what was that I'm sorry I can't I'm 90% sure he doesn't like me of course he does unless he's
an idiot and you wouldn't crush on an idiot would you I am an idiot hey hey hey what's with all the
negative self-talk she's an idiot no you're a smart confident girl not when I'm around him he
literally doesn't like me how could anybody not like you I'm annoying she is you're wonderful
no it's true I'm annoying I shuffle my feet I put ketchup on everything I say I can twerk
but I can't well he's going to have to learn to appreciate all these things if he doesn't
then he's not the guy for you he is the guy from me you know sometimes when a guy says a girl is
annoying it means he actually really likes her why girls are supposed to be the complicated
one okay you okay huh you seem distracted oh um tell her to mind her own business I can't
do that then tell her the 80s called they want their jacket back oh my god don't do that it
goes against everything your mother has taught you always be nice you never know what battles
people are fighting Thanks I'm fine I like your shoulder pads that was insincere you guys aren't
helping I need him to like me what should I do start with one small thing what be yourself no
that's not good advice why don't be yourself that's boring be someone you're not like who
whoever whatever guys want I don't know what he wants he wants who you really are okay so how
do I do that how do I be myself I can't believe you're listening to him start with a smile no
smiling is bad why you are too approachable when you smile isn't that good no guys want
hard to get they want to feel like they've earned something smiling doesn't give them that you're
complicating things a smile can change anything really smile in the world will smile with you
thanks for inviting me this is a wonderful idea I love picnics me too and the weather sure is
nice sometimes I like to just look up at the clouds I do as well but why look at the clouds
when I can look at you you're so sweet you make me smile oh look clouds what if my smile is not
enough it's not it looks like a moron when you smile so what then you need to work on her looks
like how like look better she's perfect the way she is if she wants to impress her mom guys at
school see you differently you need makeup so like how much do I put on a lot makeup is just
hiding your true self no guy wants your true self you want to show you true self here flash little
skin guys want supermodel not reality supermodel okay hello hi do you come here often well this
is my locker so yeah I like it Thanks do you want to walk me the class sure what do you
have french I can't that's not me that's the point covering up who you are is not
the answer but what if I'm not pretty enough how you look isn't important it's what's inside you
that matters oh my god this is not advice this is sabotage trust me trust yourself you're a
funny girl guys don't want funny they want hot then those aren't the guys for you they're the
only guys out there let your personality shine through and you'll end up with the man of your
dreams well I guess i'm funny sometimes hey how's everybody doing tonight nice-looking
crowd I'm really excited today having such a good day so I was in math and we were working
on this problem from the textbook and my name was in it have you ever had that if Zoe could hike 23
miles in four and a half hours how fast was she traveling I was famous everybody looked at me when
the teacher read it out I was like yeah except nobody got it right so now everybody hates me
anybody here taking chemistry anybody got mr. Anderson have you ever noticed how much he farts
in class oh my god one time I had to stay after class and it was like I had a private tutor get it
tutor on a happier note I just got my braces off and now my teeth are nice and straight but it's
not all good see I never flossed when I had my braces it was hard and now I have this weird gum
disease and my breath stinks well technically it's not my breath is just the fungus growing inside my
mouth sorry I don't have a punch line to that you suck you're wonderful what if he doesn't like my
personality like what if I say something stupid exactly the less you say the better she should
be free to say whatever she wants she should have something where she doesn't have to say
anything like what you should injure yourself what no I'm serious self-mutilation is not the
answer what do you mean you should break your arm or your leg you'll be in crutches or wheelchair
you have all this attention he'll feel sorry for you have sympathy that is just another life she
can't fake an injury who says she has to fake it ow oh my goodness are you ok it's my leg don't
speak don't speak I'll carry you thank you ugh don't worry you're safe with me oh my gosh my
leg I'm so sorry I'll carry you this is getting weird that's because I'm weird he'll never like
