Thanks for choosing Pizza Hut, how can help you this morning?
DUNKEY: Is this Pizza Hut?
Yes, it is.
DUNKEY: More like Pizza Butt.
Stupid ass, I knew it was you! You dumbass fuck!
DUNKEY: GOTCHA
DUNKEY: And I better get my damn pizza too, I better get it.
LOU: It is a great day here at Pizza Hut, this is Lou how may I help you?
DUNKEY: Heyya lemme get a pep-pepperon-ayy
LOU: I'm sorry?
DUNKEY: Let me get a one pepperone.
LOU: I cannot understand you sir. You want a pepper- one slice of pepperoni? Or you want a pizza pepperoni?
DUNKEY: One pepperone yeah
LOU: I'm sorry?
DUNKEY: Yeah you know (Laughs)
LOU: I'm sorry, I don't know sir. I'm just trying to find out what would you like.
DUNKEY: Oh you know (Laughs)
DUNKEY: You know me (Laughs)
LOU: Who's this?
DUNKEY: This is uh... me
LOU: I'm sorry who?
DUNKEY: This is the me- This is the meat man.
DUNKEY: You know me
LOU: I'm sorry I cannot...
LOU: Who?
DUNKEY: Thank you
LOU: Is this for pick-
LOU: Hello?
DUNKEY: (Chuckle) And I better get it too.
Thank you for choosing Belmont-Kimball Pizza Hut. How may I help you today?
DUNKEY: Hey, lemme get a peetz
DUNKEY: HAHa
DUNKEY: Alright and I better get it too.
We're having a great day on (unintelligible). How are you doing today?
DUNKEY: Hey! Where's my pizza?
Uh... You didn't order anything
DUNKEY: I ordered like two seconds ago.
DUNKEY: Where's my pizza man?
I don't know
DUNKEY: Garlic bread. Umm. Garlic cheese bread.
DUNKEY: Cheese
DUNKEY: Motzerell
Pizza Hut Wing Street.
DUNKEY: Umm... chicken wings
Hello?
DUNKEY: Pizza
DUNKEY: Uhhh, bread sticks.
DUNKEY: Uh, Sprite.
DUNKEY: You get all that?
Yeah, you wanna keep talking?
DUNKEY: Yeaaaus
Here, go ahead man. Just keep talking. Like I'm not going to hang up on you or anything.
DUNKEY: Chicken peetz
You called from a Skype number, dude. (Hangs up)
DUNKEY: Uh, peetzurell
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. How can I help you?
DUNKEY: Hey gimme a weiner pizza. Hoo hoo! And I better get it too.
Pizza Hut, will this be for delivery or carryout?"
DUNKEY: Is this Papa John?
No, this is Pizza Hut
DUNKEY: Alright, put Papa John on.
Uh yeah I don't know the phone number for that
DUNKEY: Alright, put him on.
(Hang up)
DUNKEY: Is this him?
DUNKEY: Hey Papa John, I need a double peetz-
Gamestop, trade in your Smartphones and iDevices for cash or store credit, this is Dave
DUNKEY: Hey
DAVE: Hello
DUNKEY: Dave's Pizza?
DAVE: Dave's Pizza? Yeah. I make-
DUNKEY: Alright
DUNKEY: Put on Papa John, okay?
DUNKEY: 'Cuz i can't trust ya, Dave, I can't trust ya anymore.
You wanna put on Papa John?
DUNKEY: Put on John...
DUNKEY: Yeah.
DAVE: Well that's a whole different number man, you called Dave's Pizza.
DUNKEY: Is this John?
DAVE: This is Dave's Pizza.
DUNKEY: Hey John, get me a side order of chicken wings and two peets...okay?
DAVE: You got- you have to have a main order to get a side order...
DUNKEY: Thank you babay
DUNKEY: I'll see you in ten minutes.
DAVE: Doesn't work like that buddy.
DUNKEY: Is it here?
DAVE: $200...Two-Hundred Dollars.
DUNKEY: $200 okay.
DUNKEY: I'll pay for that extra delivery.
DAVE: Alright yeah be ready in a week.
DUNKEY: Okay thanks.
DUNKEY: Alright soo we took care a' that, now I gotta get the soda.
Hi you've reached Hogan's Heroes & Pizza; our kitchen will be closed umm... July 2nd
DUNKEY: God dammit.
until July 9th, end of holiday.
*array of beeping*
DUNKEY: Oh god It's gonna explode!
*beeping continues*
DUNKEY: Get me outta here!
If you are a Papa John's customer and need technical assistance with an online order...
TONY: Papa John's Operations Call Center this is Tony speaking, how can I help you today?
DUNKEY: Hey I got a pizza and I'm having a problem with this tech- it's a technical problem...
TONY: Okay so you received your pizza? Is that what you're saying?
DUNKEY: Yeah.
TONY: And you you wanna place a complaint about it?
DUNKEY: I don't know how to eat it...
TONY: I'm sorry?
DUNKEY: I don- I don't get how supposed eat it...
DUNKEY: Do you start from the uhh..
TONY: What do you mean by that?
DUNKEY: I mean do you pick up the... Top or the bottom?
