For most INFJs, especially the ones that don’t have much life experience yet,
feeling unable to stand up for themselves is nothing new. Often convincing themselves that
they’re being dismissive or rude, INFJs are no stranger to uncomfortable conversations
that they don’t know how to leave, or avoiding speaking up when someone assumes something about
them that isn’t true.. And although it irks them, most INFJs don’t know how to stop it.
Welcome or welcome back Psych-o! Today’s video is all about the crucial steps an
INFJ needs to take to effectively stand up for themselves. Before we start, have you liked and
subscribed to our channel? Go ahead.. And be sure to click the notification bell while you’re there,
so that you never miss a video! Alright, jumping right into
the video, starting with.. Number 1: Be Awkward & Proud
One of the main reasons the INFJ avoids speaking up for themselves in certain situations
is because they simply don’t have enough time to get their point across as precisely
as they’d like. The perfectionist INFJ will most likely prefer to have adequate time to decipher
and then communicate how they really feel. And so, practising to stand up for themselves in the
heat of the moment is all about granting themselves permission to be awkward.
Sure, INFJs may not communicate their thoughts exactly how they want the first few go-arounds,
but the empowerment that comes from standing their ground will be the driving force to keep trying.
However, this transition is certainly not easy for the INFJ to make. In fact, first the INFJ
must convince themselves that they’re not only doing themselves justice by being assertive, but
also that most people actually respect the idea of standing up for ones-self. They need to overcome
feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem to know that what they need to say has a right to be said.
It may be awkward, but at least being assertive shows a level of strength and dignity that are
much louder than any slip-up. Plus, usually once an INFJ chooses to stand their ground, their
viewpoints actually come with some fascinating insights that others would never have considered.
Number 2: Pick A Side
Another key reason INFJs often feel hesitant to stand up for themselves and what they believe in
is because they quite frankly don’t even know where they stand. INFJs can easily decipher good
from evil using more than just logical analysis, however, life isn’t always so cut and dry.
In reality, the INFJs most dominant introverted intuition function makes it difficult for
them to narrow down to one perspective. They naturally see multiple facets on every issue,
while simultaneously holding conceptual frameworks in their minds. And so, even
if an INFJ can clearly see where they stand, they can also see the motives of the people who stand
in the opposite lane, which makes it difficult to expect other people to take them seriously.
Many INFJs actually sense this from a young age, which comes with the realization that most people
don’t see the world through the same lenses as the INFJ does. As a result, this introverted type
learns to hide certain aspects of their beliefs and viewpoints in fear of being misunderstood.
Often enough, this includes staying silent when they have a different viewpoint than the person
we’re talking with.. But not anymore INFJs! If you want to speak up, then you have to
know where you stand. For INFJs, though, that doesn’t necessarily mean picking just one side.
Since an INFJs thoughts can involve multiple, sometimes contradictory ideas,
standing up for themselves may just come down to admitting they don’t have just one opinion.
This says a lot more than just staying silent and seemingly opinionless.
Number 3: Get Comfortable With Boundary Setting
Ohh boundaries.. The one thing most INFJs need in their lives, and also the most difficult for
this empathetic type to master. If you’re an INFJ yourself, you’ve probably heard it time and time
again, ‘set boundaries around your empathetic nature’, ‘set boundaries around your willingness
to help others’ ‘set boundaries around your time and need for solitude’.. But this simple
concept is much easier said than done. INFJs can expect serious push-back from some people,
which is the one thing this balanced type despises above all else. They hate to stir the pot,
but for the sake of their mental sanity, it’s only necessary. Whether it’s setting boundaries around
personal time in family life, or simply telling a boss that they’re overloaded with work, INFJs need
to know that it really is okay to prioritize their needs as much as they do the people around them.
In fact, setting boundaries is the only way the people around the INFJ will be able to witness
the INFJ in their fullest capabilities, with no burnout or unnecessary obligations required.
Learning to set boundaries not only takes serious courage but also challenges the INFJ specifically
to ditch their people-pleasing ways. Yet, once it’s mastered, boundaries can be one of the most
important aspects to an INFJs life satisfaction. Number 4: Say What You Mean & Mean What You Say
INFJs are normally quite decisive in nature. Yet, contrary to this decisive nature, this analytical
type often gets the bad rap of being indecisive and unsure when communicating to others.
In reality, the INFJ almost always knows how they feel about a situation,
but they’re not always keen on expressing it. This gives the impression that they’re maybe
beating around the bush, not exactly confident to say exactly what they mean. Whether they’re
hesitant to hurt someone’s feelings, or they’re weary about being misunderstood,
INFJs can spend a great deal of time trying to find the least offensive way of communicating
their opinions and needs. For example, if a friend of an INFJ is expecting too much time with them,
instead of simply saying ‘I actually need a little more space within the friendship’,
INFJs may say something like ‘Ugh, works been so busy, I’m so ready for a day to myself’ or ‘Man,
I feel like we’ve spent everyday together, our families probably miss us!’ They may say something
along the lines of how they’re feeling, but in order to spare the feelings of their friend,
they won’t exactly be direct. But, people don’t read between the lines like the INFJ does,
and sometimes this observant type can forget that. In fact, they can go weeks dropping
these hints without any results, until they reach a tipping point of no return. And so,
by dealing with conflicts as they come up, INFJs actually help preserve the harmony they’re so
keen on. It’s much better to “stand up for yourself” the first time than to wait until
it’s such a big issue that you blow up over it. This is why expressing themselves through their
feelings becomes critical to their psychological well-being. The trick is to confess these feelings
with confidence, assertiveness and kindness. Number 5: Choose The Appropriate Time & Moment
People talk for the sake of talking, and as a result, they set boundaries without
really meaning to. However, small-talk and one-off remarks don't sit well with the INFJ.
For this empathetic personality type, communicating boundaries may be easiest to do
in their most desired conversational-setting - the deep conversation. INFJs crave to
connect with people on a more profound and intellectual level, and sometimes that’s the
main reason communicating boundaries can be so daunting. Without explaining themselves or
backing up their opinions by communicating their introspections, an INFJ can feel like they’ve done
their opinions a disjustice. They don’t want to say something truthful and close to their hearts
only to have the other person shut down. In a deeper conversation however, INFJs leave
the playing field open for feedback, challenging opinions and alternate viewpoints, which can be
beneficial to both parties. Sure, it’s not always possible to have the most ideal time and setting,
but for more complex relationships and deeply set standards such as friends and family, starting
a conversation surrounding the INFJs concern is the way to go. And that doesn’t necessarily mean
it has to be done in person either; sometimes, a simple email, text or voicemail can do the trick.
Whatever it may be, once the conversation is on an INFJs terms, it can be much easier
to navigate communicating their feelings, no snarky remarks or regrettable comments needed!
Well, that's it for today’s video, PSYCH-Os! So, when's the last time
you were tested to stand up for yourself as an INFJ? Also, don’t forget to leave us a like,
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