me why am I so obsessed you need to avoid the lies so what should I do try singing what you're
a beautiful singer that's the biggest lie so far she's right I can't sing of course you can
sing everyone can sing everyone can commit social suicide singing not everybody a song is the best
way to tell people how you feel the Beatles Elvis Lionel Richie they've all done it but my voice
you've got a beautiful voice even if even if but what about it doesn't matter just sing just sing
excuse me can I borrow your eraser yeah sure you can borrow my eraser but it comes with
my heart you don't have to return it because this is the star you can't erase my love you
can't erase my love you know what I think I'll just borrow from someone else oh okay
sometimes a song in your heart needs to stay there I agree I can't sing okay fine you're
not perfect but nobody is yeah but she's really not perfect it's okay to let him see your flaws
there's nothing wrong with that flaws make us human flaws make us ugly you need to hide them
as deep as you can flaws are endearing they help us connect just think if he knows all your flaws
and still wants you you know you've found your soulmate it will creep him out it will
make him feel better about his own flaws he'll open up to you you'll find connection really
yeah I just want you to know I'm not perfect who is there's just a few things I wanted to
tell sure like what like sometimes I forget to say thank you okay that's fine I forget to do
that too sometimes I forget to wash my hands okay on purpose I'm not judging you and when I get ice
cream I still got little kids flavours like bubble gum who doesn't have a guilty pleasure is that all
there's more I'm sure it can't be that bad I chew with my mouth open I talk during movies
and ruin it for everyone and I'm scared to take off my band-aid that's fine I have some flaws
of my own mine are worse I don't floss I pop my zits I drool in my sleep I bite my toenails
I eat food off the floor I let my dog lick in my mouth I pick my nose and eat it I stick my
finger in my belly button and I smell it no you cannot be doing this oh my gosh thank you let's
just keep our flaws to ourselves you're right that was not helping with my self-confidence
we'll go back to lying okay no you can still be honest with him honesty is overrated give
it a chance it won't work what about straight talk no guys love straight talk no no no no now
they understand it there's no mixed-messages you just walk up to him and say I like you know you
can never tell him that you like him that makes you too vulnerable you need to be protected with
sarcasm and jokes and cheesy pick-up lines that goes against everything your mother has taught
you exactly cheesy pick-up lines really yeah guys use them all the time it's only natural that it'll
work okay so like what well for example hey do you like my new shirt yeah it's nice guess what
it's made out of girlfriend material hey I seem to lost my library card but can I check you out
is everything okay yeah I've just seemed lost my phone number can I have yours hi my name is
Zoey but you can call me any time this is humiliating what is wrong with just being
honest if you're going to be honest you have to lie about it what like walk up to him and
say hey my friends dared me to ask you out they did yeah but I wasn't going to because I knew
you'd say no right look if you're going to lie it has to be an innocent little white lie like
what like walk up to him in the hall and oops let me get that for you oh my god you watch way too
many 80s movies you need to think more modern set up a fake snapchat account and stalk him
who's Dylan he's your other fake account duh he sends you late-night text oh this
is crazy you're building a relationship on a lie once the truth comes out all trust
will be broken and everything is going to end whatever it's not like she's getting
married you never know where these things might lead oh my god don't
put so much pressure on her she just needs to have some fun you guys what should I do
just ask him out (2x)
you both agree I guess so just ask him out just like that sure why not will that work
one of two things will happen he'll say yes and your awkward dream will come true or he'll say
no when you'll instantly hate them either way you're off the fence but how do I that's hard
it's like your band-aid pull it off quickly it won't hurt as much but it'll still hurt just do it
I can do this yes that a girl I'll just walk right up to him and ask him do you
want to go out with me in real life in real life when tomorrow it will be legendary hey
your Owen's friend right yeah where is he he moved what yeah yesterday was his
last day you're Zoey right yeah why he talked about you he did What did he say
he wanted to talk to you he was kind of shy he was yeah he had a crush on you