The four types of love: which one are you?
The idea of a soulmate is one found throughout all of popular culture.
For example, the idea you could meet someone on a train and fall in love instantly.
Let's remove those rose tinted glasses that romanticize love and take a look at soulmates in a more scientific light.
Dr. Helen Fisher who is a research professor of anthropology has studied human love for years.
She's made groundbreaking discoveries about who people are as lovers and the love they seek as a result.
There are four love types that she discovered: the explorer, the builder, the director and the negotiator.
Explorers are dominant in dopamine, builders are dominant in serotonin,
directors are dominant in testosterone and negotiators are dominant in estrogen. Based on our chemical makeup
it also shows in our personality, characteristics, habits and lifestyle preferences.
Explorers are often associated with words like adventure, spontaneity and fun.
Because their chemical makeup is predominantly dopamine these people seek a playmate in their lover.
They see life as one big great adventure and want someone to join them in it.
They are highly impulsive and curious. High dopamine levels also influence explorer types to be motivated and goal-oriented
because they are linked to enthusiasm, energy,
focus and assertiveness.
Explorers often tend to be attracted to other explorers.
Well, that sounds easy enough. When two explorers come together and sparks ignite with two bold hearts on fire
if they don't learn what patience is down the road,
it is common for the two explorers to get in a head-on collision. This can result in messy breakups.
Builders are often associated with words like family, honesty and loyalty.
Because their chemical makeup is predominantly serotonin these people seek a helpful lover.
Serotonin generates caution because it suppresses dopamine levels.
Therefore, builders are relaxed, social, steady and family and community oriented.
They are natural networkers and respect rules and authority in society. Builders are natural planners and like to schedule things ahead of time.
They have an eye for detail and are linear in the way they do things in a step-by-step fashion.
Builders are often attracted to other builders. These couples are often the highschool sweethearts you hear about who are still married 60 years later.
Well, that sounds idealistic, that doesn't mean builders don't have their fair share of obstacles to overcome in their relationships.
For instance, because builders can be set in their rules,
schedules and traditions, two builders may bicker over what they perceive as the right way of doing things.
It is important for builders to keep an open mind and learn the value of flexibility if they want their relationships to grow and evolve.
Directors are often associated with words like nerd, ambition and challenge. Because their chemical makeup is predominantly
testosterone these people seek a mind mate in their lovers.
Directors are straightforward, tough-minded and decisive. They value logic.
Therefore, when making decisions they are not easily swayed by emotions.
Directors enjoy competition and are pragmatic,
focused and daring. They are also highly ambitious and can be so independent that they can come off as lone wolves.
Directors have excellent spatial skills and musical and athletic ability, too.
Directors rarely ever go for other directors. Instead, they go for their opposite mates, which is the negotiator.
This is because directors lack the verbal and people reading skills negotiators naturally possess that help attract them to one another.
Although the director and negotiator typically make a good pairing problems can still arise.
Directors, for instance, have workaholic tendencies and may neglect to spend quality time with negotiators and their family.
Negotiators are often associated with words like kindness, empathy and sensitivity.
Because their chemical makeup is predominantly estrogen they seek a soulmate in their lover.
Negotiators are known to be the philosophers out of the love type group because their high estrogen level provides for web-thinking.
This helps them connect a vast array of ideas,
concepts and theories with one another as well as think naturally in an abstract manner and provides them with a vivid imagination.
As a result, this makes them habitual daydreamers.
Negotiators are highly intuitive individuals relying on their gut feelings often because they are natural feelers. However,
negotiators can experience problems in their relationships when they dwell on casual comments and criticisms.
They tend to take them personally and can cause them to hold grudges for months or even years.
Negotiators are also susceptible to depression and can overdo it when they constantly feel lost.
Always on the search for themselves, they can become overly self-absorbed,
self-conscious and self-critical.
Although these love types are more likely to be attracted to certain types of lovers over others the truth
is that any love match can work.
So long as the two members are mature enough and willing to cooperate with one another and work with each other's differences.
Despite the important research Dr. Helen Fisher conducted,
we still know only a speck about love. It is still such an enigmatic concept that cannot be fully explained even in the outmost
scientific way because after all, people often end up falling in love with those whom they least expect to end up with.
Ultimately, in relationships it's about constantly choosing your partner over and over again and
kindness.
If you find yourself in a disagreement with your partner pick up the phone or drive over to their place, swallow your pride and apologize.
Ask yourself: is this really worth losing someone over? The sad reality is that things are always fleeting.
But the things you do have control over make those moments count.
What are your thoughts on love in the four love types?
Be sure to leave your comments below and follow the link in the description to find out which love type you are.
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