- Oh Kim, top of the morning to ya!
(traditional Irish music) - Oh hey, wow.
Is today St. Patrick's Day?
- Oh no hon, it's tomorrow, I'm just getting ready.
- It's too early to be drinking.
- No it's not.
- It's not even noon. - I know!
Do you want a green beer?
- Well we really don't do anything big
for St. Patrick's Day.
- You don't?
- I mean, not since college.
- Kim, you don't put up decorations?
- No. - Make green food
for your kids? - No.
- Have corned beef and cabbage?
- Mm mm. - Oh gosh,
do you do anything on St. Patrick's Day
to bring your kids joy?
Well at least I'm sure the leprechauns
still visit your house.
- Lepre-who? - Yeah, you know,
the leprechauns.
You make a trap for them and then they leave green pee
in your toilet and they make a mess everywhere.
- I'm not following. - You know, last year
the kids had Uncle Bobby come over
and they rigged up a laundry basket from the ceiling
and we made a little leprechaun casino
out of some legos with a sign that was like,
gold coins inside!
- You guys really lean in.
- But those little buggers took all the coins
and they broke our ceiling fan in the process.
- So you, you then took--
- Oh my gosh, you had to be there, Kim.
Steve and Bobby were repairing
the ceiling drywall for weeks!
- So you-- - Hey Steve!
Do you remember when the leprechauns,
they ruined our ceiling?
Good times.
- Right, okay, listen.
We're just not Irish like you guys are.
- Scottish.
- Excuse me? - We're 1/8 Scottish.
It's right next door.
- So you're not even Irish.
- Kim, everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's Day.
- Do you know why there's a St. Patrick's Day?
- You know, for St. Patrick.
He drove the snakes out of Ireland.
- There were never any snakes in Ireland.
- Oh sure there were, hon.
- Nope, Ireland's too cold for snakes.
- Well all I know is that people have been gathering
to grab a pint and celebrate St. Patrick
for hundreds of years.
- 50 years.
- You mean 500 years.
- Up until 1970, they actually closed the pubs
because it was a religious holiday.
Very somber, and sober.
No green beer.
- Oh my god Kim, are you trying to cancel me?
- No no no no no no no no no, you do you.
You guys have fun.
- Listen, I'm gonna go get you some corned beef and cabbage.
Hold on just a second.
Hey Steve!
Get Kim a green beer!
- Please no. - Oh no no no.
Kim, Kim, it's fine, hold on.
Hey Steve! - Huh?
- Save some of that cabbage for Kim!
- Why? - Well because
if you eat it all, you're gonna be gassy for weeks!
- Okay. - It's actually
very cleansing, it's very good for the gut health.
- That's great, cool, we're good here.
You know what?
I'm just gonna make sure everyone wears green tomorrow.
- You better or I'll pinch ya!
- Please don't touch me.
- You're so funny, Kim.
- But seriously, don't touch me.
- Oh, Kim.
- Okay bye!
- Okay bye Kim, watch out for the green pee in your toilet!
Hey Kim, did you hear me?
Green pee in the toilet!
Don't forget!
(traditional Irish folk music)
- [Steve] What?
- [Ann Marie] Drag it out longer.
- [Steve] What why?
- [Ann Marie] Make it nasally.
- [Steve] What? (Penn laughing)
- [Ann Marie] Go go, go wait, why?
- [Steve] Wait, why?
- [Ann Marie] One more time like that.
- [Steve] Wait, why?
What, why?
(Penn and Kim laughing)
What?
- It just keeps going. - Okay!
(Kim laughing)
What?
- Scene, listen,
not trying to cancel St. Patrick's Day at all.
I've just observed that you are either
really into celebrating it, so into celebrating it,
or you're like eh, it's cool, it's a good day.
So in our house, it just has never taken traction
after college, we just never bought the decorations
and the tee shirts and stuff.
And so we just haven't latched onto it.
But I love seeing you guys do it,
so share your traditions, what do you do?
Do the leprechauns visit?
Our kids are very upset that we don't have leprechauns,
and I apologize, it's just I never called them
to arrange it, and so I failed.
It's just one more thing that I've failed at as a mom.
This is just one more.
Cool, thanks, bye!