- Have you ever wondered why it is
that men have commitment issues?
I mean, you find yourself talking to a new guy,
things are connecting,
oh my God, you both like to go hiking together.
What do you know? It's a perfect fit.
But then you get to anywhere from that three-week
to three-month time period of talking to each other
and you find out that
he's not quite ready for a relationship.
If you've ever happened this to you,
and this is super frustrating,
then keep watching 'cause in this video,
I'm gonna talk about the four main reasons
why it is that men have commitment issues.
And once you understand these,
suddenly, you can stop wasting your time with the wrong men
and start opening your heart to the right men.
Keep watching.
(lighthearted music)
Hey there, Adam LoDolce from love strategies.com
where we help successful single women get out there
and attract long lasting love
and do it with a proven strategy.
And in this video,
we're gonna be talking all about commitment.
Now, I have kind of a deep, dark secret
that I don't talk about, I think, enough on this channel.
And that is that I used to be
a little bit of a commitment-phobe.
You see, the reality of my love life is back in college,
I really struggled
to find the right type of connection for me.
I really struggled, I was overweight,
I didn't have a lot of confidence.
And every time I would talk to a new woman,
she just wasn't that interested in dating me.
My nickname was friend-zoned Adam.
Then after college, once I learned these strategies,
all the strategies that I talked about in Love Strategies,
that is where everything changed.
And I went through a certain period of my life in my 20s
where I would say I avoided commitment like the plague.
And frankly, that was actually a pretty healthy time for me.
It was a good time for me
to explore what it is that I wanted,
what it is that I didn't want,
and I just was in that time of my life
where I really wanted a relationship.
But having gone through that time of my life,
as well as having coached so many men in the past
on dating and relationships,
I feel like I have a unique perspective to talk about
why it is that men have commitment issues.
So let's just jump right into it.
Reason number one is that their life
is just logistically not set up for love.
Now, this could be for a lot of different reasons,
but the most common reason is due to financial issues.
If a man does not feel like he has the financial capability
to provide for a woman,
regardless of how irrational that is in modern society,
it's still going to be very difficult for him
to commit his life to a woman.
Long story short,
men have to have their together before they can commit.
Reason number two,
and this is probably gonna a few of you off,
but I have to say it because it's true.
There are a lot of guys out there
who have a lot of options of women that they can date
or hook up with,
and they happen to like having lots of options
and they like casual sex.
These are what you sexy, single ladies might call a player.
Now, contrary to what most people think,
not all players are horrible people.
Of course, some players are really horrible people
and narcissistic, emotional energy vampires
who suck all of your energy dry
and leave you hanging, wishing for more.
Not all guys are like that who you might consider players.
Some guys are players because they just have options
and they're at a stage in their life
where they're enjoying the casual hookup scene.
And frankly,
that's not that big of a deal so long as, in my opinion,
so long as they're being open and honest about it.
Same thing goes with you women.
If you're in a stage in your life
where you want a casual situationship, that's fine.
I don't judge that so long as you are being open and honest
with the guy that you're with,
as well as open and honest with yourself.
And frankly, what I've found is that most of the good guys
who went through their player phase,
they come out of it pretty quickly.
They get to a phase in their life where they realize that
this whole casual hookup thing is kind of gross.
It's not serving me emotionally and I'm feeling lonely.
And I found that in my experience,
that's anywhere from six months to a year
of a guy going through this phase,
and then they settle down.
But word of caution,
if you are dating a guy who is in this space right now,
ladies, get close to me.
Let's zoom in slowly.
You cannot do anything to change him,
especially if he's telling you outright
this is the phase he's in.
Listen to him and move on.
The third reason why some men have commitment issues
is because they have what is known as
an avoidant attachment style.
Now, your attachment style is essentially the way it is
that we connect to other people in romantic relationships.
There's four different attachment styles,
but the one that relates to commitment issues
and pushing away from commitment
is what is known as an avoidant attachment style.
Now, our attachment styles are generally developed
when we are a child
and it's based on our relationship with our parents.
And if a man suffers from an avoidant attachment style,
it's likely that his childhood was a little bit difficult
and perhaps his parents were just not quite aligned
or in tune with his emotional state.
In many cases,
they were probably an avoidant attachment style themselves.
These are families where essentially,
emotions are not discussed.
And the way to deal with emotions is to run from them.
And this comes down to a core fundamental point
about relationships.
And that is that we don't necessarily date in a way
that makes us happy because most guys
wouldn't want to be an avoidant attachment style.
They just are.
We date in a way that makes us comfortable.
We look for relationships
that are a reflection of our childhood,
whether we do that subconsciously or consciously.
And if guys fall into this category
and they are avoidant attachment styles
and they don't wanna work on this
and they're not aware of it, then run.
This is not going to change
unless he's extremely intentional about making that change.
And then the fourth reason
why it is that men have commitment issues
is that you haven't quite built enough emotional attraction
with that man.
Now, there's essentially two types of attraction.
There's physical attraction, where when a man sees you,
he looks at you, he's physically attracted to you, okay?
Men are incredibly visual creatures.
And then there's a second type of attraction
that I call emotional attraction,
where you connect with a man on a deep emotional level.
And if you learn how to build this type of attraction,
suddenly, men are going to be much more drawn to you
for a long-term committed relationship.
And I'll tell you this.
When I transitioned from my days
of being a commitment-phobe to ultimately meeting Jessica
and settling down with my life
and living with her here in Boston,
I will tell you that the cornerstone of that relationship
was emotional attraction.
It was no longer just about the physical,
and it was much more about our connection.
Spending time together, having fun together, engaging,
insightful dialogue.
All of those things are wrapped into emotional attraction.
So it's really one of the most powerful ways
to connect with a new person.
I can't get into that in this video right now,
there's not enough time, but I do have a free training
that walks you through this entire process.
I'll leave a link in the description
or you can head on over to lovestrategies.com for more.
So I wanna hear from you in the comments below.
Have you ever dated a guy
with any of these commitment issues?
Leave a comment right there below.
And if you enjoyed this video,
please give this video a like.
It's going to give you a lifetime,
I'm telling you, a lifetime of good luck in your love life.
Just give that video a like.
And don't forget to subscribe for more videos,
just like this, if you enjoyed it.
And I just wanna say, thank you so much for watching.
This has been an absolute pleasure serving you,
and I'll speak to you, sexy single lady, next week.
Bye-bye.