What did the DJ name her two sons?... Eric and Ricky. Hey, I'm Tay the Atypical Aspie
and I'm here today to talk with you about autistic traits and how they present in females.
Autism can present itself socially, but females are naturally more social creatures. And so
we learn how to abide by the rules in our social environment and we can camouflage or
mask. And honestly that's part of the reason that females are so under-diagnosed. To mask
or camouflage is to cover up how you would normally interact with someone else by taking
on different characteristics that you notice other people are doing. So, for example, in
situations where I'm talking to somebody I'm not super familiar with, I don't like making
eye contact. I don't actually hear the words that are being said when I make eye contact
when I make eye contact with someone, so I find different places on the face to focus
that's not the eyes, but it still looks like I'm making eye contact. So, I'm masking my
desire to just be like, looking off in the distance while I'm talking to someone, which
actually helps me listen to you. And I'm trying to appear more socially normal by pretending
like I'm making eye contact. That's an example of masking or camouflaging. What I want to
do today, I recreated a chart that I found when I was in the process of getting my diagnosis
that really opened my eyes to how autism can present differently in females. I think that
this chart originally came from Rudy Simone in one of their books and I'll have to, I'll
put a link to that in the description. This was originally posted on help4aspergers.com,
which is no longer an active site, but I love this chart. The only copy that I can find
online is blurry and hard to read, and so I reformatted it and made it colorful and
shortened the descriptions a little bit so that it all fits in one easy-to-digest page.
And that's what I'm going to be reading off of today. But this did not originally come
from me. It came from, I believe, Rudy Simone. And I'm just going to add my tid bits to it
as I walk you through it today. Alright, so we're gonna start over here with Appearance
and Personal Habits. So, first of all, you might notice if you're an autistic female,
that you prefer to dress more comfortably. Now this doesn't mean that you don't wear
heels and that type of thing, but you might just naturally gravitate towards T-shirts,
or comfortable jeans, or sensible shoes. You might spend less time on grooming and upkeep.
I hate caring for my hair. I remember in college one of my roommates was like, "Why are you
brushing your hair like that?" I just didn't know. You might have an eccentric personality
and/or appearance. You might come across as young for your age in your preferences, appearances,
and tastes. I'm 32 and people still call me sweetie, sugar, honey...I hate it. But I think
I just come across as younger in a lot of ways. Autistic females are usually more expressive
than autistic males, so that's one way that it appears that we "might not be autistic"
to the outside world. It's like, "Oh, you're so expressive and social." But again, that
can be part of the camouflaging and masking that I was talking about earlier. You might
also have androgynous traits but a feminine appearance. You might camouflage socially,
and you may lack a sense of personal identity. So for me, I realized whenever I would take
personality tests and stuff, because I love taking those, it would always be based on,
maybe like the people I had been around most recently, or the latest movie I had seen or
TV show because I had a hard time pinpointing who exactly I was, and I still do. Because
I naturally just kind of take on other people's characteristics and camouflage. You might
retreat into reading and/or TV and movies. You might manage your stress with rules, disciplines
and routines. That is me. And you're probably happiest at home or other controlled environments.
My happy place is on my couch or in my bed under my weighted blanket. And give me my
cats. Ok, let's hop over to Intellect, Education and Vocation. You might have been considered
gifted, shy or sensitive when young. My psychologist says, let's replace sensitive with responsive.
You might have overt or covert learning deficits. I wrote covert on there. That was for me because
I feel like I have plenty of learning deficits but my teachers were never aware of them,
because I hid them really well. Often musical or artistic. I am a professional flute player,
and I love playing the piano. As a hobby I collect all of the instruments. I have a purple
saxophone, a djembe, an ocarina, a guitar, I have a ukulele, I have a piccolo. Yeah.
I don't know what system of counting I'm using on my hands but I have a lot of instruments.
