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During 2020, we were either stuck indoors quarantined,
or we were outside protesting. There was no in between.
In fact, sometimes, I couldn't separate the two.
I'd be home going, "What do I want? Breakfast!
When do I want it? Now!"
It seemed like the year
of everyone saying, "Enough is enough"
and taking it to the streets.
Let's start with the biggest movement of them all,
Black Lives Matter.
In the wake of George Floyd's murder,
Americans took to the street to tell cops,
"Hey, what if you stop killing
the people you were supposed to protect?"
But in response to people asking cops
not to the beat their asses,
a lot of cops started beating asses.
MAN: They kept hitting me,
and he eventually hit my hand and broke it.
I needed to stay as calm as possible.
I had no idea what these guys were capable of.
Damn, he didn't even flinch.
These cops are so stupid.
Not because they're trying to beat up an unarmed man,
but if a hit a man that hard with a baton
and he just stood there, I wouldn't keep hitting him.
I'd be like, "Shit, this man is a terminator. Run!"
But while many Black Lives Matter protesters
got their ass beat,
some protestors showed us their whole ass.
NEWSMAN: Naked Athena captured the imagination of Americans
when she staged a full-frontal protest
before armed federal agents in Portland.
Social media is calling this goofy bitch Naked Athena.
If this woman was Black, we'd be calling her arrested.
The (bleep) are you talking about?
These 2020 protests ran the full spectrum,
from Black Lives Matter, where people were fighting
for their right to live,
to the protest against lockdown and face masks,
where people were fighting for their right to die.
And we've all seen the clips of COVID Karens
losing their shit in a Target or Whole Foods
for having to wear a mask.
But one of my favorite moments
proved that not every Karen was a woman.
The mask wars rage on.
A dad loses it in a store after being told to cover up.
The man's son literally picks him up
and carries him right out of the store.
I'll beat that (bleep) mask off your face,
and I'll (bleep).
(bleep) pussies.
You're all a bunch of pussies wearing masks!
Your own son carried you out?
You can't call someone else a pussy
when you're being carried out
by the person that came out of your balls.
Why are you all so pissed off about masks?
Even the naked bitch kept her mask on.
And look, I can understand not wanting to cover
a beautiful, symmetric face.
I mean, look at your girl. (chuckles)
But there's a deadly global pandemic
ravaging the country.
Plus, it's impossible to do a beauty routine
under a ventilator.
So, even if I survive, I'd look ashy as (bleep),
in which case, what was the point?
Protests have been such a huge part of 2020
that after the election,
Americans started protesting stuff that didn't even happen.
So, the Trump stans took to the street,
demanding that they stop the count.
(chanting): Stop the count!
Or count all the votes.
(chanting): Count the votes!
Or count some of all the votes, then stop the count.
You know, it really depended on who you asked,
which is not an effective protest.
It would be like Black Lives Matter going,
"Stop killing us! Except for DeSean!
He ain't shit anyway!"
But by far, my favorite election fraud protester
was this dude.
The Biden crime family is stealing the election!
The media's covering up!
The Biden crime family's stealing this election!
The media's covering it up!
The Biden crime family is stealing the election.
The media's covering it up!
We want our freedom for the world!
Okay, that guy needs a chill pill and some sleeves,
because right now, the only results
he looks fit to dispute are a wet T-shirt contest.
And listen, Freedom Seymour Hoffman,
if you want me to believe you
while you're interrupting a press conference,
I have to be convinced
you came to interrupt the press conference,
not that it was a side errand
on your way to pick up some chewing tobacco.
But it wasn't all bad at the protests in 2020.
There was that one Saturday when Trump officially lost,
and for once this year,
we saw protests inspired by happiness.
People took to the streets for something good,
and I wasn't ready.
I had a brick in one hand
and a Molotov cocktail in the other,
so I didn't know what to do.
So I just made 'em kiss.
And one guy got so excited,
he even celebrated in two languages.
(speaking French)
And I think France is beautiful.
I ate escargot.
I love a croissant. (chuckles gutturally)
I love an omelette du fromage. (chuckles)
We've come full circle,
because this feels racist against white people.
Almost.
French people are way more
than just escargot and croissants.
They also love baguettes.
So, yeah, this dude was being mildly racist,
but he's got a nice torso
and he's happy about Biden winning.
So, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna show him my anger with a naked protest of my own.
(accordion playing)