hey guys welcome back I just wanted to make this quick video and post it for
you because I had someone messaged me this week on Facebook and he asked the
question of you know the intimacy and his relationship has just kind of
dwindled and he wanted some advice and tips on how to get it back to maybe a
the way it once was so I don't really know the situation in his relationship
so in my mind I'm thinking of two different scenarios one scenario one is
you know a couple that are married and they have kids and they just don't
really feel like they have the time always to be intimate because their
lives are so so busy at the stage of their relationship and then scenario
number two would be the couple that Meeny they don't have kids or they're a
little bit older and their kids have grown up or whatever and the basically
they have time to be intimate and they're still not intimate so I'm gonna
go over both scenarios so scenario one for the couples that have young children
or just children in general and the kids have busy lives and schedules and they
don't always put in the time with each other you know this is something that's
so common in relationships and it's because you know we love our kids so
much that we give so much to our children and they a hundred percent
deserve it but we sometimes forget to kind of give to ourselves and to give to
our partners and I know I'm a mother and I know hands down I can feel that guilt
for wanting to do something for myself or not do something for my son because
I'm putting myself first at times and I think that that just can come with the
territory but the reality is is that when you're not taking care of your
relationship with your husband and your wife your spouse when you're not you
know taking care of yourself it is affecting your kids you know even though
when we're young and we see our parents kissing or doing whatever we're like oh
that's gross but at the end of the day all children want is to see their
parents have that connection with each other you know when they become adults
they look back and say oh my god my parents were crazy about each other and
like you know once a week they went on a date
or once a month they went on a date or whatever it is that works for you your
relationship and your family but your children see that you put your
relationship as a priority because it is you know they may not think it's amazing
in the time right at the time you know they might think it's disgusting that
you guys are holding hands or hugging or flirting in the kitchen or something
like that but you know when they look back on your
relationship it's something that they're gonna want in their own relationship
remember the kids are not just learning by what we tell them they're learning by
what they see so if they see that mommy and daddy are never you know connecting
or never making themselves a priority by going out and having a date night then
they'll it's just a pattern then they may do the same as well and we don't
want that for our kids and we don't want it for ourselves you know we want to
have that intimacy back with our partner and we need to make it a priority so if
you're a woman and you need to feel you know sexy and attractive like when
you're going to be intimate with your husband or partner then you need to give
yourself time to get there and or to you know get yourself ready so you feel
amazing and if you're a man and maybe you feel unattractive because you put on
a few pounds you need to make it a priority it's you work out and go to the
gym and it doesn't mean that you're neglecting the kids it just means you're
making yourself a priority and again this isn't something that we're gonna do
all the time every day it's just about as much as you can consciously making a
decision to put your relationship up on that priority list so you can have that
intimacy back in your relationship the second scenario is the couple that has
all the time in the world and they're still not intimate with each other and
this is very very common you know either if we didn't have children or were just
an older couple and the one thing that I always tell couples is you know when
you've been with someone for so long obviously parts of the relationship that
you have now are not the same as the way it was in the very beginning and it's
about getting back to that so one of the things that I see often with couples
that just there's no passion love anything there it's the
respect it's they're not on the same page it's the communication isn't the
way it should be you know we don't just have you know a physical relationship
with our partner it's emotional as well and for women it's probably more
emotional than it is for men but men it is - you know no man wants to be
intimate with a woman that doesn't respect him or make him feel like a man
so one of the things that I would suggest is and we can't focus on our
partners right like we can't change our partners we can only change ourselves so
what I want you to do in this situation is if you're in a relationship and you
notice that the intimacy is lacking or it's completely gone you need to ask
yourself what are you doing that's different than what you did in the
beginning of your relationship when the intimacy was spot-on and it was amazing
and you know what was happening more often definitely than it's happening
right now like what did you what are you doing right now that you're not doing
that you used to do you know like we get so comfortable with our partners that we
often don't do something as simple as just being thankful for them and what I
mean by thankful for them I mean literally saying thank you so you know
if your husband just worked a full day and he gets home honey thank you so much
for working full day like I know you probably had a tough commute and I can't
imagine like what a stressful day you must have had like I just wanted to say
like thank you so much for taking care of the family you know or if you're a
man and you come home from a full day work and your house is destroyed because
you have two or three kids or even one kid and your wife's home all day with
the children thank you honey like I can't imagine what it must be like to be
cooped up in the house all day you know you went grocery shopping and the kids
were probably you know going through that you know four o'clock madness that
all kids go through just thank you so much for holding down the for and taking
care of us the way you do and raising the kids the way you do and just all of
that stuff that we should be saying to each other I think that we don't do that
often for each other and being respectful of each other and so you know
if you're lacking some intimacy in your relationship then it's time to do the
things that you did in the beginning the relationship that brought that intimacy
out in yourself and in your partner so if you're a guy you can't just walk
through the door and you know expect your spouse or a wife or girlfriend or
whatever to just give it to you like there's work involved and you did the
work in the beginning in the relationship so it's time to get back to
that because it's what she needs to feel attracted to you so she'll want to be
intimate with you and same thing with a woman you know if your husband or
boyfriend is not you know as intimate as he once was you know are you doing the
things that you did in there were being into the relationship are you so
thankful for the little things that he does for you you know do tell him thank
you do you make him feel like a man you know every guy wants to be with a woman
that not only supports them but makes them feel like a man that's like so
important for them and are you doing that for him so that would be my advice
to getting your relationship back to the way it used to be and most often when I
have coached couples and I asked them you know what
what has changed you know what are the things that you did in the beginning of
the relationship and they'll list it off they said well you know every now and
then I would bring flowers home or every now and then I would you know make his
favorite meal or whatever it is that used to really be the things that hit
home for your partner they admit that they don't do it now you know they
almost like take the other person for granted and then want the same perks or
benefits of the relationship that they had in the beginning and it doesn't work
that way it takes work so do the things that you need to be doing to get your
partner and your relationship back to where you want it to be so I hope that
helped everyone out there that's either dealing with the same issue and I hope
the viewer is watching this video as well and let me know if you guys have
any comments or questions don't forget to hit subscribe and I will see you next
week
you