‘Shoulda, coulda, wouldas’ and what ifs are difficult for any personality type to process
sometimes, especially when someone feels as if they’ve missed out on an opportunity. However,
for the rather naive INFJ who is constantly reminding themselves to be and do their best,
past fixations and regret can cause the INFJ to ruminate to an unhealthy degree.
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Alright, let’s jump right into it starting with..
Number 1: It’s not in their nature
Future-focused with a big-picture approach to most things,
INFJs are much more apt to fixate about the future than they are their past.
In fact, most INFJs don't even feel connected to their past memories when they were living
them in the present moment - usually because they were too busy wondering what was coming next. So,
with dream-like expectations of future scenarios and countless questions of what’s to come,
INFJs usually don’t pay much attention to their past. Without really thinking about it,
this imaginative personality type views their past as a history book full of not only their most
precious memories, but also painful reminders and past mistakes. While they don’t avoid past-focused
thinking intentionally, sometimes it can be too much for an INFJ to relive negative memories,
or even the positive ones that make them long for happier times. Actually, ironically, thinking of
positive past memories can actually cause the INFJ to regret not being more present in that moment.
So, in other words, unless they’re opening that book of past impressions to gain some
insight in how to approach a current issue, it’s no place for an INFJ to be. And that’s
exactly what makes regret that much more difficult; thinking of the past is already
uncomfortable enough for this type. Number 2: Over sharing
Being the paradoxically reserved and private oversharers they are,
socializing comes with a host of regrets and dread for this introverted type.
Naturally, INFJs prefer to be rather selective of who they open up to and about what they open up
about. They leave their deepest feelings and debates for their closest people
and don’t mind laying it all out when they know they're surrounded by familiarity
and non-judgment. However, unfortunately, social scenarios don’t always go as planned,
and sometimes the INFJ ends up sharing more than they had anticipated to complete strangers.
In a subconscious attempt to quickly by-pass the small-talk phase of meeting someone new,
the INFJ feels called to share their personal details in order to break the ice and introduce
the meaningful connection they long for in a conversation. This works about 20% of the time,
and the times in the times it doesn’t work, this tactic can end up making things even more awkward
with that individual. And that’s when the cringe starts. When asked about oversharing regret,
one INFJ redditor said “I live in a rural area where I don't know many
people and find myself (oversharing) after I've had a couple of pints in the pub.
I'm usually cringing with regret for sharing so much information the next morning. I know that I
am never understood but it never stops me trying.” Number 3: It’s worse when they’ve let someone down
Sure missed out opportunities and poor life choices can be hard things for the INFJ to
swallow. But there's no regret worse than when the INFJ hurts someone else. Whether it was a mistake,
a misunderstanding or an irresponsible gesture done out of spite, this extroverted feeler will
know when they’ve hit someone where it hurts. And the moment an INFJ absorbs that other
person's emotional reaction, it takes no time for that regret to come pouring in. In these times,
whether the person deserved it or not, INFJs have a right to think over what has happened.
It’s actually healthy for them to sit down and question what they could’ve said differently,
to pocket that lesson for future scenarios. However, other times, it’s not their fault at all.
In fact, the most unfortunate aspect to this side of the INFJ’s empathetic regret
is that they’ll even regret the things they didn’t know they were doing wrong in the moment.
An example would be, if a friend gets upset that an INFJ turned down their invitation to hangout
because they were using the day as a self-care day. While the INFJ doesn’t really regret setting
boundaries and taking the time for themselves, that entire day may be spent questioning
“Should I have just spent some time with them?” “Am I really a bad friend?” “Is
this overly selfish of me?” “Should I text them and ask what they’re doing tomorrow instead?”..
You get the drift, when it comes to disappointing others, regret will always make its appearance.
Number 4: Door slam regret
Speaking of letting others down, there's no other way to really make someone feel left out
in the cold like a door slam and INFJs know that firsthand. And for the most part, by the time an
INFJ has reached the conclusion that a door slam is the only viable option left, they're usually
far beyond any form of regret. However, emotions evolve, situations change and those who the INFJ
shuns from their lives are still out and about walking this earth. These are the realities that
make the INFJ question where they could’ve been if they held out a little longer with an individual,
or if they were to have just accepted certain downfalls. In reality, the logical half of their
brains know they took certain actions because it was necessary, but their nostalgic side questions
if it was really as bad as they’re making it seem from memory. Usually this regret sneaks its way
in immediately after the door slam, when emotions are still running rampant or years down the line,
once the INFJ feels healed from the situation. And on rare occasions, the INFJ door slam comes from
an impulsive emotion-driven place where once the INFJ processes their decision in their alone time,
they realize they may have made a mistake. Number 5: Missed opportunities
Philosophically, most INFJs wish to believe that whatever is meant for them will never
pass them by. Yet, when it comes to connecting the current details of their life in order to
project an imaginative future outlook, sometimes they’ll be stuck wondering what would’ve happened
if they did or didn’t follow through with an opportunity from their past.
Sure, INFJs are future-focused thinkers, but in order to get a full picture of their future,
they must rely on subtle what-ifs of their past and current choices.
Similar to when the INFJ may stop and wonder where they would’ve been today if they didn’t
door slam someone in the past, they have the same curiosities when it comes to living location,
career choice, and even the spontaneous decisions they chose to take or turn down
so far in life. Whether it’s something simple like a missed job opportunity or turning down tagging
along with friends for a spontaneous trip. Or something on a larger scale like regretting moving
away from family or regretting never following the dreams they had when they were younger.
There's no easy way for them to accept the things they missed out on because it was nobody’s fault
but their own. Luckily, this type of regret can actually help the INFJ make future decisions that
better fit their current beliefs and morals. Number 6: FOMO
Speaking of missed opportunities and turning down friend’s invitations, FOMO or fear of missing
out is something every INFJ struggles with. No matter what it is the INFJ declines to attend,
there's never not a little FOMO in the back of their minds questioning, am I going to regret
this? Most of the time, this introvert’s need for solitude and self-care within the comfort
of their own homes trumps any fear of missing out. However, when it comes to the following
days and everyone is talking about the one crazy thing that happened or how good the food was,
INFJs can’t help but to feel a little regretful. “Oh, you would’ve loved it” “I really wish you
were there to see it” .. Sure, INFJs know how to play it cool, calm and collected. But inside,
they’re certainly shedding a tear and maybe even feeling a little stirred up with jealousy.
Actually, depending on what they ended up missing out on, this regret can actually turn into a full
blown self-critiquing crisis of convincing themselves that their introversion does them
no favors. Do they remember this for the next time they’re invited out? Well, probably not.
Well PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today’s video..So, as an INFJ, do you have something you seriously
regret in life? Let us know in the comments below! Also, make sure to leave us a like,
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