- [Male Narrator] Every man and woman wants to be happy,
but no one actually asks what exactly is happiness.
Where does it even come from?
Many videos that talk about this topic
say that it's totally subjective to the person
and you should only do what makes you happy.
To some extent, I do agree with this,
but there is a giant piece of the happiness puzzle
that I believe people are missing.
And in this video, I am going to address it.
Let's start off with an example.
If I ask someone, "What makes you happy?"
and they say to me, "owning cool cars makes me happy,
"I have a very cool car collection."
So, this is cool, but this is a superficial happiness,
it is not really a core happiness.
There is a quote by Socrates that I think
is very interesting.
He said, "The secret of happiness
"is not found in seeking more,
"but in developing the capacity to enjoy less."
I will explain this quote through an example.
We all know someone who has gone over to Africa
for a little bit of time to help out the kids there.
One of the most common things people say
when they come back from Africa is how happy
the kids are there.
Even though they have almost nothing,
a lot of them are laughing and enjoying themselves
much more than the kids back in North America
who have much more than them.
This is because their happiness comes from much less.
Another interesting idea to understand
with very young children is that you don't really
ever ask them, "Are you happy?"
If you asked a child that, they wouldn't even really know
what you were talking about.
Now, there will be a time where you will ask that kid,
"Are you happy?" And they will say either no or yes
because as you get older, more stuff and burdens
get laid upon you.
Where a lot of people get in trouble
is when they think happiness is tangible.
Meaning they can touch and smell it, like a new car.
But, happiness is not this, happiness just is.
Another quote that I really love is,
"Happiness is reality minus expectations."
When we start laying things on the child,
when we start laying expectations on the child
and when the child does not achieve our expectations,
like getting a good grade or not coming in first
in a race when he was expected to come first,
then they become unhappy.
Because we have associated happiness
with these tangible things, it's impossible
to get core happiness.
When us humans are in our totally natural state,
when there is nothing tangible chaining us down,
then we are happy.
When we are free, we are happy.
That is why children are so happy.
Because there's nothing chaining them down,
they just kind of laugh and do whatever they want to do.
A lot of them don't even make sense when you talk to them.
They don't even feel obligated to form complete sentences.
I'm not saying that we can go through our lives
without goals, I am not saying it's bad to be happy
when you make a certain amount of money per month
and achieve a goal.
But, what I am saying is it's important to understand
what exactly happiness is.
You need to ask yourself, "Where does my happiness
"come from?"
And ruthlessly, ask yourself, "Why do I get my happiness
"from this thing."
If you ask yourself why enough times,
you will get down to the core of yourself.
Maybe the reason why you love cars so much
is because your dad loved cars.
Maybe your dad loved cars so much
that he neglected you as a child.
And because you have not dealt with this issue,
subconsciously, when you get these amazing cars,
you're trying to impress him and get attention from him.
This might sound a little weird and crazy.
I know I'm not a therapist or a psychiatrist,
but this type of behavior is actually much more common
than you realize.
You need to ask yourself why.
As you get older and older, you get so much stuff
just laid upon you, pushing your happiness
further and further down the rabbit hole,
which chains you down even more.
And again, happiness is being free.
If it gets really bad and the chains become too much,
people will try and escape by using drugs, food, sex.
No matter what it is people use to escape,
it achieves the same goal, which is temporarily blurring
all the expectations laid upon you.
You are not really happy when you are high.
You just forget about the expectations just for a moment.
Become aware of what you think makes you happy
and be honest with yourself.
Subscribe to become a masculine man.
(slow music)