm cold you turn off the heat ♪
♪ I lie about my rag but you always take me serious ♪
♪ No, you're bad in bed, the end ♪
♪ How's that, for a period. ♪
(crying)
- You're right.
I shouldn't cry over someone who smells.
You're right.
You better pick up, you gotta pick up.
- What do you want?
♪ Okay listen up Lily, your raps are very silly ♪
♪ Oh you mad I didn't say congratulations for the milli ♪
♪ Do you feel me, can you hear me ♪
♪ Can you see me, you can't be me ♪
♪ I don't want you but you made it very ah ♪
♪ Girl you weren't my main, I was just playin the game ♪
♪ Don't you remember that time on the phone ♪
♪ I said the wrong name ♪
♪ Well who's to blame, your looks too plain ♪
♪ And you drive me insane ♪
♪ Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up ♪
♪ It's what's her name ♪
♪ You got me confused, it's like you watchin the news ♪
♪ Searchin left and right for my heart ♪
♪ Like this was Blues Clues ♪
♪ I really tried to make it work ♪
♪ I did despite your inability to twerk ♪
♪ And I know what you're gonna say ♪
♪ You jerk ♪
♪ You got a little rump in the trunk ♪
♪ Thanks to all that junk ♪
♪ And I'm not tryin to flirt ♪
♪ Your breath smell like powder ♪
♪ Our love was a lie and I don't want you to cry ♪
♪ But when my next girl calls ♪
♪ Can you say I was a nice guy ♪
- Okay, you know what, we're over.
- Fine with me, bye.
- Bye.
I can twerk.
(crying)
- Yousef, what are you crying about?
It sounds like there is a dying donkey in here.
I don't see no donkey.
- Oi, what happened, why you crying?
- It's stupid Youssef.
- Huh?
- I got in a fight with Lily.
- Oh you're so silly.
- He's always fighting with me.
- Oh shut up, okay?
- No mom, you don't get it, okay?
He's such an idiot.
- Oh shut up, okay?
Don't say like this.
- I never want to talk to her again.
- Oh you're so silly crying over Lily.
I can get you married to Veranda, Brenda,
Monica, Latija, Nadija and Sindhi by tomorrow.
- No I hate him, okay?
He's always like habibti, habibti I love you.
Take your habibti and shove it up your butt.
I hate him.
- Listen okay?
What you think, everybody perfect?
Sometimes people fighting.
- Oh, shush shush you big baby.
I got broken 20 times, I don't care.
I will take care of this for you right now.
- Let me fix, I'm going to
(phone ringing)
Wait one minute.
Hello.
- Oh hello Miss mother of Lily.
- Ah yes, I was just going to call you.
How you are?
- Our kids got into a little argument.
- Yup, I was just telling Lily right now,
these things happen.
- Oh I know, they are so silly.
Fight, fight, fight, like little lovebirds.
Romeo and Juliet.
- Yes.
- Oh that's great.
I just need Lily to apologize to Yousef
and it will all go back to normal.
- Huh?
Why my Lily apologize to your Yousef, he bloody wrong.
- Are you crazy?
- Huh?
- You stupid lady, are you crazy?
My son is a prince in this country.
- You want to fight with me right now?
- Want to fight? Let's fight right now.
I have a skateboard, let's fight.
- You better be doing like this, okay?
Like this, because I'm going to talk and think
♪ Oi listen here auntiji, that's my little baby ♪
♪ If you think my daughter wrong ♪
♪ Then I think you little crazy ♪
♪ Maybe you should teach him but you look a little lazy ♪
♪ And also a little fat eating more butter lately ♪
♪ Oi, teach your son some manners man ♪
♪ What will people think ♪
♪ He running round like Titanic ♪
♪ Making family name sink ♪
♪ And you always watching tv and his daddy holding drink ♪
♪ We'd rather eat so much tutti ♪
♪ Than to have your wedding ring ♪
♪ We are proper, we are best ♪
♪ And my roti always round ♪
♪ We are rich buying mithai everyday by the pound ♪
♪ And my cooking brings all the unclejis to this town ♪
♪ They taste it and ah ha ha ha is the only sound ♪
♪ My house always clean, subji making machine ♪
♪ I am never mean, every son-in-law's bloody dream ♪
♪ My daughter A-one and your son a big zero ♪
♪ Meet the best parents, me ♪
♪ And you, Robert De Niro ♪
- Who do you think you are, Little Juicy?
Your rap sucks, here's a real rap for you woman.
♪ Lady, lady, lady, lady, lady ♪
♪ Your voice is really very very scary ♪
♪ It reminds me of my old boss, his name was Larry ♪
♪ And I know I know I know I'm very hairy ♪
♪ Marry my son, to your smelly Lily ♪
♪ Ha, no way, not even for a milli ♪
♪ We eat the hummus you eat the roti ♪
♪ Keep dissing me you'll scream don't choke me ♪
♪ You are fat, I am thin ♪
♪ Hey go fish, I win ♪
♪ Change the prime, you're a waste of my time. ♪
♪ Your kitchen, is very very very smelly ♪
♪ My husband he owns a very big deli ♪
♪ And I know, I know, you're very very jelly ♪
♪ Don't have to waste your time trying to tell me ♪
♪ If you keep talk talk talk ♪
♪ I will have to walk walk walk ♪
♪ All over your face to make you go bok bok bok ♪
- You think you're Danny Baker?
- You are so stupid.
- You think you're bloody perfect over here, huh?
- I need to wax your eyebrows off.
Your eyebrows are disgusting.
- Oh you ever taste my bloody subji?
You bloody ever taste my chai?
Bloody best chai.
Your chai garbage, I drink your chai run to washroom
cause I have tutti, okay?
- And your toes are so crusty.
- You don't bloody talk to me like this, okay?
I am blood citizen here.
(yells in foreign language)
- You're so stupid.
- Hey, what's bloody happening here, huh?
- What's happening is that my boyfriend is such a jerk.
- My girlfriend is psycho, your daughters a psycho.
Psycho.
- And he can't even dance, he just goes
- You know what this fool saying?
Lily, boyfriend mother, you know what she saying to me?
- Your wife is psycho.
- And then she bloody
- Oh hello one second.
Lily, you have boyfriend?
(record screeching)
- Okay we call you back.
- Oh snap.
- Come on babe, I'm in the mood.
- Yeah, I'm in the mood to cut you okay?
(screaming in pain)
- Hoe bag. Stupid. Idiot.
- Ow, my nipple.
- Oh yeah I really think I'm a pimp.
Yeah, I think I'm 2 Chainz's brother
you know what, you want to go?
(electronic music)