What kind of men make the worst partners? That's what we're going to be talking about
in this video. We're going to be stirring it up a little bit. But first, my name is
Clay with modernlove.life. We help you get the great loving relationship that you're
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it just got really weird for me to be putting together lessons and stuff that say things
like, "Hey, make small talk with strangers," and "interact with people," and stuff like
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free to use it. If not, no worries. So let's go ahead and get into this video.
We're talking about the men who make the worst partners for relationships. Now, this is obviously
not something that I know from personal experience, but I have coached a lot of women over the
years. And I have heard a lot of stories about the men that they have dated. And sometimes,
you're hearing stories about someone's experience with a partner or a relationship or something.
And it's like, wow, that's a really tough kind of personality to deal with there. Are
you sure you want to be in this kind of relationship? And this is really important too, to consider.
Obviously, you're free to make whatever choice you want, whatever decisions you want, when
it comes to a partner. But you have to own it and you have to be willing to accept the
consequences of it. However, I do work with a fair number of women and many of them are
younger women, who at some point in the future, do want to do things like get married and
have a family and all of that. And so, it is important that you actually
start to think about what sort of personality traits might make a good husband. What sorts
of personality traits might make a good father. Because if you do find yourself married to
someone who is incredibly not the right kind of personality type for you, or not the right
kind of personality type to be a good supportive, caring father, then you're just going to have
more and more and more difficult times. My wife and I, we have a small daughter. And
my wife does go and read Facebook groups and things like that for mothers. And she sees
these threads that come up now and then, where some woman is complaining about her husband
who doesn't do anything. He's distant. He's just on his phone. He's just zoning out with
video games. He doesn't help around the house or with the kids or anything like that. And
given that my wife and I are relationship dating coaches, we think about this. And we're
like, "Huh, well, you probably could've seen this coming a little bit, if you looked at
his behavior beforehand." So that's what we're going to be getting into.
This is important for this sort of reason. We want to figure it out sooner rather than
later, after you're in over your head, if this is the kind of guy who can and is able
to give you the kind of life and the kind of relationship that you're looking for. So
let's go ahead and get into this. Now, the first type of guy that is going to
make a very, very difficult partner is someone who is very rigid. Someone who is very inflexible.
Now, of course, if you're wanting to be with a masculine man, yes, you're going to want
to have someone who's willing to take a stand for what he believes in and go after what
he wants and all of that. But any reasonably good guy out there is going to be able to
correct course when things aren't working. He's going to be able to identify, hey, something
here isn't working, maybe we need to correct course, maybe we need to change directions
here, maybe we need to rework something in some sort of way, so that it works with what
is real. Whereas a very rigid person is not going to be able to make that adjustment as
things move forward. They're going to say, "No, I made this decision," whatever, "weeks,
months, years ago. And so, I have to stick with it no matter what." And there is a certain
admirable quality to it, but if you're on the wrong path and if you're going in the
wrong direction, you don't want to be with someone like that.
You want to be with someone who's willing to say, Hey, something here, isn't working.
How can we get back on the right path? How can we find things that are going to make
things work here? Having someone who takes a stand for what's important to them, excellent
quality. But you also have to be able to revise, update, correct course, as you move forward.
Otherwise, you're just going to end up with someone who, potentially, is going to drive
you over a cliff or into someplace that you don't want to go. Or someone who is just not
going to take your opinion into consideration. That's the first type of guy who is, probably,
not going to be the best kind of partner out there.
The second kind of guy is someone who lacks compassion. Now, again, we're living in weird
times, very crazy times. I don't know when you're watching this video, but the time that
I'm making it is in the beginning of 2021. We just got through 2020, really crazy weird
year. Probably one of the weirdest years that any of us will hopefully ever experience.
I don't know how this year is going to go. I don't know what future years are going to
be like, obviously. But 2020 was probably one of the weirdest years in any of our lifetimes.
At least, when you look at big global events. People are going to have emotions that come
up. You are probably going to have emotions that come up. And if you're in a relationship
with someone who is out of touch with their own emotions and they lack compassion for
you, you're not going to be able to get that emotional support. You're not going to be
able to get that kind of support that you might need in a partner.
Now, of course, you shouldn't be getting all of your emotional support from just one partner
anyway. You should, of course, have a social network of friends and things like that that
you can turn to. But you do want your partner to be compassionate. You do want your partner
to be understanding of your emotions. It's not like he has to go in there and fix them.
It's not, he has to go in there and take responsibility for them, for you. But those are not great
mindsets to have either. But he should at least be compassionate towards your emotions
and your feelings, if you want to have a great experience, if you want to go out and have
a good marriage and have a good family or something like that. If you're considering
having children or raising a family together or something. These are good qualities to
have. Children need some compassion. And so too burnt out, exhausted tired parents, at
the end of the day. They might need some compassion. And if you someday fancy yourself as being
a parent, you might want to have a partner that has a little bit of compassion.