DUNKEY: I ju- I donno how ta- I dunno- I dunno how to work this thing.
DUNKEY: I'm gonna be honest, I dunno how to work this thing...
TONY: You don't know how to work...
(Long pause)
TONY: ...pizza?
DUNKEY: Can I get a different one?
TONY: I'm sorry?
DUNKEY: Can I just get a whole- just get me a whole different one? I want a pepperoni this time.
TONY: You'll have to call your store...
DUNKEY: Thank you Papa.
DUNKEY: I'll be looking forward to the pizza that you're gonna send me.
Thank you for calling GameStop (unintelligible) speaking how can I help you
DUNKEY: Hey can I preorder the new Pizza Hut Crazy Crust Pizza?
I mean how much cheese are you bringing? I mean, it really depends...
DUNKEY: uh...
if you don't got the dough, can't give you the pizza
DUNKEY: Well y'know, uh... I would like at least two layers.
Two layers...
DUNKEY: Think you could hook me up?
I might be able to
DUNKEY: GameStop?
Yes
DUNKEY: This is Papa John's...
GameStop.
DUNKEY: Papa John's
DUNKEY: Papa John's.
DUNKEY: I'm calling 'em back...
Thank you for calling GameStop
DUNKEY: It's Papa John's, not GameStop (Laughter)
Old Spaghetti Factory, this is Amanda how may I help you?
DUNKEY: Hey is this Spaghetti Factory?
AMANDA: It sure is
DUNKEY: Hey is this Papa John's now? I changed my mind.
AMANDA: I'm sorry?
DUNKEY: Is this Papa John's?
AMANDA: No it's the Old Spaghetti Factory.
DUNKEY: (Wheezing laughter) You're joking me right? There ain't no Old spaghet- you know, you can't- There ain't no Old Spaghetti Factory right? This is Papa John's?
AMANDA: Nope! (DUNKEY LAUGHS) this is the Old Spaghetti Factory, Sir.
DUNKEY: (laughing) That's a good one John
DUNKEY: (laughing) You got the best jokes John... Nah for real though, give me a- give me a pepperoni
DUNKEY: Pepperoni Pizza
AMANDA: I'm sorry sir, I think you have the wrong number.
DUNKEY: (Laughter) I see what you're saying (Laughter) yeah just give me one pepperone. Yep.
AMANDA: Sir I'm sorry.
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 1: Thank you for calling Old Spaghetti Factory this is Amy how can I help you?
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 2: Spaghetti Factory how can I help you?
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 1: Pardon me?
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 2: This is the Old Spaghetti Factory..?
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 1: Yes!
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 2: Can I help you?
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 1: Sorry?
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 2: Can I help you?
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 1: You just called me.
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 2: I didn't call anybody.
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 1: Oh! I just answered the phone (awkward laughter)
OLD SPAGHETTI FACTORY 2: Okay.
DUNKEY: You guys are in love now!
Pepperoni pizza and chicken wings?
DUNKEY: (whispered) Yeah but don't
What size do you want the pizza?
DUNKEY: (Whispered) I just want- I want a real big pizza, but don't tell me wife about the chicken wings okay? Thanks Papa John's
DUNKEY: Hello is this Papa John's?
No..?
DUNKEY: Fuck you.
DUNKEY: (Music Playing) Ey.
Hello?
DUNKEY: (Music Playing) Ey.
Who is this? (MUSIC PAUSES)
DUNKEY: (Musically) I'm callin' Pizza Huuut
(MUSIC RESUMES)
No, this isn't Pizza Hut
DUNKEY: (musically) I'm callin' Papa John's
No, this is not Papa John's, this is Domino's
DUNKEY: *SHARP INHALE*
(MUSIC PAUSES)
DUNKEY: (Musically) I'm calling Pizza Huuut
(MUSIC RESUMES)
Hello?
DUNKEY: HEY
Yo, I'm Spongebob
DUNKEY: HEY
What's up?
(MUSIC PAUSES)
DUNKEY: (Musically) I'm callin' Pizza Huuut
(MUSIC RESUMES)
DUNKEY: This is John?
JOSH: Josh.
DUNKEY: John.
JOSH: What can I do for ya?
DUNKEY: This is John, right?
JOSH: Josh.
DUNKEY: John?
JOSH: JOSH. J-O-S-H.
DUNKEY: John.
JOSH: Do you have any questions I can help you with or..?
DUNKEY: Is this John?
JOSH: Yes, it's John.
SEAN: This is Sean how may I help you?
DUNKEY: John?
SEAN: Sean?
DUNKEY: John.
SEAN: Sean.
DUNKEY: John.
DANA: This is Dana.
DUNKEY: John?
DANA: Dana.
DUNKEY: John.
DANA: Can I- can I help you with something?
DUNKEY: This John?
DANA: No, this is Gamestop.
DUNKEY: John.
DANA: Yup.
DUNKEY: Hey John-
JONATHAN: ...Xbox One or Ps4; this is Jonathan how can I help you?
DUNKEY: JOHN?!
JONATHAN: Yes.
DUNKEY: HOLY SHIT!