You may have a savant skill or another strong talent. You may gravitate towards computers
and technology or writing, languages and psychology. I feel like I could give myself a degree in
psychology because I study so much of it just out of compulsion. You also might have many
self-taught skills. You may be highly educated but struggle with social aspects of school.
I always had so much anxiety in college about...I wouldn't join a sorority because I just did
not understand...I didn't understand it. You might have a partial degree or two. You can
be really confident about a course of study and then change your mind and do something
else completely and be really passionate about that. That element of myself drives me crazy.
You might have trouble staying employed or finding work. I have had so many different
jobs over the years. I've been a cupcake baker and opened my own bakery in my house. I've
been a flute teacher. I've been a substitute teacher. I've been a fitness instructor, a
lot of things. You might be slow to comprehend some things due to cognitive issues. That
may or may not be apparent to other people. But for me, in conversations if somebody tells
a joke, I feel that I might be one of the last people to actually understand that joke.
But I'll go ahead and laugh just to make it look like I'm part of the conversation. You
might prefer written rather than verbal instructions. Whenever teachers would tell me to remember
something, like in college, I wrote everything. I typed every single word I my computer. I
needed everything in writing. You might have obsessions that are less obvious than males
who have autism spectrum disorder. Special interest is a pretty significant characteristic
for autistic people in general. And women might be more able to camouflage that and
make it appear less intense. Like you're not going to be in a room full of trains all day
every day. And I know that's a little bit stereotypical. Ok, let's go to Emotional and
Physical. You might be emotionally immature or sensitive. For me I'm very sensitive...
or "responsive." You might have frequent anxiety and/or fear. That's me. So much anxiety, especially
in grade school and high school... and college...and adulthood...and parenthood. You might be more
open to discussing feelings than ASD males. You might strong sensory issues or be prone
to overwhelm. I'm really picky about what I eat because I don't like the textures of
certain foods. I get overwhelmed by really soft touch and it makes me really mad. You
might be prone to depression, or you may have been diagnosed as bipolar or manic depressive
instead of labeling it as "autism." So if you had other diagnoses, like for me, in the
past I was diagnosed "OCD" and "ADHD." I still think the ADHD is really fitting, but I think
the OCD was more ASD in general. So you might have had other diagnoses that don't really
seem to fit. You might be super sensitive to medication. That's me. And anything you
put in or on your body. That's me. And my psychologist has said that often times autistic
people can have paradoxical effects with medication. So if something is supposed to work one way,
it might work the complete opposite way for you. So weird. Another thing that nine out
of ten autistic people, I saw that statistic somewhere, I'll have to find that and dig
that up...Nine out of ten autistic people have some type of gastrointestinal issue.
Stomach issues when you eat certain foods, indigestion, acid reflux, that kind of stuff.
You might stim to soothe when you're agitated. A lot of people think of autism as hand flapping,
but for me, stimming is...I constantly move my fingers and tap on things, which I kind
of got away with because I was a band nerd. I also click my teeth. I just go back and
forth with my teeth in my mouth. Nobody else knows I'm doing it but I do it constantly.
And then when I was in grade school, I blinked all the time. You might be prone to temper
tantrums or crying meltdowns in public. It's not necessarily because you're being dramatic.
It's just because you're overwhelmed by all of the sensory information you're processing.
You also might be very physical when you're happy. I love dancing. I dance all the time.
My mother-in-law got me a sign for the kitchen that says, "In this kitchen, we dance." You
might hate injustice and being misunderstood. It can often incite anger in you. I know we
should all hate injustice, but there's just a certain element of it, especially for autistic
people because we're so used to being misunderstood, that it just enrages us. You can also be prone
to mutism when stressed. Mutism means you shut down and you don't talk. And you may
have a unique vocal quality or you might speak in monotone. It might be hard to believe right
now, but a lot of times, when I'm processing things I'm just very monotone and I talk like
this (flat) and I don't have much facial expression. And for a while, I've been married for almost
11 years now, but for a while that was kind of an issue in our marriage. Because my husband
was like, "I don't know what you're feeling. I don't know what you're thinking. You seem
like you're very put off or removed from the situation. And I'll be like, "No, I don't
know what you're talking about. I know exactly what you said and I care about this very deeply."