The third quality that makes a guy a not so ideal partner, is someone who lacks boundaries.
Now again, we did talk about someone who is rigid and inflexible. These people do have
strong boundaries, like brick wall kind of boundaries here. It is important that someone
does have boundaries. So I'm not saying that you don't want to be with someone who has
boundaries at all. Because boundaries are definitely important. As you go through life,
you're undoubtedly going to be put in crazy, unexpected situations and circumstances. And
you want your guy to be able to stand for what's right, to stand up for you, to stand
for whatever the right thing to do in that moment might be.
Of course, we want to let him be flexible and let him adjust course as need be. But
he should have some boundaries. He should be able to enforce those boundaries. So take
a look at your guy's behavior. Does he have the capacity to have boundaries? Or is he
just going to go with whatever seems like they're least resistance at the time? Which
could, obviously, be a setup for him lying to you in order to smooth things over and
then lying to the next person or to smooth things over. And you don't even know where
he stands. That's not a good setup either. So you want to have a guy that does have boundaries.
The fourth kind of guy who is probably not going to be the best partner for you, is one
who shuts down I'm under stress or pressure. Now again, whenever we're under stress or
pressure, people have their own ways of dealing with it. Some of us just focus in on the problem.
I think that's a really common guy kind of thing to do. And oftentimes, guys don't want
to turn towards you and tell you what's going on until they've figured something out. I
think that's a normal kind of thing. But if he just sort of shuts down, shuts you out,
won't talk to you, because he's stressed, because he's pressured, because something's
going on, then that is a big problem. We've talked about this in many, many, many of the
videos that we've done on this channel. But communication is, obviously, an important
component in having a great relationship. And so, if he is under stress or under pressure,
and he doesn't even have the capacity to say, "Hey, I'm under some stress and I'm under
some pressure, I'm going to just going to need some time to figure this out. Can you
please just give me some time. I'll come back to you when I work through this," that's great.
But if he just says, "Nope, I don't want to talk about it." Or if he just ghosts you entirely,
not going to be a great situation to be in. Just imagine, what is that kind of guy going
to be like as a dad? What's he going to be like with a crying infant? What's he going
to be like with a child who is sick and she throws up on a car seat or something like
that. And suddenly your entire afternoon is thrown out the window. Ask me how that example
ever came up. But yeah, this is something that you want to be on the lookout for, is
does he have the ability to at least, stay in contact with you, still stay synced up
with you in some capacity, when he's under pressure? Or is he just the kind of guy that
just shuts you out, walls you out entirely? A big red flag, in my opinion.
And the kind of guy that is probably not going to make the best partner for most people out
there, is someone who doesn't have the ability to work as a team with his partner. Obviously,
relationships require teamwork. Obviously, any relationship is going to require the two
people involved in the relationship, working together as a team and finding whatever works
for them. If a guy is unable to do this, if he's not open to cooperating, if he's not
open to that, and it's always like my way or the highway, if you can get that rigid
sort of thing, or it's like, "we're only going to do what I want to do," all that sort of
stuff, then that's going to be a problem. It's going to be a problem at some point in
the future. Again, you want a guy who's probably going
to be able to take a stand, step into his masculinity, and all of that. But if he's
not going to work together with you, take whatever your concerns are seriously or anything
like that, it's going to be a really, really rough road. Especially, as you get thrown
into these challenging situations, whether that's actually learning how to have a marriage,
once the luster of a new relationship wears off, whether that's learning how to have family
life, as you step into new parenthood, whether that's dealing with other challenges that
come up, like the loss of a job, or some sort of financial setback or health setback or
something like that. You want to be able to have someone who's going to be able to work
cooperatively with you as a team. Not someone who's like, "I'm just going to do me. You
figure it out." Obviously, we should have our sovereignty and be able to do whatever
we need to do for ourselves. But we should also be able to work together with a partner
as a team in order to support one another and in order to find something that works
to make our dynamic, our relationship work in the long run.
So those are the five guys that I would say are probably going to be more problematic,
when it comes to relationships. What do you think? I know that this is probably a kind
of a controversial topic. So do you agree with me? Do you disagree with me? Do you have
other thoughts? And men, if you're watching this, what do you think? I'm not trying to
throw something at you, but let me know what you think. And at some point in the future,
I'll probably also do the opposite of this video, which is the women that are probably
not going to give you the best kind of relationship out there as well, too. So be on the lookout
for that eventually. So if you think I'm just doing this one-sidedly, don't worry. We'll
do the other side at some point as well too. Anyway, if you do want to learn more about
that dating course, Authentic Dating, there's that link down below. There are those codes
while they're there. If they're not there, then they've already been used up. But feel
free to check that out. Anyway. Thank you so much. Please take care.
Be sure to give this video a thumbs up. If you do want to learn more about the process
of dating, the experience of dating, we do have a video playlist on that, right up there.
Feel free to check it out, right over here. Or please feel free to check out this video
right here. Anyway, please take care. I'll talk to you later.