You have dating tips on here, perhaps you have dating tips for Ari.
>> I will tell you, if you want to be a baller, Derek Jeter does this,
I don't know if Ari's in that league, just yet,
but Derek Jeter did something which I thought was hysterical.
I heard he, after a date, the next day he send them Yankees tickets and
an autographed jersey.
After they stay over.
>> [LAUGH] >> Which I thought was interesting.
And so I give girls a Joder key chain >> Uh-huh.
>> [LAUGH] >> And
an Emperor's New Groove throw pillow.
>> [LAUGH] >> And then I said,
you can grab a Kate Spade, a regular bag like out of the garage in the back.
>> [LAUGH] >> One per
customer >> But
sometimes when you date I gotta tell Ari this, when there's a breakup that
you gotta be careful about that, usually I'm getting broken up with,
but if you break up girls are very sensitive to the timing of it.
You have to, there's never a good time, because if you break up,
they tell their friends he broke up with me ten days before Christmas.
So it wasn't Christmas?
No, but ten days before.
Really? It was two and
a half months after my birthday.
[LAUGH] Really underline birthday.
He broke up with me on daylight savings time.
[LAUGH] So I had an extra hour to cry.
He did it on purpose.
[LAUGH] [LAUGHING] So you have to be careful.
>> Careful, yes.
>> I'll make sure he's careful when he breaks up with somebody.
We gotta find somebody for him first.
We really do. >> He's a cool dude.
>> How's your love life?
Are you- >> Weak.
>> - with someone?
>> [LAUGH] >> Went through a bit of a breakup
recently and a little tough.
But I'm. >> Did she break up with you, or
did you break up with her?
>> No comment.
>> [LAUGH] >> No,
obviously I'm the problem in every situation, but she was great, yeah.
I sort of messed it but, I went to get a new shirt because I thought I gotta get
[SOUND] out there, like Ari.
>> [LAUGH] >> So I went to Macy's in the valley.
Because I sometimes go to the valley cuz I'm about 8% more famous there.
>> [LAUGH] >> I have an apt for it.
So- >> [LAUGH]
>> So I go out there and then but
I go in and then I wanted to get a shirt.
I look in the mirror and when
you go in the mirror I know what I look like in the mirror.
It's not great whatever, it's like a six or a seven, whatever.
I mean just going off the internet.
>> [LAUGH] >> But I'm okay with it at this point but
it's exactly straight on.
Can I stand up?
When you go the mirror at Macy's it's an octagon or
something so have you ever seen yourself on the side?
It's horrifying.
>> [LAUGH] >> I go like this, who's this dude?
My god, is that me?
Is that what the world sees everyday?
It's who invited Golum in here, I go my god,
it's literally like six, five, two, two, two.
>> [LAUGH] >> And when
>> [LAUGH]
>> So depressing and so
when I went out that night, I couldn't even get it out of my head.
So, I just stayed flat with girls, I'm like this, how you doing?
>> [LAUGH] >> You girls want drinks?
Heineken, Heineken, brb.
>> [LAUGH] >> [APPLAUSE]
>> [INAUDIBLE]
>> It got worse coming around.
>> My God.
That is hilarious, and you look great and you always have looked great.
So, stop saying that, and I hope you get out there.
>> Back out there.
>> And I hope you meet somebody, that'd be great.
>> Fight the good fight.
>> What's the story with Adele?
How did you meet Adele?
>> Adele.
You know.
>> Beautiful Adele I saw out in the real world.
I don't get star struck that much and
I was a little star struck because I was, having sushi.
She comes traipsing in with her squad and I could tell she's so pretty, no makeup.
Just walking in, and I was like, I think that's Adele.
>> And then I go I'm not gonna say anything cuz I'm not like that, you know?
Then I got a few knocks in me, [LAUGH], yeah, a little loud mouth soup,
and I was on my way, I go she'll be mad if I don't say something.
>> [LAUGH] >> But she has a bodyguard.
I've seen you out, you don't have bodyguards.
She has a bodyguard and this little curtain room.
[SOUND] So I go, I don't wanna just bust in.
So I do the procedure where I walk up and he's like and you are, my old bit.
>> [LAUGH] >> And
then I go hey can I go talk to Adelle, I'm sort of a medium star, whatever.
>> [LAUGH] >> Cuz he's British too.
And I don't know what the deal is.
So I fill out the paperwork.
>> [LAUGH] >> Have you been in the million oath
>> A hundred million dollar movie.
I guess, you're never gonna check,
you know, whatever.
>> [LAUGH] >> So, I go in and
I don't say hello, I don't give her the cornball line.
>> [LAUGH] >> I go, wassup?!
>> [LAUGH]
>> I gave her the American one, you know.
But I had my phone in my hand, and
I And she was eyeballing it.
I didn't know, I didn't want her to think I wanted a selfie you know,
slowly back in the holster.
I don't want her to tighten up you know.
So I go hey now, like you know, I'm like really good looking in America.
I don't know what it's like.
I'm a huge deal over here.
And then, blank looks, whatever.
But then I talked to her and she was very sweet.
And then I was like.
She goes I'm playing the Staples in August.
I go that whole month is tough for me.
>> [LAUGH] >> She invites me and
I didn't even know what I'm saying cuz I'm a little loopy, buzzed.
And of course I stay maybe a solid minute too long because I was yammering blah,
blah, blah.
And then I said hey let's do this at my house next time I have a huge back yard.
What am I talking about?
Why am I saying this?
It was probably four minutes too long.
And then I go all right I'm out.
But it was, anyway, it was great.
Very embarrassing but when you get starstruck I see what happens.
You don't know what's going on.
>> Let's do this in my backyard.
What was that?
>> I know, I'm so dumb.
I go, When I go to England you owe me dinner.
She didn't buy me, I didn't buy her.
>> [LAUGH] >> I said I'll buy everyone dinner,
that's another thing, and then I go I'm kidding I'm not on this show right now.
Four in a row and zonked.
Anyway.
>> Well, it worked well now.