Or I can also be really expressive! Okay, so the last column, Social and Relationships...Like
I said, your words and your actions might often be misunderstood. We tend to have our
own mental landscape that is just so different from what other people experience. And actually
communicating our experiences can be very difficult. You might be perceived to be cold-natured
or self-centered. Again in my marriage, I seem cold and removed sometimes because my
brain is way out there and I'm processing everything while someone's trying to talk
to me, and that can seem like I'm being cold, when really I'm just trying to stay up-to-speed
in the conversation. You might be shy or mute. I was unbelievable shy all throughout grade
school, high school, and any extra-curricular activity I was a part of. But I loved being
on stage. I loved leading things. Because I think that social interaction of I know
what my role is. I'm talking and you listen. I understand that and I don't have to wait
for the back-and-forth of conversation, and so I really like being in a leadership role
because I understand what's expected of me. You might not go out much or you might prefer
to only go out with your partner. That's me. I fought that for a long time, and now I just
say "no" to a lot of social events. I try to limit my social events to one outing per
week. It's hard to do that, especially when you have kids. Because then you have to start
friending your kid's friend's moms, and that's really hard. You might get fired up when talking
about your passions or special interests, like me, making this Youtube channel about
autism just because I love talking about it. You might prefer to spend time with animals.
I have two cats, and they're like, my favorite. I lay in bed all morning just petting my cat
and singing to him. (Those are my kids in the background). ...singing to him and petting
him and calling him all the names. You might not do as many "girly" things as your friends,
and you might not have as many girlfriends as other girls that you know. So, that was
kind of me. I had a close-knit circle of friends, and I still do. And I love them. But they're
not like super girly-girls, and we don't really do girly-girl things. You might shut down
in social situations when you get overloaded, but you might be way better at masking it
than males who have autism. And that's one of the other reasons why we aren't diagnosed
near as frequently as males, because we can be social and we can pretend like we're really
good at it. And it becomes a skill that we learn and can almost employ it as a performance,
but then after we do, we're exhausted and we need recovery time. You might have trouble
maintaining close friendships. That can happen because you don't really understand the give-and-take
of relationships in terms of, you may need way more down time than the other person does,
you want to stay home, you don't want to be as adventurous or explore. And then you may
choose to remain celibate or alone. But if you are in a relationship, you might take
it very very seriously. And then due to sensory issues, you might thoroughly enjoy sex or
strongly dislike it. Because again, we talked about all of the sensory stuff, and you just
take in so much in terms of what you see and hear and feel and experience, and so that
can either be really calming or it can be really upsetting. And then lastly, it can
be super awkward whenever you're trying to flirt. Because your facial expressions don't
really match, and you don't really understand the give-and-take. You don't really understand
physical proximity and when to touch someone and when to back away. So it can be kind of
interesting because it doesn't look like neurotypical flirting at all. So like I said, I found this
chart when I was in the diagnostic process and it really opened my eyes. I called my
best friend immediately and I was like, "Do you relate to this? Do you relate to this?Do
you relate to this?" And she'd be like, "Yes. No. No. No. No. Yes? No. No." And I was like,
"I relate to all of them!" I hope that this was helpful to you. Again, I didn't create
this chart, I re-designed it. I will try to post a link to this in the description and
make it accessible on another website, and if you want more information about that, I'll
post the book that I think it came from. I've been trying to do my research and attribute
this to the right person. Let me hear from you in the comments. Which of these traits
do you find yourself really relating to? I'm curious to hear. I hope everybody has a great
day. Remember, being unique is awesome. Being autistic is a super power, even though some
days it might not feel like that. And I'm here to help you with any questions that you
might have. And hopefully we can learn about each other in the comments and learn how to
navigate this often really confusing world of autism.